EU + Brexit = 3.5+ For Germany

That’s 3.5 billion more. Euros. To pay, I mean. Annually.

Oettinger

Somebody has to compensate for the Brexit shortfall and Greece won’t answer the phone. Nor will Italy, France or anybody else out there. Maybe the EU dream team back then should have tried a little harder to keep Britain in and compromised just that little tiny bit more but hey, that was then and this is now. Get out your checkbook, Berlin.

What a mess.

Konkret sprach Oettinger gegenüber der Bild-Zeitung von “mindestens 3 oder 3,5 Milliarden Euro” jährlich. Zu den neuen Aufgaben gehörten etwa der Schutz der Außengrenzen oder der Kampf gegen Terror. Zudem könnten zusätzliche Zahlungen Deutschlands dazu beitragen, die durch den Austritt Großbritanniens aus der EU entstehende Lücke zu schließen.

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More Crappy PC Films But This Time With That Special #MeToo Touch

Which is also a bunch of crap. But maybe that’s just me.

Berlinale

Let the Berlinale begin again or something. That way it will be over quicker. And please note: With special safe space area this year!

The organizers said they had created a special counseling center at the festival where both audience and participants of the festival could go if they experience or witness discrimination, harassment or abuse. 

I’m wacko for Wacko-puffs! Wacko for Wacko-puffs!

Berlinale-Chef Kosslick verspricht “politisch korrektes Entertainment.”

SPD Outrage…

Is the most outrageous kind of outrage there is around here. Take this one: Outrage about the unacceptably high number of temp employment contracts in Germany today. We’ll see to it that these poor people get real jobs!

SPD

Fine. Run with it. So that’s why the SPD is making such a big noise about alleviating this scourge as soon as the next GroKo (with SPD participation) is finally in power.

The only dumb thing here is that they wouldn’t have to wait that long if they didn’t want to. It turns out that the folks over at the SPD-run Ministry for Family Affairs, Senior Citizens, Women and Youth, for instance, have hired way too many of these poor defenseless temp employees themselves. They’re not willing to give these people permanent contracts, however. This is because… Because why anyway? And there we have it again, folks: The SPD redistributor world vs. the real finite resources world.

Die SPD hat im Koalitionsvertrag einen Kompromiss zu sachgrundlosen Befristungen ausgehandelt. Tatsächlich ist die Praxis aber auch in Bundesministerien gängig.

Turn That Frown Upside Down

Before you’re out of the picture altogether. The SPD’s “popularity” rating has now dropped to 17%. They used to say anything under 20% for a so-called Volkspartei and you’re dead. Now they’re happy to have even that.

Nahesl

And their fearless leaders are dropping like flies, too. First of all the savior guy from a year ago, Martin Schulz, who has now met his political end. Next, with any luck, the super Sozi Andreas Nahles herself. She has already elected herself to take over for him and be the head of the party, even if it’s only temporary, but the party is so beat up and bleeding and tired of the leadership’s mismanagement that they may just tell her no.

And this would be a shocker. She has the best SPD credentials you can possibly have: She studied for ten or twenty years and has never worked a day in her life. She has had years of experience, however, being head social democrat what’s in charge of redistributing other people’s money and seeing to it that future generations pay for her over-the-top spending. I’d hate to see her go but I’d get over it. That means she would finally have to get a real job and see what it’s like to earn that money herself. Oops. I forgot. As a top dog civil servant her big fat retirement is waiting for her now.

Sie ist zwar keine Partei-Vize, doch der SPD-Vorstand überlegt dennoch, Andrea Nahles kommissarisch den Parteivorsitz zu übergeben. Mehrere Landesverbände lehnen das ab.

German Of The Day: Weltkriegsbombe

That means a bomb from a world war (there have been more than one, you see). You know, like the one they just found in London forcing the closure of its City Airport today?

