At Least These Guys Don’t Go On Vacation At Taxpayers’ Expense

Three suspected ISIS operatives arrested at German refugee shelters

ISIS
The prosecutor’s office said investigations so far suggested the men, aged between 17 and 26, arrived in the country in mid-November 2015 on the orders of Isis, rather than having been recruited in Germany. They were either served with an order to carry out a specific attack or were waiting for further instructions, it said.

The suspects are believed to have sworn allegiance to Isis at the end of September 2015 at the latest, in the Syrian city of Raqqa. They are alleged to have received brief training in weaponry and explosives before pledging to carry out operations and attacks in Europe on behalf of Isis.

The terrorist organisation allegedly arranged passports for them, and gave them four-figure sum bundles of US dollars as well as mobile phones with pre-installed communication programmes.

Anti-Terror-Razzia in Flüchtlingsheimen – GSG9 nimmt drei Syrer fest

The Dirty Dozen

The German army is shrinking fast. After a recent purge of right-wing extremists, left-wing extremists and now Islamists, the number of able combat soldiers the Bundeswehr keeps on hand to never actually use has dropped to a dangerously low level indeed. Below is a picture of the entire remaining German army in non-action.

Army

“This has gone far enough already,” said one disgruntled spokesman for the pitifully anemic somewhat military-like force. “If they ever make us kick out the common criminals and other unsavory types we won’t have anyone left to not go to war with at all.”

More than 60 Islamists are suspected of sneaking into the ranks of the Germany army to undergo military training and carry out attacks in the country, it has been reported.

German Intelligence At Its Best

I mean like that spy kind of intelligence intelligence, you know what I mean?

Sleepeer Cell

A top official at Bavaria’s department of the Office for the Protection of the Constitution has gone way out on a limb and said that ISIS sleepers “may have arrived as refugees” in Germany. “We have irrefutable evidence that there is an ISIS command structure that makes an attack in Germany highly possible.”

He also said in a later comment that “The risk is abstract, but very high that the Pope is a Catholic.”

“Das Risiko ist zwar abstrakt, aber sehr hoch. Wir müssen akzeptieren, dass wir Hit-Teams und Schläferzellen auch hier in Deutschland haben.”

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

“I always knew that German tourists were a laugh a minute but this number here nearly KILLED me!”

Stunt

Five young German women were arrested after a flash mob stunt at a Spanish resort sparked a terror alert, police said Wednesday (Aug 3).

The five caused a stampede in Platja d’Aro in the northeastern region of Catalonia late Tuesday when one of them pretended to be a celebrity and the rest chased after her, whooping and screaming as they tried to snap her paparazzi-style…

Eleven people needed treatment for bruising and panic attacks.

The stunt occurred on the heels of an assault in the French Riviera resort of Nice on July 14 in which a man killed 84 people by ramming them with a truck.

Angeblich sollte dabei die Verfolgungsjagd eines Prominenten durch Paparazzi simuliert werden.

German Of The Day: Bewährungsprobe

That means a test. As in a litmus test. As in the proving ground. As in testing times.

Yeah, that’s it. Testing times. And that, according to Chancellor Merkel herself, is what Germany is going through at the moment.

But it ain’t no big deal because, well, no. There still is no Plan B. And yes, “wir schaffen das” (we can do it). “We” meaning “you” in this case, of course. But still.

“Das ist eine Bewährungsprobe. Ich bin überzeugt, dass wir das schaffen.”

German Of The Day: Abschiedskultur

Yesterday we discussed the German Willkomenskultur (welcome culture). Today the very latest big thing is a new German word called Abschiedskultur (farewell or send-off culture).

Asylum

There are over 200,000 asylum seekers who have been denied asylum here in Germany but are still here. After the latest terror attacks – committed by two of them – a CDU politician (from Angela Merkel’s welcome culture party itself) has now had the audacity to say that it’s high time for the German government to see to it that those denied asylum actually go.

Boy oh boy did this guy ever take a dive into some hot water.

Wer abgelehnt wird, muss gehen.

PS: Sorry, I just double-checked. Only one of those two asylum seekers was denied asylum. The other one was “well-integrated.”

Too Early To Tell

Again, I mean.

Ansbach

There will be no jumping to conclusions here, dear German readers. It is verboten or something. But we do have to consider the remote possibility that maybe, just perhaps, this latest attack in Ansbach was also an act of Islamic terror (itself). It is too early to tell, however, like I said. And we certainly would not want to hurt anybody’s feelings by doing so.

What is going on in Germany?, the BBC journalist above asks. Well just don’t ask any German journalists if you want to know.

Es „fühlte sich wie Terror an“, muss aber keiner gewesen sein.

Neanderthals Back In Germany

Neanderthals once populated the entire European continent. Around 45,000 years ago, Homo neanderthalensis was the predominant human species in Europe. They reached their population peak right before their population rapidly declined and they eventually became extinct.

Neanderthal

Or so it was thought until recently.

Ax

Precisely why this species will finally die out for good is still unclear. Perhaps it will be due to low genetic diversity, perhaps to the rise of Homo sapiens like the rest of us with real brains. This question will continue to occupy amateur scientists like myself for some time to come.

Too Early To Speculate

And we shouldn’t jump to any conclusions here, German politicians have been quick to say (and this is also why you will not find a single German news report with the word “terror” in it).

Attack

Just because the attacker was a refugee from Afghanistan who shouted “Allahu Akbar” (God is great) during the attack does not necessarily mean that this is the latest Islamic terror attack, you know. It is much more the case, we are about to be told, that German society isn’t doing enough to integrate these unfortunate individuals. And that police brutality is rampant überall these days, etc. Stay tuned.

A hand-drawn Islamic State flag was found in the room of the 17-year-old Afghan refugee who attacked passengers on a train in southern Germany before being shot dead by police, the interior minister for the state of Bavaria said on Tuesday.

Er war wohl ein afghanischer Flüchtling. In seinem Zimmer wurde eine handgemalte IS-Flagge gefunden.

PS: I think it’s high time that Germany introduce more stringent axe control.

Two Americans, Three Germans Among Those Killed in Attack in Nice

The U.S. State Department said Friday that two American citizens were among those killed in the truck attack in Nice, as authorities here began the grim task of identifying the scores of dead and hospitals remained in a state of emergency.

Nice

Reinhard Naumann, mayor of the Berlin borough of Charlottenburg and Wilmersdorf, said two German students and one teacher from the Paula Fürst School in his district were killed in the attack.