Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.


Because somebody has to admire them.

Germany’s ammunition exports skyrocketed in the first half of 2016, a leaked report has revealed. Turkey, currently suppressing its political opposition, has moved up the list of the country’s best customers.

PS: And who says that these creepy clowns popping up all over Germany these days can’t be funny? Boy arrested after stabbing teen in clown mask in Germany

German Of The Day: Schwerbehindert

That means severely disabled. You know, like 10 percent of the German population?


Huh? I know what you’re thinking, but it’s true. No, I’m not thinking it’s just another big scam (I know it is). I’m thinking how could it only be just 10 percent?

Schwerbehindert sind laut Statistik Menschen, denen die Versorgungsämter einen Grad der Behinderung von mindestens 50 Prozent zuerkennen und die einen gültigen Ausweis haben.


Renewable Energy Keeps Renewing Its Price

Ever upward, of course.


But Germans don’t mind paying this. That’s just the price they have to pay for, uh, the price they have to pay.

Germany’s green energy levy for 2017, the surcharge in consumers bills that supports renewable energy generators, will increase by 8.3% year-on-year to EUR 0.0688 (USD 0.076) per kWh.

Verbraucher müssen zur Förderung von Strom aus Windkraft und Sonne wohl auch im nächsten Jahr tiefer in die Tasche greifen. Die sogenannte Ökostrom-Umlage wird von derzeit 6,35 Cent auf 6,88 Cent pro Kilowattstunde angehoben.

Germans Worried About TTIP

Oops, I meant TATP, of course.


TATP stands for triacetone triperoxide and is an extremely powerful explosive substance that was found in the Chemnitz apartment of a Syrian refugee, an apartment German police raided just minutes after the suspect escaped.

This is the same stuff that was used by the suicide bombers in Paris last November. German state media is therefore going to go way out on the limb here for once and speculate that this particular refugee “might” have been involved in a so-called “terrorist” plot. Details at eleven or something.

Stunned residents reacted to the incident last night, with one neighbour slamming Albakr as an ‘a*******’ for his alleged plot – what a racist, xenophobic a******* that neighbour must be.

Die Polizei überwachte die Chemnitzer Wohnung, in der Sprengstoff gefunden wurde. Doch die Beamten konnten Jaber A. nicht stoppen, als der das Haus verließ.

This Just In: Governments Waste Money

In Germany, too? You bet.


The latest “black book” has been published by the German Taxpayers Federation and here – not counting your regular, every-day kind of wasteful government spending – are just a few of the more special ways in which government tosses money out the window:

Garbage cans in the city of Leverkusen that cost  1,258 euros a shot.

A fish ladder near the town of Lauterbach that cost taxpayers 100,000 euros. The only problem is that the fish can’t reach the ladder.

Or how about a townhouse in an exclusive location in Manhattan, owned by the Federal Republic of Germany. The only problem here is that it’s been empty since 2009 and costs taxpayers over 80,000 euros a year in upkeep.

“Politik und Verwaltung gehen verschwenderisch, sorglos oder leichtsinnig mit Steuergeldern um.”

Kissing Up To Iran 101

I find it strange how such a super-smart (self-proclaimed, but still) German politician like German economy minister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD), somebody so hot to do business with Iran that his pants are always wet, doesn’t seem to know the first thing about the finer points of diplomacy when it comes to dealing with the mullah state.


Sure, you can always get plus points by promising the Iranians to “remind the United States of the commitment to get to an effective dismantling of sanctions,” but every third grader knows that you can’t give interviews before your visit in which you say that you believe Tehran should recognize the right of Israel to exist. Pretty outrageous Scheiße, huh?

So that is why he is now getting snuffed big time during his current visit. There will be no meeting with Iran’s President Ruhani nor with foreign minister Sarif. The visit planned with parliament president Laridschani has now suddenly been cancelled, Laridschani’s brother commenting to the press “If I had been in the place of the government or foreign office I would never have allowed such a person to enter the country in the first place.”

Other than that, though, German business prospects with Iran are looking really promising.

“Ein normales, freundschaftliches Verhältnis zu Deutschland wird erst dann möglich sein.”

Berlin: The Future Is Ours

It has to be because the present is kind of, you know, sucky? And we don’t even want to talk about the past.


Berlin may have moved ahead a bit in the current ranking of German cities the magazine Wirtschafswoche and the real estate site Immobilienscout 24 put out (it moved up to place 39) but, alas, when it comes to economic power, jobs, real estate and quality of life, its still got a long way to go before it catches up to the winner, The City Whose Name Cannot Be Spoken (Munich).

Die Hauptstadt landet im Städteranking der Wirtschaftswoche und des Immobilien-Portals Immobilienscout 24 wie im Vorjahr auf Platz neun von 69 Großstädten, wenn die Dynamik am Standort gemessen wird. Wird das erreichte Niveau angegeben, kommt Berlin auf Rang 39 und hat sich somit um vier Plätze verbessert.

German Of The Day: Albtraum

That means nightmare. You know, like Nightmare on Elm Street? Or Nightmare at Deutsche Bank?

Deutsche Bank

Read my lips, the usual suspects are saying: Everything is fine, the German government is not preparing a bailout, there have been no secret talks with the chancellor and there is nothing here that needs to be rescued in the first place. Now say that ten times really fast.

The German government denied it was working on a rescue of Deutsche Bank as Germany’s biggest lender boosted its balance sheet by selling its British insurance business on Wednesday.

Deutsche is facing a $14 billion fine from the Department of Justice, and concerns over its funding pushed its shares to a record low on Tuesday and heightened concerns about the health of the financial sector in Europe’s largest economy.

“Die Situation des Konzerns ist viel besser, als sie von außen wahrgenommen wird.”

Double-O-Sieben In Da Hood

Or at least under it.


Now we know why we never hear much about German spy activity. First off all, German spies are really easy to recognize because of those dopey hoods they wear. I mean, duh. Like you can see them spying at you a mile away.

And secondly, if any of them do turn out to be any good, they get thrown into jail for tax evasion.

Germany’s answer to James Bond on Monday faced what may prove to be the greatest challenge of his career as he went on trial on charges of tax evasion…

The 76-year-old Mr Werner* has claimed he helped avert a mafia poisoning attempt against Pope Benedict XVI negotiated between Israel and Hamas, and took part in intelligence operations against Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant (Isil).

* It’s Mr. Mauss, Telegraph journalists, not Mr. Werner. Mr. Mauss is a way cooler spy name, too.

Ig Noble Deeds That Are Concealed Are Most Esteemed

Perhaps the best-known awardee Thursday night was German car manufacturer Volkswagen, which was handed the Ig Nobel for chemistry, “for solving the problem of excessive automobile pollution emissions by automatically, electromechanically producing fewer emissions whenever the cars are being tested.” No one from the company attended the ceremony to collect the prize, however.


Wer den Schaden hat … VW hat für seine Schummel-Software, die zum Dieselgate geführt hat, von der Harvard-Uni einen Anti-Nobelpreis bekommen.