The Patron Saint Of What?

A German cathedral has dug out from a treasure chamber its collection of remains of St. Corona, the little-known Christian martyr who has been purported to be the patron saint of resisting epidemics.

Corona

But now nobody can admire Corona because of Corona.

The Aachen Cathedral had already been planning before the coronavirus outbreak to showcase the remains and an elaborate shrine to the saint as part of an exhibit of gold craftsmanship, according to Reuters.

But it has now accelerated its plans after the pandemic began sweeping across the globe — though it remains unclear when people will be able to visit the display amid strict restrictions on public gatherings.

One Hand Sanitizer On The Rocks, Please

A German distillery is giving away pure alcohol it normally uses to make liquor to hospitals and clinics desperate for disinfectants now in short supply due to the coronavirus outbreak.

Sanitizer

Germans have been stockpiling disinfectants as well as soap, toilet paper and pasta since early March in anticipation of stricter movement restrictions to slow the spread of the virus, ignoring politicians’ reassurances that supplies are secure…

“This should last until the middle of the week and after that we will run out of stock.”

Three’s A Crowd

And we don’t like crowds. You’re under arrest.

Restrictions

Has Germany imposed a total curfew? No. But more than two people can’t be outside together — unless they’re part of the same household. Going for a walk with a friend is fine, even if you don’t live with them, but groups of three or more are forbidden unless you’re family or roommates. A minimum distance of “at least 1.5 meters (5 feet), or better yet 2 meters” should be maintained whenever possible, Chancellor Angela Merkel said as she announced the new measures on Sunday.

“Keine Empfehlungen, sondern Regeln.”

It’s Only Money

Other people’s money. But still.

Money

The schwarze Null or “black zero” (meaning a balanced budget) was yesterday. A supplementary budget for 2020 at about 40 percent the size of the original one will now be approved by the German cabinet to help fight the economic woe being caused by the corona pandemic.

Germany tears up fiscal rule book to counter coronavirus pandemic – Berlin to raise €150bn in new debt to bolster ailing economy.

Thanks, Party Folk

Or Volk, if you prefer. Thanks to you a total Corona lockdown is virtually assured now.

Corona

Confusion, defiance and parties in the park: A postcard from Berlin under coronavirus lockdown – Police had to break up several so-called “Corona Parties” on Monday evening, where hundreds of students had bought cases of Corona beer and gathered in parks.

In Berlin zum Beispiel sind die Clubs zwar geschlossen, trotzdem treffen sich viele Jugendliche einfach in Parks zum gemeinsamen Trinken.

German Of The Day: Ausgangssperre

That means curfew. As in Corona Curfew. And it looks like there might be one imposed in Berlin before all too long.

Corona

The recommendation to stay home is being ignored by Berliners and the mayor is threatening with one because “the people still haven’t understood what’s going on.”

Ausgangssperre droht: „Haben es noch nicht verstanden.”

How Do You Tittelate An Ocelot?

No, not that kind of an ocelot. The German Ozelot mobile air defense missile system kind of ocelot.

Ocelot

Why would you want to? Just buy an old Bundeswehr laptop on eBay for $100 that includes classified Ozelot instructions and proceed to destroy the damned thing.

VS-Nur für den Dienstgebrauch.

I’m One Of Your Biggest Fans!

A monster fan, even.

Fans

Tear gas hits the fan during clashes on Greek-Turkish border – Greek border units trying to stop crowds of migrants from pushing their way in from Turkey have hit on a new defense against tear gas unleashed on them from the Turkish side of the frontier — monster fans

Flüchtende zünden Brandsätze, griechische Grenzbeamte lenken Tränengas und Rauch in ihre Richtung.

But Don’t Panic

When it comes to the coronavirus, Angela Merkel tells her fellow Germans.

Merkel

The population has no immunity, she points out. There is no therapy. 60 to 70% of you will be infected with it. BUT DON’T PANIC!!!

So, there. I said it. Now it’s back to the bunker for me. You promised.

The German daily Bild recently slammed her for what it called “the corona chaos,” claiming “No appearances, no speech, no leadership in the crisis.”

Czech Prime Minister Andrej Babis, Reuters reported, was later asked about Merkel’s comments. “I don’t want to comment on the situation in Germany, although I believe that such statements rather cause panic,” he said. “In any case, we have adopted strong measures for such worst-case scenarios to be out of the question.”

Welcome To Corona Queen!

Would you like Jumbo Flu Fries with your Outbreak Burger?

Corona

German hospital launches drive-thru coronavirus testing – Doctors at the local hospital in the small German town of Gross-Gerau launched the drive-thru last week as a quick, creative way to screen people for the deadly bug and minimize exposure for medical staff and patients.

“Extraordinary times call for extraordinary solutions.”