What Germans Do In Their Free Time?

Free time

One popular thing these days is stockpiling food.

Arming themselves is another favorite pastime at the moment, too.

Losing confidence in the future is also big. But that’s always among the the top ten German free time activities anyway so, well, let’s move on (yeah, to the future).

Once they’re done with those they also enjoy window surfing (put that towel down first!), having fights about opening and closing windows and shaking their heads in disgust.

In surveys over the past 25 years, watching TV has been the unchallenged most popular pastime of the Germans. Through the introduction of TV sets in households in 1984, television consumption has continuously increased. This year, 97 percent of those polled by the “Hamburger Stiftung für Zukunftsfragen” said they watch the tube at least once a week – and that it is their favorite leisure activity.

Germans Demand Loyalty From Turks They Don’t Want

“When it comes to the Turkish community living in Germany for a long time, we expect them to develop a high degree of loyalty to our country,” said Chancellor Angela Merkel to representatives of the German Turkish community living in Germany for a long time.

Turks

“It’s not like we’re ever going to gladly grant you citizenship or warmly welcome you here after you’ve been like already living here for a generation or two or three or who the hell knows how long, we just think that it would be the right thing for you to do right now,” she said after that (not).

“But we are willing to listen to their concerns, and to try to understand them.”

Ninjas Not Allowed In School

I meant niqabs, of course (I always mix those two up for some reason).

Veil

A Muslim woman who had been accepted to night school in Osnabrück showed up for class wearing a niqab. When asked to remove it she refused and was subsequently expelled. She then went to court to fight the decision but didn’t bother to show up for a court appointment set to help clarify the matter. The court has now decided in favor of the school.

The whole thing is very schleierhaft, if you ask me. You know, “veiled in mystery?”

Eine Muslima, die an einem Osnabrücker Abendgymnasium mit einem Gesichtsschleier am Unterricht teilnehmen wollte, ist vor Gericht gescheitert.

PS: In a related story, you can now pick up pepper spray at one of Germany’s popular drugstore chains. Supply and demand and the invisible hand. Capitalism is a wonderful thing, folks.

German Men Practically As Good As German Women

When it comes to Olympic soccer gold, I mean.

Soccer

Neymar scored the deciding spot kick in a riveting penalty shootout to give Brazil its first Olympic championship in men’s soccer at the Rio Games on Saturday. The host nation won the shootout 5-4 after goalkeeper Weverton blocked Nils Petersen’s fifth-round penalty to keep it at 4-4.

Germans Pissed Off At Smiling Olympic Athletes

Who lose, I mean.

Sieg

The nerve or something. “The Hahner twins Lisa and Anna ended their Olympic marathon race more than 21 minutes behind the winner and more than 15 minutes on their best performance, in position 81 and 82. It looked as though they completed a fun run and not an Olympic race.”

You’re supposed to win, verdammt (dammit)! Stomp the opponent under your Nikes or whatever Olympic athletes wear at a time like this and NOT come across the finish line holding hands and, well, smiling. It’s attitudes like these that make the Olympics seem as if it were supposed to be some kind of an uplifting experience, symbolizing the joy of participating and sharing, a rare occasion when all of humanity comes together as one. You know, fantasy stuff like that.

You want some German of the day, ladies? How about Sieg? You make us Sieg to our stomachs just looking at you. Losers!

“Number 81 and 82 was definitely not what we had hoped for. Whether we are satisfied? No. But crossing the finish line was nevertheless one of our greatest sporting moments.”

German Of The Day: Dirndl

A dirndl (German: [ˈdɪʁndl̩] ( listen)) is a type of traditional dress worn in Austria, South Tyrol and Bavaria. It is based on the traditional clothing of Alps peasants. Dresses that are loosely based on the dirndl are known as Landhausmode (“country-inspired fashion”).

This down here is not one of them.

Dirndl

Ein Gespenst geht um in Deutschland. Es trägt ein langes dunkles Gewand, das nur die Augen ausspart.

Burkini Lady Sues

After being harassed at a swimming pool in a place called Bad Saarow in Brandenburg. All bads sarrow* on whether she’ll be getting legal satisfaction or not. And no, it wasn’t an itsy bitsy teenie weenie burkini kind of burkini she was wearing. That’s the whole problem, I guess.

Burkini

And speaking of teenies (just barely)… Are the hundreds (thousands?) of child brides in Germany going to sue next? To not have to be forced to go through with these ordeals, I mean? Stupid question. They’re way too young to be allowed to do that.

An anonymous teacher told newspaper Welt am Sonntag that young girls often suddenly stop showing up to school after getting married.

In Deutschland verschwinden immer öfter Mädchen aus der Schule, weil sie verheiratet wurden. Der Kinderschutzbund fordert, das Ehealter grundsätzlich auf 18 Jahre festzulegen – ohne Ausnahmen.

* Bets are off. Get it?

Pokémon Go Home

Please.

Pokémon Go

“The game has gotten off to a good start in Germany. More than 7.7 million people, that’s 11 percent of the population, have downloaded and installed the app. By way of comparison, in Great Britain it’s 13 percent, 5.4 million of these players still playing. 34.4 million Americans have downloaded Pokémon Go and 30.8 million of them are still actively on the hunt. 10 million have made purchases through the app.”

In Deutschland hat das Spiel einen starken Start hingelegt. Mehr als 7,7 Millionen Menschen, also 11 Prozent der Bevölkerung, haben die App heruntergeladen und installiert.

German Intelligence At Its Best

I mean like that spy kind of intelligence intelligence, you know what I mean?

Sleepeer Cell

A top official at Bavaria’s department of the Office for the Protection of the Constitution has gone way out on a limb and said that ISIS sleepers “may have arrived as refugees” in Germany. “We have irrefutable evidence that there is an ISIS command structure that makes an attack in Germany highly possible.”

He also said in a later comment that “The risk is abstract, but very high that the Pope is a Catholic.”

“Das Risiko ist zwar abstrakt, aber sehr hoch. Wir müssen akzeptieren, dass wir Hit-Teams und Schläferzellen auch hier in Deutschland haben.”

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