Bombe

Please note here: It is a bomb from a  world war. It is not an American or a British bomb. Nor is it a French or a Soviet bomb. It goes without saying that it certainly could not be a German bomb because it is a bomb from a world war, OK? Why somebody would bury it there like that is hard to say and no one knows who did it, either. So move along, please. Nothing to see here. Weltkriegsbombe, got it?

Bauarbeiter haben im Osten Londons eine Bombe aus dem Zweiten Weltkrieg entdeckt.

The Case Of The Missing Navy

OK, practically non-existent navy.

The German military commissioner is always the last to know, I guess.

Ship

He, too, has now determined that the German navy does not have enough ships (and we don’t even want to start thinking about their submarines). Not that the warships they do have will ever actually be used as warships or anything, just sayin’.

New ships are apparently too technologically complex to operate, it seems. And the older ships can’t seem to get the parts they need due to excessive bureaucracy and end up stranded indefinitely in dry dock.

He did have some good news, however. The German navy is really good at mothballing their older ships. Six of the 15 older frigates were taken out of service in exemplary fashion. Without being replaced by new ones, of course. Aber immerhin (but still).

“Es sollte keine neue maritime Mission für Nato, EU oder Uno mehr dazukommen. Der Marine gehen die einsatzfähigen Schiffe aus.”

Operation Valkyrie 2.0?

‘We don’t have much time’ Angela Merkel’s youth wing plots to OUST her as popularity drops.

Merkel

Worried that the tiny little bit that is left of the CDU could soon evaporate altogether after Chancellor Merkel’s breathtakingly poor negotiation results in forming the latest grand coalition (the CDU has, in essence, become the SPD – the tail will soon be wagging the dog), a small group of fanatical CDU youth is preparing to implement an emergency continuity of CDU government operations plan as soon as they can figure out a way to bump off the old bag. Politically speaking, of course.

Insiders speculate that incriminating photos of a drugged Chancellor in bed with an even more drugged Martin Schulz ought to do the trick.  Outsiders speculate that there are not enough drugs out there strong enough to enable anybody to look at photos like that.

“Merkel has yielded critical levers in order to buy herself another four years in the country’s top office. Now these SPD politicos, most of whom are relatively unknown outside Berlin, will be the ones to shape the politics of Europe and Germany, the EU’s mightiest member, in the years to come.”

Germans Coming And Going At The Same Time

Over 100 each year? Jeepers. Isn’t it time to consider introducing more rigorous masturbation control legislation? At least when it comes to sliced cheese?

Sexspiele

Masturbation kills 100 Germans every year: Study discovers bizarre ways people died pleasuring themselves including a man who tried to melt sliced cheese over himself.

In Deutschland sterben immer wieder Menschen, weil sie bei der Selbstbefriedigung den extremen Kick suchen. Ein Rechtsmediziner geht von bis zu 100 Fällen pro Jahr aus.

Back To Black

Oh boy. The one thing that nobody wants in this country is precisely what this country is about to get. Another GroKo (don’t ask what it is, just listen to the way it sounds).

Black

Angela Merkel’s conservatives have made a deal with the Social Democrats for a new coalition contract in Germany. Let’s whip out the music and celebrate or something.

The only thing that could stop it now is a vote by SPD members in a week or two on whether to accept the coalition agreement or not. And you can always count on the SPD to let you down.

Made In Germany

Speaking of sanctions… Neither Iran nor Syria will ever have to worry about those, either. Not as long as Germany is in the picture, I mean.

Germany

Germany’s Federal Office for Economic Affairs and Export Control approved a license for a company to sell military applicable technology to Iranian companies that subsequently was used in Syrian regime chemical weapons attacks, reported the German publication Bild on Monday.

The German company Krempel, located near the southern city of Stuttgart, sold electronic press boards to Iranian companies that were used in the production of rockets.

Deutsche Bauteile in Assads Giftgas-Raketen – „Der konventionelle Gefechtskopf wurde entfernt und mit einem großen Gaszylinder ersetzt.“ Die Kennzeichnung aller Raketen verrate, dass sie „2016 produziert wurden und während des Konfliktes aus dem Iran geliefert wurden“.