Don’t Mind The Mind Police

You don’t have to. They’re minding you. Before you even noticed that you minded, too. But once you do start minding, remember to remind yourself that they are only minding you for your own good. So never mind.

Sexism

Progress at last, I must say. Berlin’s Left party has taken another step forward into the past by banning what they have deemed to be sexist advertising with of half-naked women on city billboards. I couldn’t agree more. I want them all naked. Completely naked. Now.

That image above would also fall under that sexism category, by the way. Like I said, never mind.

“You don’t have to hide your pugs.”

A Liberal Mosque?

The first “liberal mosque” is set to open today in a church in Berlin.

Mosque

Liberal, huh? I guess they’re going to hold their services in the left-wing of that church. It’s the last mosque on the left side of that street, by the way.

Liberal? Why the pews in that mosque lean so far to the left that everybody piles up on the prayer mat.

Why that mosque is so liberal that the cleric plans to let his husband be the first one to call the faithful to prayer.

The brainchild behind the mosque is feminist, peace activist and lawyer Seyran Ates, who moved to Germany from Turkey at the age of six. It will allow men and women to pray and preach together rather than separately. “Fundamentally, the mosque’s door is open for everyone, with one exception: No one will come in with a niqab or burqa.”

More Tough Sentencing In Germany

The state court in Berlin convicted a group of young refugees from Syria and Libya on Tuesday who attempted to set fire to a sleeping homeless man at a subway station on Christmas last year. The oldest of the group, a 21-year-old Syrian man, was sentenced to two years and nine months in prison.

Crime

I guess the judges were being lenient like in that recent case in Cottbus. In Muslim countries it’s apparently OK to light people on fire so that needed to be taken into consideration, I assume.

But seriously, if were up to me and I were a judge here in Berlin I’d lock them up in the David Hasselhoff Museum and throw away the key.

Help Me Man I’m Sick

Ever feel a clammy unease and growing sense of disorientation when living in a particular German city while unsure about what it is you are actually experiencing except that nervous, slippery hold on reality during what is in effect a captivity drama much too subtly disquieting to be called a life?

Yup. Then you’ve got Berlin Syndrome, too. Take two aspirin and call me in the morning. Or, better yet, don’t call me. Like, at all. I’m being held captive and can’t come to the phone.

Der beklemmende Hype.

Who’s Your Daddy?

The German birth rate is suddenly spiking or something. I knew you could do it, guys.

Pregnant

German officials say growing numbers of pregnant immigrant women are paying German men to pose as fathers so that they can qualify for residency.

German broadcaster RBB found up to 700 cases in Berlin alone. “There are many unreported cases,” said Ole Schröder, a top interior ministry official.

Some pregnant immigrant women are reported to have paid fake fathers and solicitors as much as €5,000 (£4,356; $5,628) to get paternity registered. Once that is done, the baby automatically becomes a German citizen and the mother has the right to stay.

“Wir haben teilweise Personen, die über zehn Vaterschaften annerkannt haben.”

Latest Anti-Terror Tributes Frighten Islamist Terrorists Into Submission

Or at least that’s the plan, I assume.

Terror

If Berlin’s Brandenburg Gate lit up in the colors of the Union Jack didn’t get them to change their evil ways last night than that One Love Manchester concert certainly must have done the trick. Talk about your one-two knockout punch.

I mean, what else could we possibly undertake to stop Islamist terrorism in Europe? I can’t think of anything, either. Other than singing Imagine by John Lennon, perhaps (in unison, holding hands, of course). A new hash tag (#TerrorismIsBadDon’tDoIt)?We’ve done what we could, people. Let’s get on with our lives now.

EUROPE UNITES Berlin and Paris stand in solidarity with London as Brandenburg Gate lights up in Union Flag colours while the Eiffel Tower goes dark 24 hours after terror atrocity.

 

Suspicious Object Found At SPD Headquarters

And it wasn’t the Schulz effect, either.

Stegner

German police gave an all-clear on Monday at the headquarters of the Social Democratic Party (SPD) in Berlin after it was evacuated due to a suspicious object found in the mail room.

The object, being the face and attached body of SPD federal chairman and state chairman of Schleswig-Holstein Ralf Stegner (aka “the face of defeat”), was found loitering around the mail room, mumbling incoherently (even though there were no microphones in sight), apparently having been looking for fan mail. For hours and hours and hours on end, I assume.

“There was nothing found on Stegner that could have been termed dangerous,” a police spokesman later said as his colleagues led Stegner back outside to put him on a FlixBus to Kiel. “Other than that face, I mean.”

City Of Berlin Files Criminal Complaint Against City of Berlin’s Police Department

Just another example of how Berlin works. Or doesn’t work, I should say.

Amri

German authorities are investigating explosive new allegations of a police cover-up over Anis Amri, the Berlin Christmas market attacker. The Berlin regional government has filed criminal charges against two of its own police officers alleging they falsified documents to cover up a missed opportunity to arrest Amri more than a month before the attack.

But seeing how absolutely nothing ever works here, there will be some legal technicality or something else along those lines that will screw up these criminal charges. But not to worry. Because seeing how absolutely nothing ever works here, the alleged cover-up will not have properly covered up what they were trying to cover up, either. The truth always raises its ugly little head. Even in Berlin.

“Es gibt keine Garantie, dass er auch in Haft gekommen wäre.”

Berlin May Day Protesters Too Bourgeois For This Anti-Bourgeois Nonsense

And too old, I guess. Everything is “relatively calm” yet again. Boring.

May

In 1987, far-left rioters battled with police for 12 hours, looting shops and burning cars. They were fighting against what they called a “bourgeois” celebration of the 750th anniversary of the founding of Berlin.

Rioting on May 1 then became a regular tradition in Berlin, starting in West Berlin and spreading to the East following reunification in 1990. In 1989 protests 364 police officers were injured. In 2000 the extent of the violence led to an attempted ban on protests the following year. In 2009 after a few years of relative calm, 273 police were injured with some rioters facing attempted murder charges for throwing Molotov cocktails.

Walpurgnisnacht und 1. Mai verliefen bisher weitgehend ruhig – trotz zahlreicher Demonstrationen. Tausende Menschen sind außerdem in Kreuzberg auf dem Myfest unterwegs.

German Of The Day: Vollverschleierungsverbot

That means full-face veil ban. Veil, what will they think of next?

Veil

That just became law in Germany, although it only applies for Richterinnen (judge ladies), Beamtinnen (civil servant ladies) and Soldatinnen (soldier ladies). All ten or twelve of them. How many women in those positions in Germany might want to wear such an awful thing, anyway? But hey, it’s a good start I guess.*

“Integration bedeutet auch, dass wir unsere Werte und die Grenzen unserer Toleranz gegenüber anderen Kulturen deutlich machen und vermitteln.”

* I don’t think men in those positions are allowed to wear them, either. But don’t quote me on that.