German Of The Day: Durch die ganze Linie

That means “through the entire line,” as in all down the line, or by all involved, in this case.

Jaber Al-Bakr

So, let’s sum up this Jaber al-Bakr case in Germany: First of all, you have a German intelligence service (BND) that isn’t in the position to know about this guy or his plans on its own – that evil US-Amerikan NSA had to give them the tip. Then you’ve got policemen who let this guy get away during their raid. After that he gets captured, tied up and turned in to the police by three Syrian refugees. And to top it off, the authorities then guarding him let him commit suicide in his cell.

All in all, some top-notch work. All down the line. By all involved.

Einem Medienbericht zufolge hat ein US-Geheimdienst einen entscheidenden Hinweis auf den Terrorverdächtigen Dschaber al Bakr geliefert.

German Jail Guards Shocked That Syrian Suicide Bomb Suspect Would Want To Kill Himself

“I am incredibly shocked and in disbelief that this could have happened,” said one guard after being informed of the hanging, while eating a sandwich and watching Tatort in the break room.


“Yeah. Just because some guy was fiddling around with the same high explosive used for the suicide vests in the Paris attacks doesn’t necessarily mean he was out to harm himself,” another guard replied, sitting next to the first guard, playing solitaire. “Besides, we’re like nowhere even near Paris.”

No other jail guards were present to be interviewed at the time of this post so their comments concerning the incident will have to be gathered later.

Man kann den Eindruck bekommen, als wäre hier vorgegangen worden, als sei das ein Taschendieb, der vor dem Hauptbahnhof gefangen worden ist.

Germans Worried About TTIP

Oops, I meant TATP, of course.


TATP stands for triacetone triperoxide and is an extremely powerful explosive substance that was found in the Chemnitz apartment of a Syrian refugee, an apartment German police raided just minutes after the suspect escaped.

This is the same stuff that was used by the suicide bombers in Paris last November. German state media is therefore going to go way out on the limb here for once and speculate that this particular refugee “might” have been involved in a so-called “terrorist” plot. Details at eleven or something.

Stunned residents reacted to the incident last night, with one neighbour slamming Albakr as an ‘a*******’ for his alleged plot – what a racist, xenophobic a******* that neighbour must be.

Die Polizei überwachte die Chemnitzer Wohnung, in der Sprengstoff gefunden wurde. Doch die Beamten konnten Jaber A. nicht stoppen, als der das Haus verließ.

At Least These Guys Don’t Go On Vacation At Taxpayers’ Expense

Three suspected ISIS operatives arrested at German refugee shelters

The prosecutor’s office said investigations so far suggested the men, aged between 17 and 26, arrived in the country in mid-November 2015 on the orders of Isis, rather than having been recruited in Germany. They were either served with an order to carry out a specific attack or were waiting for further instructions, it said.

The suspects are believed to have sworn allegiance to Isis at the end of September 2015 at the latest, in the Syrian city of Raqqa. They are alleged to have received brief training in weaponry and explosives before pledging to carry out operations and attacks in Europe on behalf of Isis.

The terrorist organisation allegedly arranged passports for them, and gave them four-figure sum bundles of US dollars as well as mobile phones with pre-installed communication programmes.

Anti-Terror-Razzia in Flüchtlingsheimen – GSG9 nimmt drei Syrer fest

The Dirty Dozen

The German army is shrinking fast. After a recent purge of right-wing extremists, left-wing extremists and now Islamists, the number of able combat soldiers the Bundeswehr keeps on hand to never actually use has dropped to a dangerously low level indeed. Below is a picture of the entire remaining German army in non-action.


“This has gone far enough already,” said one disgruntled spokesman for the pitifully anemic somewhat military-like force. “If they ever make us kick out the common criminals and other unsavory types we won’t have anyone left to not go to war with at all.”

More than 60 Islamists are suspected of sneaking into the ranks of the Germany army to undergo military training and carry out attacks in the country, it has been reported.

German Intelligence At Its Best

I mean like that spy kind of intelligence intelligence, you know what I mean?

Sleepeer Cell

A top official at Bavaria’s department of the Office for the Protection of the Constitution has gone way out on a limb and said that ISIS sleepers “may have arrived as refugees” in Germany. “We have irrefutable evidence that there is an ISIS command structure that makes an attack in Germany highly possible.”

He also said in a later comment that “The risk is abstract, but very high that the Pope is a Catholic.”

“Das Risiko ist zwar abstrakt, aber sehr hoch. Wir müssen akzeptieren, dass wir Hit-Teams und Schläferzellen auch hier in Deutschland haben.”

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

“I always knew that German tourists were a laugh a minute but this number here nearly KILLED me!”


Five young German women were arrested after a flash mob stunt at a Spanish resort sparked a terror alert, police said Wednesday (Aug 3).

The five caused a stampede in Platja d’Aro in the northeastern region of Catalonia late Tuesday when one of them pretended to be a celebrity and the rest chased after her, whooping and screaming as they tried to snap her paparazzi-style…

Eleven people needed treatment for bruising and panic attacks.

The stunt occurred on the heels of an assault in the French Riviera resort of Nice on July 14 in which a man killed 84 people by ramming them with a truck.

Angeblich sollte dabei die Verfolgungsjagd eines Prominenten durch Paparazzi simuliert werden.

German Of The Day: Bewährungsprobe

That means a test. As in a litmus test. As in the proving ground. As in testing times.

Yeah, that’s it. Testing times. And that, according to Chancellor Merkel herself, is what Germany is going through at the moment.

But it ain’t no big deal because, well, no. There still is no Plan B. And yes, “wir schaffen das” (we can do it). “We” meaning “you” in this case, of course. But still.

“Das ist eine Bewährungsprobe. Ich bin überzeugt, dass wir das schaffen.”

German Of The Day: Abschiedskultur

Yesterday we discussed the German Willkomenskultur (welcome culture). Today the very latest big thing is a new German word called Abschiedskultur (farewell or send-off culture).


There are over 200,000 asylum seekers who have been denied asylum here in Germany but are still here. After the latest terror attacks – committed by two of them – a CDU politician (from Angela Merkel’s welcome culture party itself) has now had the audacity to say that it’s high time for the German government to see to it that those denied asylum actually go.

Boy oh boy did this guy ever take a dive into some hot water.

Wer abgelehnt wird, muss gehen.

PS: Sorry, I just double-checked. Only one of those two asylum seekers was denied asylum. The other one was “well-integrated.”

Too Early To Tell

Again, I mean.


There will be no jumping to conclusions here, dear German readers. It is verboten or something. But we do have to consider the remote possibility that maybe, just perhaps, this latest attack in Ansbach was also an act of Islamic terror (itself). It is too early to tell, however, like I said. And we certainly would not want to hurt anybody’s feelings by doing so.

What is going on in Germany?, the BBC journalist above asks. Well just don’t ask any German journalists if you want to know.

Es „fühlte sich wie Terror an“, muss aber keiner gewesen sein.