Tag Archives: Humor
How To Avoid Getting Scolded By A German?
That’s easy. Practice very aggressive social distancing. You know. Like, move to France?
Have you ever walked on the bicycle lane? Put a refundable bottle into a regular bin? Asked a bus driver how much the ride costs? In Germany, these beginners’ mistakes might earn you a good scold. Here’s how to avoid it…
“The point is not whether they are right or not, it’s that anyone here thinks they’re allowed to educate you.”
German Oddity 177. Germany is what you might call a correcting culture. It is not uncommon for perfect strangers to publically reprimand you here if you do not abide by what is considered the societal norm. Newcomers are usually shocked when discovering that others have no qualms about telling you that you’re doing something wrong, as if you were a small child. If they don’t tell you outright there will at least be a display of disapproving headshaking.
If You’re Going To Pull Down Statues
You might as well pull down Fawlty Towers while you’re at it.
Nobody gets this. But nobody gets what’s going on anywhere else these days so, whatever.
An episode of sitcom Fawlty Towers has been taken off UKTV’s streaming service because it contains “racial slurs”.
The BBC-owned platform said it had made The Germans unavailable while it carries out a review.
In the 1975 episode, Basil Fawlty declares “don’t mention the war” around German guests, while the Major uses highly offensive language about the West Indies cricket team.
“One of the things I’ve learned in the last 180 years is that people have very different senses of humour.”
“Offer Good Through March 07, 2020”
Can It Get Any More Evil Than This?
Or sacrilegious? Or blasphemous even?
Somebody called Naomi Seibt is desecrating Greta’s media image. She’s being hyped as the “Anti-Greta” and is, well, you know, trying to hijack Greta’s hype. Out-freakin’-rageous if you ask me. Is nothing sacred anymore? She’s German, you know. That pretty much explains it all. If you get what I’m saying.
I’m sure Greta is a nice girl and I would love to have a conversation with her. I just believe that there is a giant network of people behind her who are out to make a profit. I don’t want to be the marionette of the opposing side, I’m not Naomi at the head of the right-wingers. I just question all the propaganda and the hysteria and reach my own conclusions.
Greta ist bestimmt ein nettes Mädchen und ich würde mich gerne mit ihr persönlich unterhalten. Ich glaube einfach, dass hinter ihr ein grosses Netzwerk steht aus Menschen, die durch sie profitieren wollen. Ich möchte nicht die Marionette der gegnerischen Seite sein, ich bin nicht die Naomi an der Spitze der Rechten. Ich hinterfrage die ganze Propaganda und Hysterie und ziehe meine eigenen Schlüsse.
Cora S,
Beautiful German of the week.
Because somebody has to admire them.
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Brain Quest – A Fantastic Voyage through the Progressive Mind. Out now!
“Other than a slight run-in with an errant gang of deviant subculture corpuscles our passage through the blameless victim ventricle proved to be rather uneventful.”
Brain Quest: A Fantastic Voyage through the Progressive Mind
Available on December 26, 2017! Reserve your copy today for $0.99 and get a huge discount off the regular price. Pre-order now at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, Smashwords and other select retailers.
Mission Nemo simply must succeed. If the crew of the Super Small Miniaturized Nano-like Operations Wessel S. S. Minnow fails to destroy the inoperable anti-capitalist coagulum lodged in Maurice Moore’s progressive brain, how will General De Klein’s Federal Department of Antidotes operatives at SUCFACE Mission Control find out if Leftylometazoline (aka LeftX) really works? Would this usher in the final stage of the liberal clerisy’s clandestine collectivist conspiracy to abolish our few remaining individual freedoms forever? That would not please President Thump one microscopic little bit.
Join Major Miles Stone and his disturbingly alluring crew on their miniaturized mission through the left and lefter hemispheres of the progressive brain. Their fantastic voyage is a race against time that takes them through such redoubtable regions as the Clinton Vortex, the Che Guevara Gray Area and the Obama Trauma Center itself. Here they bravely confront such anatomical monstrosities as the fantasist frontalis, the hyperbolthalamus and the dreaded pious aspiration node. Their progressive brain journey only gets progressively worse as they are repeatedly attacked by repulsive swarms of nanny neurons, doomsday dendrons, robin hoodlums and the formidable radical egalitarian bacterium. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, and their deadly arsenal of passing phasers, millennial mindset missiles, moral busybody antibodies and Condescendium®, the Minnow would be lost. The Minnow would be lost.
The tension never stops building during this thrilling tale of adventure, danger, suspense and romance. And lust. Will Captain Hanna Grenada’s irresistible animal magnetism finally seduce the Major into experiencing something vaguely resembling basic human emotion? Can the all too communicative HAL 9999 super computer and his annoying eye drones really be trusted to operate the ship? And will the Minnow’s political corrector deflectors and smug shields hold, allowing Stone and his crew to reach their target and ignite the liberal bombast bomb in time? I could tell you but that would ruin the suspense.
Not your everyday dystopian science-fiction erotic horror political thriller, this bombastic bombshell of a book knows no shame when it comes to overwhelming you with its serious silliness, wanton wackiness and forthright, flat-out farce. Purchase it now before it is too late or something. Soon to be made into a major motion picture. Or maybe it has been already. There is also time travel involved here, after all.
Berlin Face Recognition Technology Severely Flawed
Immediately after launching their six-month test of automatic facial recognition technology at Berlin’s Südkreuz railway station, a number of the German authorities responsible have already expressed their bitter disappointment with the initial results.
It seems that the face recognition software being used – programmed here in Berlin – is only capable of recognizing frowning faces and security officials involved with the project fear that the new system will not be able to recognize any cheerful, smiling terrorists who attempt to murder and maim us in the future.
“This is German software, after all,” grumbled one frowning security official, refusing to give his name for security reasons. “Now wipe that stupid grin off your face and leave me the hell alone.”
Heute ist es soweit: Die umstrittene Testphase zur Gesichtserkennung am Bahnhof Südkreuz beginnt. 300 Freiwillige haben sich gemeldet.
Suspicious Object Found At SPD Headquarters
And it wasn’t the Schulz effect, either.
German police gave an all-clear on Monday at the headquarters of the Social Democratic Party (SPD) in Berlin after it was evacuated due to a suspicious object found in the mail room.
The object, being the face and attached body of SPD federal chairman and state chairman of Schleswig-Holstein Ralf Stegner (aka “the face of defeat”), was found loitering around the mail room, mumbling incoherently (even though there were no microphones in sight), apparently having been looking for fan mail. For hours and hours and hours on end, I assume.
“There was nothing found on Stegner that could have been termed dangerous,” a police spokesman later said as his colleagues led Stegner back outside to put him on a FlixBus to Kiel. “Other than that face, I mean.”
Observing Hermann 