This is not a crocodile

August 18, 2009 By in Habitudes Tags: 2 Comments

I don’t know what it is, but Germans are doggedly determined to find crocodiles in their lakes, rivers and streams. Crocodiles that aren’t there, I mean. This time, two girls in Bavaria saw one (not) and got the country’s crocodile hunters (professional and otherwise) all tied up in a knot for a few minutes of non-fame.

The last crocodile that wasn’t one turned out to be a turtle. The one before that was probably a bottle of corn schnapps.  And the one before that…

Ceci n'est pas une crocodille.

Okay, so you’ve had your little Sommerloch (silly summer season) scare again (not). It’s time to go back to school and/or work again or something already.

„Die Beamten gehen nun aber davon aus, dass es ein Biber oder auch ein größerer Fisch war, der die Mädchen erschreckte.“

Yeah, but where’s the Currywurst?

August 16, 2009 By in Home Cooking Tags: 1 Comment

To eat, I mean. What is this, people? Berlin opens up the world’s first (and last) Currywurst Museum and the Betreiber (operator) folks don’t even have the decency to offer their guests one (or two) to eat.

Typical Currywurst

They won’t be opening the eating lounge part for another few weeks, you see. But at least for that you can sit on the sausage sofa right now.

“Das ist wieder typisch Berlin!”

It’s all in how you say it

August 14, 2009 By in History Tags: 1 Comment

And only if you say it in English, of course. A German court has ruled that bad Nazi words, although still bad, are not nearly as bad if they are translated to English first and then said “there”, so-to-speak, making them legal, sort of, but just barely. There is a certain logic here, of course. Please tell me once you find it.

Mein Cramp

Meanwhile… Elsewhere in the English-speaking world… A signed copy of Mein Kampf (signed by you-know-who) was sold in England for a record $35000.

The guy who bought it was a Russian, however, which makes this okay, I think. If a Russian who can’t read German buys a bad German book signed by you-know-who in England then you could take the whole thing to court (here in Germany) and nobody would really much care, I think.

“In memory of our time together in prison in Landsberg.”

The Berlin Wall of Wilshire Boulevard

August 12, 2009 By in History Tags: Leave a comment

Hey, somebody’s got to do it, I guess. And imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I’ve been told.

Wilshire Boulevard

“In what government and arts officials are calling the most ambitious commemoration of the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall outside of Germany, a symbolic re-creation of the wall that once separated East and West Berlin will be erected across Wilshire Boulevard in November.

The Wall Project, painted by professional and amateur artists, will close Sunday afternoon traffic on one of the city’s busiest thoroughfares for three hours on Nov. 8 beginning at 3 p.m… It will be made up of two parts: The “Wall Across Wilshire” will have as its adjunct the “Wall Along Wilshire — Eastside Gallery West,” which will have a somewhat longer life in front of the 5900 Wilshire Blvd. building, remaining in place from Oct. 17 to Nov. 14.”

The location is “highly symbolic,” said Justinian Jampol, president and founder of the Wende Museum. “It connects downtown to the ocean, those two cultural anchors to the city.

And speak no evil

August 11, 2009 By in Habitudes Tags: 1 Comment

Do you believe there could be an election campaign held in your country in which the word Afghanistan is not even mentioned (much less the word war), although four thousand of your troops are stationed there (four thousand is considered to be a lot over here)? The Germans can pull that one off in their sleep.

After all, there are more pressing issues (see below).

More is more.

Being big fans of semantic exercises, especially when it comes confronting evidence that upsets their sometimes rather dreamlike view of the world (in this case the evidence being that building schools won’t stop the Taliban, bullets will), German politicians on both sides of the grand coalition line are dutifully hiding their heads in the sand when it comes to this non-subject, at least until the coming general election is over, at which point the winners will continue to hide their heads in the sand some more.

 “Germans have this pacifist world view whereby most problems can be solved through dialogue, aid, compromise and not by force.”

You never know, you know?

August 10, 2009 By in Habeas Corpus Tags: Leave a comment

Elections can be tricky things. Especially when it comes to fairness and straight-up-ness and all that, I mean. And we all know Germans can be pretty tricky too, of course. Or at least I know it, I mean. So after Germany’s parliamentary election committee refused to let a few itsy bitsy and thoroughly harmless parties take part in next month’s election due to what was termed “application irregularities”, I, or somebody like me, got right on the phone to the OSCE (Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe) and reported it. These irregularities about the irregularities, I mean.

These are a-Pauli-ing conditions.

So now the OSCE will be sending election observers to Germany to monitor the country’s general election on September 27. You know, like folks do whenever there’s an election held in some despotic Third World country? Hey, what goes around comes around, I always say.

This will be the organization’s first ever election-monitoring mission to Germany, by the way. And I wholeheartedly welcome it because I, for one, think it’s high time that the rest of the world finally sit up and take notice of the appalling conditions here. During election time, I mean. The rest of the world could finally sit up and take notice of the appalling conditions here during the rest of the time here too, of course, but that might be just a bit too much taking notice to ask.

“Because the non-admission of several parties has now become an issue, our election observers will take a close look.”