Designated Loser (SPD) Magnanimously Makes Room For Next Designated Loser (SPD)

The current head of the SPD, Sigmar Gabriel, has decided not to run as SPD candidate for chancellor in next September’s Merkelection, magnanimously allowing the all-knowing and immensely more annoying Martin Schulz to lose in his stead instead.

SPD

Schulz, commissar refugee from Brussels currently seeking asylum in Germany, could not be reached for comment but this does not really matter because he never freakin’ stops talking anyway.

Das Porträt zeigt einen Politiker, der “nach einem halben Jahr Nachdenken, Zweifeln, Ringen, nach Fahrplanänderungen und Freundschaftskrisen” endlich mit sich im Reinen ist.

What Does Reality Have To Do With Anything?

We Germans don’t care that “Germany isn’t an ideal place for solar and wind power.” We’re green. And we’re going to stay green and pay green (one of the highest electricity rates in the developed world) until we’re green in the face.

Green

Once, German utilities like E.on and RWE had a sound business model that produced cheap energy from nuclear factories. That’s how the two companies could be kind to investors, workers, and taxpayers…

Then the green revolution caught up with the utility sector, as German government decided to abandon nuclear for green energy. “In the aftermath of the Fukushima catastrophe, the German government (Angela Merkel) has resorted to an overhasted exit from nuclear energy until 2022,” explains investment analyst Martin Burdenski. “This decision was in stark contrast to a lifetime extension of existing nuclear plants in 2010…”

“The companies will now receive compensation for investments made between the lifetime extension in fall 2010 and the abandonment of nuclear energy in 2011.”

US-Amerika

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

SIG

Because somebody has to admire them.

German weapons American made? Damn. This Trump guy means business, or what?

Die US-Army suchte ein „Modulare Handgun System (MHS)“ und SIG Sauer betont, dass sich an der Pistole mit üblicherweise 9-Millimeter-Kaliber die Größe der Pistolengriffe austauschen lässt und auch das Kaliber geändert werden kann.

Nervous Germans More Nervous Than Usual For Some Reason

I haven’t been able to decrypt this Deutsche Welle article yet but at least there aren’t that many words in it.

Trump

Here are most of them: Disbelief… bad dream… cold sweat… irritation… extremely alarming… dangerous… help of fake news… populist… irrational… awful phantom… concerned… not been very convincing… catastrophic mistake… contempt… inauguration.

“There are no signs showing that it will be good.”

This Man Is Not A Terrorist

It’s the woman standing next to him. Hardy, har, har.

Terrorist

Anas Modamani, who migrated to Germany from Syria, told the BBC that a photo he took with German leader Angela Merkel has been used in various reports claiming he was involved in several different terrorist attacks, which spread around Facebook.

Modamani hired a lawyer to file an injunction against the Menlo Park-based social network alleging the company failed to remove racist posts, in violation of German hate speech laws. The legal action comes as Facebook faces mounting pressure to do something about the proliferation of fake news on the social network.

Er wäre ein Paradebeispiel für gelungene Integration. Doch nach einem Selfie mit der Kanzlerin wird Anas Modamani immer wieder als Terrorist verunglimpft. Die Geschichte eines 19-Jährigen, der jetzt genug hat.

Another Year Closes

But Berlin’s “new” airport doors won’t. So that’s why the grand opening will have to be put off again for another year.

Doors

For now, I mean. Hey, when one door closes another one opens. And when when one door doesn’t close… Whatever.

Statt 80 Prozent Ende 2016 sind de facto nur 20 Prozent in Ordnung. Ein ordnungsgemäßes Funktionieren der Türen ist jedoch insbesondere für die fehlerfreie Entrauchung wichtig.

PS: You just wait, Hamburg. You’re going to have to.

German Of The Day: Stiff Upper Lippe

That means stiff upper lip.

Trump

And that’s what meany Berlin politician types are struggling with to keep up after Donald Trump’s latest bizarre attacks against Germany, the EU and NATO.

In trying to console themselves, however, many German stiff-upper-lippers remind the rest of us that Donald Trump is also against the UN, the CIA, the FBI, AC/DC, TCP/IP and even LSD itself, to name just a few. Although the LSD…

With a stiff upper lip, Steffen Seibert instead pledged that Berlin would “co-operate closely” with the Trump administration.

Germans Disturbed That Racial Profiling Actually Worked

But not all too much, it seems.

Profiling
I mean, who ought those police checks on New Year’s Eve in Cologne have been directed toward? Blonde Scandanavian retirees? Something tells me that would have been less effective than the emphasis they placed on Nafris.

A YouGov poll released on Thursday found that the majority of Germans said racial profiling was not problematic, amid criticism of police checks on New Year’s Eve in Cologne. Sixty-three percent of Germans in the YouGov poll said they did not find racial profiling generally problematic.

Mehrheit der Deutschen hält Racial Profiling für unproblematisch, US-Amerikaner denken anders

My German Is More Dumber Than Your German Is

It’s 99 cent blowout ebook sale time again! Like how outrageous is that?

Dumb

Dumb Deutsch: Absurd German Language Errors (auch für deutsche Leser geeignet)

Also available at iTunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, etc. For a limited time only or something.*

“Very funny book, relating dumb things people say while trying out their high school German. Laughing so hard at my normally quiet workplace I had tears in my eyes, my boss walked by and asked if I was OK. Oh yeah! She has a great sense of humor with an eye toward languages. Buy this book and laugh yourself silly!”

Kilgore Trout

* I’d give this ebook away for free but then you wouldn’t read it and that would be irresponsible so I won’t.

At Least It’s Not A Life Sentence

Or lebenslänglich*, as the Germans like to call it. It’s only 169 years.

Life

Or could be. For Volkswagen managers who get arrested in US-Amerika, I mean.

A U.S. judge on Thursday ordered a Volkswagen executive charged in the Justice Department’s diesel emissions investigation held without bail pending trial. Oliver Schmidt was arrested Saturday at Miami’s International Airport as he planned to fly home after a vacation. He was one of six current and former VW executives charged this week in U.S. District Court in Detroit. The other five are in Germany and are unlikely to be extradited…

Schmidt is charged with eleven felony counts, which could be punished by up to 169 years in prison, the government said.

VW-Manager drohen bis zu 169 Jahre Gefängnis

* There is no such think as a life sentence in Germany, by the way. A life sentence is 15 years here.