Russia Trying To Destabilize Germany But Germany Still Way Better

Germans were shocked upon learning today that Russia is trying to destabilize German society with propaganda and cyber attacks ahead of next year’s general election, many fearing that the unwanted foreign competition could stifle their own government’s efforts to do the same.

Russia

“The Russians should mind their own damned business and concentrate on destabilizing their own society,” one irate commentator said. “We have the will, the means, the experience and the elected and non-elected officials to do so on our own, thank you. And we’re talking ‘made in Germany’ quality here, people. So go take a flying leap at a rolling pirozhki already.”

The warning was the bluntest public claim yet from Germany’s BfV agency about Moscow’s alleged campaign of disinformation and hacking targeting Europe’s biggest economy.

German Of The Day: Angemessen

That means appropriate or suitable.

Angemessen

You know, like the appropriate or suitable compensation that the German government will now how to  pay to  the power companies it expropriated after the infamous (and ongoing) Fukushima Panic Attack of 2011?

Of course what this appropriate or suitable compensation will actually end up being once the non-atomic dust settles is quite another matter. Something tells me it’s going to be a whole lot. Hey, nichts ist umsonst. There is no such thing as a free lunch.

SPD-Vize Stegner gibt Merkel Schuld für Milliardenentschädigung.

Just Reach Out To Refugees

Fearless Leader says. Before they reach out to you, I guess she means.

Rape

Yes, this is one isolated case. Albeit one particularly disgusting one. And one which the growing hordes of “deplorable” Germans out here now perceive as being among an ever-increasing number of them. This is also one that will be hard for the state media channels to ignore. So it will be interesting to see how they will manage to ignore it anyway (you have to read a bit further before finding “the suspect reportedly came from Afghanistan as an unaccompanied refugee” here,  for instance).

Die Medizinstudentin war auf ihrem Fahrrad auf dem Rückweg von einer Studentenparty, als sie am Ufer der Dreisam vergewaltigt und getötet wurde. Als Todesursache stellte die Polizei Ertrinken fest.

Is It Time For More Outrage Yet?

About the evil NSA spying on poor, defnseless Germany again?

BND

“What’s new is that German intelligence not only used the NSA spy tools, but has also been involved in its programming for years.”

Unter den insgesamt 90 Gigabyte an Dokumenten soll es demnach Beweise geben, die die Zusammenarbeit zwischen der amerikanischen National Security Agency (NSA) und dem BND belegen. „Einige Dokumente zeigen, wie Geheimdienste Wege finden, um an der eigenen Regierung vorbeizuarbeiten“, heißt es unter anderem in der Mitteilung. Dabei gehe es auch um die aktive Beteiligung des BND an der globalen Massenüberwachung.

If It Works For You

Just let me get this straight. This married father of four German spy guy of Spanish descent is a onetime gay porn actor turned secret Islamist extremist mole?

Spy

Hey, it’s hard to find steady work these days.

Two weeks ago, German intelligence agents noticed an unusual user in a chat room known as a digital hideout for Islamic militants. The man claimed to be one of them — and said he was a German spy. He was offering to help Islamists infiltrate his agency’s defenses to stage a strike. Agents lured him into a private chat, and he gave away so many details about the spy agency — and his own directives within it to thwart Islamists — that they quickly identified him, arresting the 51-year-old the next day. Only then would the extent of his double life become clear.

Enttarnter Islamist war Darsteller in Pornofilmen.

Fearless Leader: “Russian Cyber Attack Ain’t No Big Deal”

It was only 900,000 users, after all. For only a day or two. And is probably only just the beginning, so don’t worry. Be happy. And now sitzen machen!

Merkel

Cyber attacks from Russia are now so common that Germany must learn to cope with them as part of daily life, Chancellor Angela Merkel said Tuesday, after Europe’s top economy suffered its largest ever online assault.

She then moved on to more pressing matters. Like preparing to take a tough stand on the UK for Brexit or worrying about hate-speech on Facebook. Stuff like that.

“Such cyber attacks, or hybrid conflicts as they are known in Russian doctrine, are now part of daily life and we must learn to cope with them.”

Angela Merkel To Be Deported

Although it looks to me like they may have picked the wrong one.

Merkel

Late last year, a Syrian woman gave birth to a girl at a former hospital that had been repurposed into a refugee shelter in Duisburg, Germany. She and her husband had only recently arrived in Germany and wanted to honor their new home. So, they named their daughter Angela Merkel.

But less than a month before the infant’s first birthday, the Al-Hamza family’s future in their adopted country isn’t looking so sure. According to the Bild newspaper, the family was told their asylum application had been rejected by Germany’s Federal Office for Migration and Refugees. Instead, the Al-Hamza family has been offered “subsidiary protection,” a separate legal status that protects people from deportation for an initial period of one year but does not allow them to bring their family to Germany. They may stay longer if they are shown to be working and learning German to a sufficient level.

“There are no indications that the Syrian state puts everyone under general suspicion of belonging to the opposition.”

I’m Outta Here!

Speaking of Sozis… Failing to lead from the front, Martin Shulz is now hightailing it out of the shambles he helped create in Brussels and will now lead from behind in Berlin. Or maybe he won’t. Nobody who has ever paid any attention to this guy seems to particularly care.

Schulz

This guy has never accomplished anything but spend a whole lot of time on any German political talk show you can think of being THE expert on any “European” subject you can think of talking about. He helped a lot with Greece (not). He stopped Brexit from happening (not), he helped solve Europe’s refugee crisis and its deficit spending crisis and on an on and on (lots more nots here). He lectured US-Amerika right and left (mostly right) about all those things Europeans lecture US-Amerika about. He did that particularly well, I must say, but he’s just one of legion in that department so who needs him? In other words, he was the perfect non-elected European bureaucrat boss-type and he will be sorely missed until his replacement non-elected European bureaucrat boss-type is crowned by whoever it is who crowns them – so he/she can then carry on where Schulz left off. Accomplishing nothing. But with style.

The long-serving parliament boss will stand as an MP for his Social Democratic party in North Rhine-Westphalia, opening the door for a potential run at the German chancellorship in elections next year. Speaking to reporters on Thursday morning, an emotional Mr Schulz said: “It was not an easy decision.”

Eco-Power?

As in enormous-cost-power?

eco

And green power must be short for greenback power, right? Only they have to pay in euros here in Germany.

You’re never going to believe this: Energy prices will be rising dramatically again next year in Germany (same procedure as every year). It has something to do with this little thing they call the “eco-power levy” here (levy sounds better than tax). It’s going up another 8.3 percent. But it’s for the Energiewende so that’s a good thing, or something. Hey. It’s not easy being the world’s leader in renewable energy but somebody has to do it. And you still don’t mind paying for it… And you still don’t mind paying for it… And you still…

Öko-Strom-Umlage steigt um 8,3 Prozent.

SPD To Announce Candidate Later

Now that Angela Merkel has opened the campaign for next year’s parliamentary elections in Germany by announcing her intention to run for a fourth term, the folks over at the SPD have made it clear that they intend to wait until they are good and ready before announcing their candidate, probably sometime in 2018.

SPD

They don’t have a candidate who has a chance in hell, get it?*

Am Montagmorgen hatte SPD-Vize Ralf Stegner erklärt, die SPD werde “bald” über ihren Kandidaten befinden.

*Chancellors aren’t directly elected here, of course, but the SPD is now an under-20%-party.