After pannicked German demands that the EU draw up a blacklist of unsafe foreign freight dispatchers and airports to help improve air cargo security following the recent bomb plots originating in Yemen and Greece, Germans everywhere were relieved to learn that many of their own airports would most likely be placed near the top of the list.

One of the said explosive devices recently passed undetected through a transfer point at Cologne-Bonn Airport and was later discovered at East Midlands Airport in the UK.

“National measures are not very effective,” said Thomas de Maiziere, Germany’s interior minister. “Well, at least ours aren’t. Please, somebody out there help us close these high risk puppies down ASAP!”

“Last month, the United States and Britain advised caution to travelers visiting Germany and France and intelligence sources spoke of plots against European cities involving al Qaeda and allied militants, some of them European citizens or residents. But de Maiziere then said he saw no immediate signs of a threat, talking instead of a general abstract danger.”