This Man Is Not A Terrorist

It’s the woman standing next to him. Hardy, har, har.

Terrorist

Anas Modamani, who migrated to Germany from Syria, told the BBC that a photo he took with German leader Angela Merkel has been used in various reports claiming he was involved in several different terrorist attacks, which spread around Facebook.

Modamani hired a lawyer to file an injunction against the Menlo Park-based social network alleging the company failed to remove racist posts, in violation of German hate speech laws. The legal action comes as Facebook faces mounting pressure to do something about the proliferation of fake news on the social network.

Er wäre ein Paradebeispiel für gelungene Integration. Doch nach einem Selfie mit der Kanzlerin wird Anas Modamani immer wieder als Terrorist verunglimpft. Die Geschichte eines 19-Jährigen, der jetzt genug hat.

Another Year Closes

But Berlin’s “new” airport doors won’t. So that’s why the grand opening will have to be put off again for another year.

Doors

For now, I mean. Hey, when one door closes another one opens. And when when one door doesn’t close… Whatever.

Statt 80 Prozent Ende 2016 sind de facto nur 20 Prozent in Ordnung. Ein ordnungsgemäßes Funktionieren der Türen ist jedoch insbesondere für die fehlerfreie Entrauchung wichtig.

PS: You just wait, Hamburg. You’re going to have to.

My German Is More Dumber Than Your German Is

It’s 99 cent blowout ebook sale time again! Like how outrageous is that?

Dumb

Dumb Deutsch: Absurd German Language Errors (auch für deutsche Leser geeignet)

Also available at iTunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, etc. For a limited time only or something.*

“Very funny book, relating dumb things people say while trying out their high school German. Laughing so hard at my normally quiet workplace I had tears in my eyes, my boss walked by and asked if I was OK. Oh yeah! She has a great sense of humor with an eye toward languages. Buy this book and laugh yourself silly!”

Kilgore Trout

* I’d give this ebook away for free but then you wouldn’t read it and that would be irresponsible so I won’t.

Arresting One Of The Fourteen Would Have Been Enough

Why did German authorities fail to stop Anis Amri, Spiegel asks? Like, duh. Because they can. And boy oh boy can they ever.

Amri

I mean, what didn’t go wrong here? Now it’s come out that this guy was known to German authorities under fourteen different identities long before the attack in Berlin took place. Nothing suspicious there, right? That’s why nothing was undertaken, I guess. Now people are asking why but they already know why because that’s why German authorities are there. To do nothing. Except get reprimanded for using bad words. That’s why. Inspires confidence, doesn’t it?

Aus einem Bericht des NRW-Landeskriminaldirektors Dieter Schürmann vor dem Ausschuss ging hevor, dass Amri den deutschen Behörden unter insgesamt 14 verschiedenen Identitäten bekannt war.

Next Delay For Berlin Airport Opening Postponed Until 2018

German newspapers are reporting that the latest delay announcement expected for the opening of Berlin’s troubled old new airport will now push the currently planned postponement back until the spring of 2018.

Airport

Disappointed Berliners had been hoping that the next delay announcement could have come as late as the spring of 2017 but this will now have to be moved forward as a new round of cost overruns and construction errors have caused yet another delay for that next planned delay.

Rumor has it that the Berlin Brandenburg Klaus Wowereit International Airport had originally been set to open in 2011 but no one can be located who can verify this with any certainty anymore.

The official announcement for the delay of the delay has been postponed until next year.

“Mir ist keine Entscheidung zwischen Weihnachten und Neujahr bekannt.”

Is There A Pattern Developing Here?

A group of six men, suspected of trying to set a homeless man on fire in a Berlin subway on Christmas Eve have turned themselves in to police. A seventh man, believed to be the main perpetrator, has been arrested.

U-Bahn

What the Deutsche Welle refuses to tell you here, however, is that six of these men were from Syria and the seventh from Libya, most of them already “polizeilich bekannt” (known to the police). Here illegally (they won’t have any passports, either), known to the police and out and about to participate in lively cultural exchange activities? Didn’t we just have something like that in Berlin recently?

Wie die B.Z. weiter erfuhr, soll es sich bei sechs Verdächtigen um Syrer handeln. Ein weiterer Mann soll aus Libyen stammen.

German Communities To Expand Use Of So-Called “Cameras”

Apparently as a reaction to the latest outcry for better public TV programing, many German municipalities are now suddenly calling for the more wide-spread installation of so-called closed-circuit television “cameras” to offer their captive audiences a more interactive and rewarding viewing experience.

Cameras

They are also calling for a more realistic reevaluation and better treatment methods for the German obsessive-compulsive disorder commonly referred to as “Datenschutz” here, although what that has to do with better public television programming remains unclear to the author as of this writing.

“Derzeit wird in Deutschland vieles, was möglich wäre, mit Hinweis auf den Datenschutz verhindert.”

Everything Under Control

My. This certainly inspires confidence, doesn’t it?

Terror

The guy German authorities are now looking for came to the country illegally (no passport). He had served four years in an Italian prison before that for burning down a school. He was wanted in Tunisia for other crimes. He has been committing other crimes since he arrived here in Germany but there have been no consequences. He was under surveillance for six months here because authorities feared he had become radicalized and may have been planning an attack but then they stopped the surveillance once they couldn’t get the specifics they needed to arrest him. He was due to be deported after the authorities finally got around to turning down his asylum application but they couldn’t send him back to Tunisia because he doesn’t have a passport, remember (Tunisia suddenly sent one for him, by the way – after the attack took place)? And then they lost track of him. And the only reason they even know who this guy is is because he was nice enough to leave an identification document and his fingerprints in the murder weapon truck he drove.

Well, at least they saved tons of time here in the chase by having so much information on film, right?

But other than that, the German government assures everyone that everything is under control. Now THAT is terrifying.

Terror Fails In The Failed State Of Berlin

Nothing works here, you know. Think airport, or any of the other construction sites around town that have been built to last forever. Or try getting something done at your local Bürgeramt (no, that’s a “citizen’s office,” not a hamburger joint). And Berliners can boast about having a whole army of brilliant city planners and administrators who are known to have made their counterparts in Venezuela green with envy. And broke? Berlin is so broke that even the debt here is in debt.

Berlin

And yet, nobody seems to care. I don’t know if stoic is the right word, long-suffering is more like it, but Berliners just don’t care. Nothing really shakes them. So now we have the situation where even international terrorist types come up against a brick wall here (another Berlin Wall?). These ISIS or whatever-they-call-themselves-this-week guys are just going to have to come to grips with the fact that Berliners aren’t particularly terrorized by their terror. In fact, they remain “maximally unperturbed” by the attack here yesterday, as Spiegel Online put it. And that pretty much sums it up.

Sad, in a way. If it weren’t all so sad. That these guys are failures goes without saying but to fail in a failed state like Berlin takes a very special kind of loser. Talk about adding insult to injury. What Luschen (duds).

“Eure Stadt fühlt sich sehr ruhig an. Ist Berlin eigentlich immer so?”