What Germans Do In Their Free Time?

Free time

One popular thing these days is stockpiling food.

Arming themselves is another favorite pastime at the moment, too.

Losing confidence in the future is also big. But that’s always among the the top ten German free time activities anyway so, well, let’s move on (yeah, to the future).

Once they’re done with those they also enjoy window surfing (put that towel down first!), having fights about opening and closing windows and shaking their heads in disgust.

In surveys over the past 25 years, watching TV has been the unchallenged most popular pastime of the Germans. Through the introduction of TV sets in households in 1984, television consumption has continuously increased. This year, 97 percent of those polled by the “Hamburger Stiftung für Zukunftsfragen” said they watch the tube at least once a week – and that it is their favorite leisure activity.

Germans Demand Loyalty From Turks They Don’t Want

“When it comes to the Turkish community living in Germany for a long time, we expect them to develop a high degree of loyalty to our country,” said Chancellor Angela Merkel to representatives of the German Turkish community living in Germany for a long time.

Turks

“It’s not like we’re ever going to gladly grant you citizenship or warmly welcome you here after you’ve been like already living here for a generation or two or three or who the hell knows how long, we just think that it would be the right thing for you to do right now,” she said after that (not).

“But we are willing to listen to their concerns, and to try to understand them.”

German Men Practically As Good As German Women

When it comes to Olympic soccer gold, I mean.

Soccer

Neymar scored the deciding spot kick in a riveting penalty shootout to give Brazil its first Olympic championship in men’s soccer at the Rio Games on Saturday. The host nation won the shootout 5-4 after goalkeeper Weverton blocked Nils Petersen’s fifth-round penalty to keep it at 4-4.

Call The European Emission Commission

They won’t answer or anything. But still.

Strange, these guys never stop producing dangerous emissions themselves.

Dieselgate
But when it comes to Dieselgate in Europe, it’s back to “I know nothing” again. How Eurocratic or something.

Meeting minutes, correspondence and conversation records that SPIEGEL ONLINE and the Swedish daily Svenska Dagbladet have obtained now show that the European Commission and member states knew, since 2010 at the latest, that the extremely harmful emissions from diesel cars were strikingly higher than legal levels.

Burkini Lady Sues

After being harassed at a swimming pool in a place called Bad Saarow in Brandenburg. All bads sarrow* on whether she’ll be getting legal satisfaction or not. And no, it wasn’t an itsy bitsy teenie weenie burkini kind of burkini she was wearing. That’s the whole problem, I guess.

Burkini

And speaking of teenies (just barely)… Are the hundreds (thousands?) of child brides in Germany going to sue next? To not have to be forced to go through with these ordeals, I mean? Stupid question. They’re way too young to be allowed to do that.

An anonymous teacher told newspaper Welt am Sonntag that young girls often suddenly stop showing up to school after getting married.

In Deutschland verschwinden immer öfter Mädchen aus der Schule, weil sie verheiratet wurden. Der Kinderschutzbund fordert, das Ehealter grundsätzlich auf 18 Jahre festzulegen – ohne Ausnahmen.

* Bets are off. Get it?

Pokémon Go Home

Please.

Pokémon Go

“The game has gotten off to a good start in Germany. More than 7.7 million people, that’s 11 percent of the population, have downloaded and installed the app. By way of comparison, in Great Britain it’s 13 percent, 5.4 million of these players still playing. 34.4 million Americans have downloaded Pokémon Go and 30.8 million of them are still actively on the hunt. 10 million have made purchases through the app.”

In Deutschland hat das Spiel einen starken Start hingelegt. Mehr als 7,7 Millionen Menschen, also 11 Prozent der Bevölkerung, haben die App heruntergeladen und installiert.

German Intelligence At Its Best

I mean like that spy kind of intelligence intelligence, you know what I mean?

Sleepeer Cell

A top official at Bavaria’s department of the Office for the Protection of the Constitution has gone way out on a limb and said that ISIS sleepers “may have arrived as refugees” in Germany. “We have irrefutable evidence that there is an ISIS command structure that makes an attack in Germany highly possible.”

He also said in a later comment that “The risk is abstract, but very high that the Pope is a Catholic.”

“Das Risiko ist zwar abstrakt, aber sehr hoch. Wir müssen akzeptieren, dass wir Hit-Teams und Schläferzellen auch hier in Deutschland haben.”

German Of The Day: Butt and Fuchs

Butt is a short form for halibut (although in this case it’s just somebody’s name). Fuchs means fox. Not like anybody cares here.

Butt

Linus Butt and Florian Fuchs were part of a German team that destroyed their Canadian opponents 6-2 in a group stage fixture on Saturday in Rio de Janeiro.

Footage shows the two men standing standing with their backs to the camera during the game with the surnames on their shirts side-by-side.

But Twitter immediately reacted with one user, Kris Kristensen, posting the image along with the caption: ‘This one’s for the 12 year old in all of us.’

Poor But Sexy, But Poor

Those were the days. Berlin used to be just (arm aber sexy) poor but sexy.

Poor

Now Berlin is poor but sexy, but poor. At least when it comes to trying to earn a living here.

The German capital pulls down the per capita income for the entire country. According to Eurostat (the European statistics office), Germany’s gross national product (with an emphasis on gross) would climb 0.2 percent if they could just find a way to factor out losers like us here in Berlin.

Poor? Yo capital is so poor it can’t afford to pay attention.

Die Hauptstadt drückt auf das Pro-Kopf-Einkommen der gesamten Bundesrepublik: Das Bruttoinlandsprodukt je Einwohner würde um 0,2 Prozent steigen, wenn man Berlin und seine Einwohner ausklammert, wie das Institut der deutschen Wirtschaft (IW) auf Basis von Daten des Europäischen Statistikamtes Eurostat errechnete.

Dial M For Migrant

To get the ISIS-ones-now-operating-in-Germany kind, I mean.

Ansbach

The two refugees who launched terror attacks in Germany last month were in contact with suspected members of the militant group Isis, including one with a Saudi phone number, according to reports in the German media on Saturday.

Records of internet communication now in the hands of German investigators show both men, the Afghan teenager Riaz Khan Ahmadzai, and Mohammed Daleel, a 27-year-old Syrian, were advised and directed by Isis, which provided tips on ensuring the maximum number of casualties.

“This area will be full of people. Kill them all.”

Attentäter sollen Anweisungen per Handy erhalten haben.

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