Nice Try, Gazprom Gerd

You can run, Gerhard Schröder, but you can’t hide.

Schroeder

More and more people in Germany are voluntarily wearing face masks in public, as seen here with former chancellor Schröder and his partner.

Immer mehr Menschen in Deutschland tragen in der Öffentlichkeit freiwillig Schutzmasken. Wie hier Alt-Kanzler Schröder mit seiner Lebensgefährtin.

German Of The Day: Fehlbesetzung

That means the wrong choice, as in choosing the wrong person. Well, at least the voters didn’t choose her.

Ursula

Hey, Ursula von der Leyen ruined the German Bundeswehr. She has a proven track record. That’s how she got her raise to ruin what’s left of Europe in the first place. She never had to run for election, folks. Backroom politics at its best. Why should she? She was one of Angie Merkel’s girls. Is anybody really surprised by any of this?

In the midst of the deepest crisis Europe is desperately seeking leadership. The new Commission President is proving to be weak in every respect.

Inmitten tiefster Krisen sucht Europa händeringend nach Führung. Die neue Kommissionspräsidentin erweist sich in jeder Hinsicht als schwach.

Smart Move

I guess. German city introduces face masks for shoppers as corona cases rise.

Jena

It’s just that the German government doesn’t have any face masks for the population. Nor does German industry. They shipped them all off to China as the pandemic began. No joke. Now Germans are forced to either make their face masks themselves or pay ridiculous prices for the few that are available until industrial production gets back up to speed again. Thank goodness for government planning.

The city of Jena in eastern Germany has decided to make people wear face masks when shopping or traveling by public transport, stepping up efforts to slow the spread of the coronavirus and becoming the first city in the country to introduce the measure.

Split Personality

German style (in the time of coronavirus). On the one hand, Germans have been asked to stay home and avoid contact with one another at least until 20 April.

Split

On the other hand, the police were called out hundreds of times during the weekend as residents flouted restrictions aimed at stemming the spread of coronavirus.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t?

‘Absolute madness’: Outrage as crowds flout Germany’s coronavirus rules.

The Patron Saint Of What?

A German cathedral has dug out from a treasure chamber its collection of remains of St. Corona, the little-known Christian martyr who has been purported to be the patron saint of resisting epidemics.

Corona

But now nobody can admire Corona because of Corona.

The Aachen Cathedral had already been planning before the coronavirus outbreak to showcase the remains and an elaborate shrine to the saint as part of an exhibit of gold craftsmanship, according to Reuters.

But it has now accelerated its plans after the pandemic began sweeping across the globe — though it remains unclear when people will be able to visit the display amid strict restrictions on public gatherings.

Finally, Some Good News

US nukes in Germany are getting modernized!

Bomb

US set to upgrade controversial nukes stationed in Germany – The US has stored nuclear bombs across Europe as a deterrent against Russia — including in Germany, where parliament voted in 2010 to withdraw the bombs. But for now, they are here to stay — and set to be modernized.

Americans activate the nukes, Germans deliver them. What could possibly go wrong?

One Hand Sanitizer On The Rocks, Please

A German distillery is giving away pure alcohol it normally uses to make liquor to hospitals and clinics desperate for disinfectants now in short supply due to the coronavirus outbreak.

Sanitizer

Germans have been stockpiling disinfectants as well as soap, toilet paper and pasta since early March in anticipation of stricter movement restrictions to slow the spread of the virus, ignoring politicians’ reassurances that supplies are secure…

“This should last until the middle of the week and after that we will run out of stock.”

Three’s A Crowd

And we don’t like crowds. You’re under arrest.

Restrictions

Has Germany imposed a total curfew? No. But more than two people can’t be outside together — unless they’re part of the same household. Going for a walk with a friend is fine, even if you don’t live with them, but groups of three or more are forbidden unless you’re family or roommates. A minimum distance of “at least 1.5 meters (5 feet), or better yet 2 meters” should be maintained whenever possible, Chancellor Angela Merkel said as she announced the new measures on Sunday.

“Keine Empfehlungen, sondern Regeln.”

It’s Only Money

Other people’s money. But still.

Money

The schwarze Null or “black zero” (meaning a balanced budget) was yesterday. A supplementary budget for 2020 at about 40 percent the size of the original one will now be approved by the German cabinet to help fight the economic woe being caused by the corona pandemic.

Germany tears up fiscal rule book to counter coronavirus pandemic – Berlin to raise €150bn in new debt to bolster ailing economy.

Thanks, Party Folk

Or Volk, if you prefer. Thanks to you a total Corona lockdown is virtually assured now.

Corona

Confusion, defiance and parties in the park: A postcard from Berlin under coronavirus lockdown – Police had to break up several so-called “Corona Parties” on Monday evening, where hundreds of students had bought cases of Corona beer and gathered in parks.

In Berlin zum Beispiel sind die Clubs zwar geschlossen, trotzdem treffen sich viele Jugendliche einfach in Parks zum gemeinsamen Trinken.