German Of The Day: Schwerbehindert

That means severely disabled. You know, like 10 percent of the German population?


Huh? I know what you’re thinking, but it’s true. No, I’m not thinking it’s just another big scam (I know it is). I’m thinking how could it only be just 10 percent?

Schwerbehindert sind laut Statistik Menschen, denen die Versorgungsämter einen Grad der Behinderung von mindestens 50 Prozent zuerkennen und die einen gültigen Ausweis haben.


Halloween Approaching Fast

Now that all the clown costumes for Halloween in Germany appear to be sold out, maybe German U-boat commander costumes might do the trick.


According to the old tale, the U-boat commander — Capt. Gunther Krech — said the submarine had been cruising on the surface of the water to recharge its batteries when a “strange beast” rose from the sea with “large eyes, set in a horny sort of skull.” Krech said the animal had a small head, but with “teeth that could be seen glistening in the moonlight,” according to a statement from Scottish Energy News. Scottish Power crews discovered the wreckage when surveying the seabed to lay a new power cable.

Pardon me, ma’am. Do you have any sea monster suits in my size?

Wussy Clowns Pissed Off At Creepy Clowns

Worried about the bad reputation the current creepy clown conspiracy could give the already bad reputation that wussy, so-called “genuine” clowns in the German clown industry now enjoy, wussy clown spokesmen have denounced the creepy clowns as being “a bunch of creeps” and have asked them to “please stop clowning around already.”


“It’s bad enough that we scare that pants off of small children and animals already,” one spokesman said. “While cheering them up against their will, I mean. But now you want to freak out the rest of the nation in just the same way? Like how sick is that?”

Der Dachverband „Dachverband Clowns in Medizin und Pflege Deutschland e.V.“ hat sich am Mittwoch in einer Pressemitteilung zu Wort gemeldet. Und bittet um Abgrenzung. „Grusel-Clowns sind keine Clowns“, heißt es darin. „Es sind wirre Menschen, die ihre destruktiven Neigungen nur auf diese armselige Art ausleben wollen. Sie sind weder komisch noch beeindruckend, sondern ein grotesker Abklatsch einer zutiefst menschlichen, positiven Freude an der Anarchie.

German Of The Day: Sexmonster

That means sex monster.


But that’s only because this year’s presidential election is a real Schlammschlacht.

German word-compounding really shines: Schlamm means “filth” (with connotations of “slime”), and Schlacht, in addition to meaning “fight,” as it’s used here, also means “slaughter” (which you may remember from Schlachthof-fünf in the Vonnegut classic).

German Of The Day: Rechtspopulistisch

That means right-wing populist. You know, like what the German state TV channel ARD has insisted upon labeling the AfD party up until now?


This has changed, however. As the head talking head what’s in charge over there (in there?) explains: “The background behind this is the fact that given the latest state elections, the AfD has attained such a high level of recognition that the permanent classification of them through this attribute is no longer necessary in order to make an orientation possible by the viewers.” The proper orientation, I assume he means.

The Pöbel (rabble) has now finally been dutifully informed so the ARD is going to gracefully condescend to move on to the next Umerziehungsmaßnahme (re-education measure) on the list. Whatever that might be. So stay tuned. As if you had a choice.

Hintergrund dieser Vorgehensweise ist die Tatsache, dass die AfD nicht zuletzt aufgrund der zurückliegenden Landtagswahlen einen solch hohen Bekanntheitsgrad erreicht hat, dass es der permanenten Einordnung durch dieses Attribut nicht mehr Bedarf, um den Zuschauerinnen und Zuschauern eine Orientierung zu ermöglichen

Renewable Energy Keeps Renewing Its Price

Ever upward, of course.


But Germans don’t mind paying this. That’s just the price they have to pay for, uh, the price they have to pay.

Germany’s green energy levy for 2017, the surcharge in consumers bills that supports renewable energy generators, will increase by 8.3% year-on-year to EUR 0.0688 (USD 0.076) per kWh.

Verbraucher müssen zur Förderung von Strom aus Windkraft und Sonne wohl auch im nächsten Jahr tiefer in die Tasche greifen. Die sogenannte Ökostrom-Umlage wird von derzeit 6,35 Cent auf 6,88 Cent pro Kilowattstunde angehoben.

German Of The Day: Durch die ganze Linie

That means “through the entire line,” as in all down the line, or by all involved, in this case.

Jaber Al-Bakr

So, let’s sum up this Jaber al-Bakr case in Germany: First of all, you have a German intelligence service (BND) that isn’t in the position to know about this guy or his plans on its own – that evil US-Amerikan NSA had to give them the tip. Then you’ve got policemen who let this guy get away during their raid. After that he gets captured, tied up and turned in to the police by three Syrian refugees. And to top it off, the authorities then guarding him let him commit suicide in his cell.

All in all, some top-notch work. All down the line. By all involved.

Einem Medienbericht zufolge hat ein US-Geheimdienst einen entscheidenden Hinweis auf den Terrorverdächtigen Dschaber al Bakr geliefert.

German Jail Guards Shocked That Syrian Suicide Bomb Suspect Would Want To Kill Himself

“I am incredibly shocked and in disbelief that this could have happened,” said one guard after being informed of the hanging, while eating a sandwich and watching Tatort in the break room.


“Yeah. Just because some guy was fiddling around with the same high explosive used for the suicide vests in the Paris attacks doesn’t necessarily mean he was out to harm himself,” another guard replied, sitting next to the first guard, playing solitaire. “Besides, we’re like nowhere even near Paris.”

No other jail guards were present to be interviewed at the time of this post so their comments concerning the incident will have to be gathered later.

Man kann den Eindruck bekommen, als wäre hier vorgegangen worden, als sei das ein Taschendieb, der vor dem Hauptbahnhof gefangen worden ist.

The Land Of Wishful Thinking

Das Land der frommen Wünsche, that’s what Reinhard Veser from the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung calls it. And he means by this the place were what remains of Germany’s Social Democratic Party is now living when it comes to Putin’s Russia.


That the SPD would want to go back to the old days of SPD Ostpolitik (“change through rapprochement”), a time when twice as many voters voted for them as do today, is quite understandable. There is just one slight but fundamental difference here: During that cold war (they called it The Cold War back then), the Soviet Union wanted to keep the status quo and the Federal Republic of Germany’s recognition of East Germany contributed to this, benefiting the West, as well. Putin’s Russia wants territory, however, not the status quo.

By bending over backwards with the most absurd compilation of contortions to “understand” a Russia they clearly do not understand (see Germany’s current SPD foreign minister), the SPD shows us that it already has plans to move from the Land of Wishful Thinking to the Pays of Appeasement. Or is it living there already? How unimaginative political policy can be. And how delusional.

Die sozialdemokratischen Ostpolitiker haben es schon einmal nicht bemerkt, als die Voraussetzungen für ihren Ansatz im Osten Europas weggefallen sind – das war, als Solidarność in den achtziger Jahren die kommunistische Diktatur ins Wanken brachte. Damals hat das nur ihrem Ruf in Ostmitteleuropa geschadet. Wenn ihre alten Illusionen heute wieder in die Russland-Politik einfließen, droht ein weit größerer Schaden.

German Of The Day: Angststörung

That means anxiety disorder.


Germans don’t have this problem, though. Their anxiety is always in perfect working order.

Etwa fünf Prozent der Bevölkerung haben einmal in ihrem Leben generalisierte Ängste. Frauen sind häufiger betroffen als Männer.

“Ich war irgendwann überzeugt, mein Zahn wird ausfallen.”