And our favorite angst this year is…

September 4, 2009 By in Hysteria Tags: 1 Comment

Hard to say for sure, there are so damned many of them here in Germany. This year’s “Die Ängste der Deutschen 2009” (German Fears 2009) study seems to indicate that the fear of the year is, understandably, the economic situation.

Real Germans experiencing real angst.

But then some of the other top fears get broken down by region: The Bavarians are worried most about natural catastrophes, the Hessians lose sleep over terrorist attacks and the Berliners are apparently frightened silly about becoming invalids, dependent on care (a Pflegefall), which, if you stop to think about it, they needn’t be. They already are.

“Aber das durchschnittleiches Angstniveau ist nicht gestiegen.”

What’s in a name?

September 3, 2009 By in Hate Tags: 4 Comments

There’s a good reason why Germany has some of the strictest rules in the world when it comes to naming children. I just haven’t been able to find it yet.

Jihad Jr.'s father knows best.

But just stop and think about it. We (as in they) certainly don’t want any fruitcakes out there (as in right here) naming their kids awful things like Woodstock, Tom-Tom or Peppermint, now do we? An awful thing like Jihad (Holy War) is different though, it seems. I just haven’t been able to find out why that is yet.

“The child’s father is a radical Islamist.”

Environmental anarchists sind das Volke

September 2, 2009 By in Hysteria Tags: 2 Comments

“How could these anarchists have tricked security personnel and climbed the Reichstag dome in full mountaineering gear?”

First annual Reichstag climbing.

See the shocking video or something, but only first after the obligatory short commercial break.

Repeat after me time and time and time again, preferably in your sleep: “The people want a future without atomic power.” And we, as in they, as you know, are the people, after all. And they always know what’s best for us.

“Die Menschen wollen eine Zukunft ohne Atomkraft.”

Twitter endangering democracy here or something

September 1, 2009 By in Hysteria Tags: 1 Comment

The polls are leaking! The polls are leaking! It’s that newfangled American Twitter nonsense, I tell ya.

Make the Twits go away!

„The apparent illegal leaking of exit polls for German regional elections (in Twitter) has raised concerns weeks before the country’s general election. Forecasts for Sunday’s results in Saarland, Thuringia and Saxony appeared on Twitter 90 minutes before polling stations closed in the three states.“

Wow. That actual exit polls were never released or that the numbers released were nothing more than educated guesses, that doesn’t interest anyone, of course. Concerns have been raised, and that’s the main thing. And oh, wait a minute! I have another newfangled idea for you here: Why not forget about polls altogether and just vote your conscience no matter what? Nah. I’d better see what Twitter tells me first.

Oh brother. It’s good-old German Techno-Angst all over again (they only like Techno music). They’re always frightened of technology that isn’t their own, especially if it comes from you-know-where.

“Es wäre der GAU, wenn die Wählerbefragungen vor Schließung der Wahllokale öffentlich bekanntwürden.”

Steinmeier to win with the worst election results since 1955

August 31, 2009 By in Helplessness Tags: Leave a comment

Getting creamed just as bad as/even worse than their rival grand coalition counterparts CDU in three German regional elections held yesterday, Germany’s Social Democrats (SPD) now expect to clean up big time at the big time national election to be held here on September 27.

A comedian to the end.

His party losing votes even more convincingly than usual, this time in Saarland, Saxony and Thuringia, SPD chancellor candidate Frank-Walter Steinmeier is said to be absolutely thrilled to death already and just made a phone call to ex-boss ex-Chancellor Gerhard Schröder’s not-yet-ex-wife Doris Schröder-Köpf to ask her about how best to re-drape the Chancellery.

“A comedian for chancellor? Why not, Germans think.”

Five Card Opel Hold’em

August 28, 2009 By in Heconomy Tags: 2 Comments

“The German government has detailed financial support only for Magna, the more complex, controversial and higher-risk offer.”

I see that and raise you my middle finger.

“That has left GM suspecting that Germany is pandering to labor unions and seeking to curry favor with Moscow in preferring Magna.”

“The problem for Berlin could be that it has painted itself into a corner: damned if it pushes the high-risk Magna deal through, and damned if it doesn’t.”

Hmmm. Looks like the next big (German) government rescue plan might already be on its way.

“No wonder GM has revived ‘Plan B’ and may attempt to raise the $4.3 billion Opel needs to survive from other sources.”

German election campaigns are so dull…

August 27, 2009 By in Hysteria Tags: Leave a comment

How dull are they, you ask? Sure, we’re in the middle of a giant Sommerloch (the “summer hole”, that boring, no-news summer season when most media drones appear to be on vacation), or just crawling back out of it again. But opposition politicians trying to turn a dinner party hosted by Angela Merkel (16 months back) “that included the chief executive of Deutsche Bank, Josef Ackermann, and 30 other guests, contending that she used taxpayers’ money to celebrate Mr. Ackermann’s 60th birthday” into a campaign issue?

Birthdays for everybody!

Now that’s dull. And the election is just a few weeks out too, in case you were wondering, which you weren’t, especially now after having read this.

No matter. I’m sure that once everyone has climbed back out of this year’s summer hole the campaigning will get a whole lot more interesting. No I’m not. That was just like a figure of speech or something.

“The dinner was not a birthday party, but a dinner of schnitzel and cold asparagus for people prominent in business, culture, science and education, including Mr. Ackermann.”

Keep the cash a comin’

August 26, 2009 By in Heconomy Tags: Leave a comment

“Germany’s statistics office said Tuesday that government spending and a slide in tax revenue had led to a 17.3-billion-euro ($24.7 billion) budget deficit in the first half of 2009, compared with a 7-billion-euro surplus ($10 billion) last year.”

Debt is what you get.

“Ultimately Germany needs demand from its key trading partners–the United States and the rest of western Europe–to pick up. If not, all the government spending will mean its budget deficit will continue growing.”

“The German economy is still on a drip, getting infusions from policymakers. Some doubts remain whether the economy can stand on its own feet.”