Geschichtsklitterung

Or “piecing together history” as it suits you, if you prefer. Sure you can find something good to say about good old, bad old East Germany (that yucky communist one, remember?) if you want to. The thing that interests me is why on earth anyone would ever want to. Some young and dynamic SPD (East) politician did it again the other day, though (that’s SPD, not SED). He warned everyone not to always be putting everything that had to do with the GDR in a bad light because, well, gee… That wouldn’t be nice or something, I guess.

But as an older colleague of his noted in response, once you start arguing like that you could quickly find yourself defending the so-called good side of the Nazis – building the autobahn, putting people to work, stuff like that. And that, of course, wouldn’t be nice, either.

So why not just let dead dogs lie? After all, they have all their lying long behind them.

„Wer wie Sellering argumentiert, kommt schnell zu den vermeintlich guten Seiten der Nazis, dem Autobahnbau oder der Arbeitsbeschaffung.“

The W Word

“The host was absent when German Defence Minister Franz Josef Jung held a press conference at the Kabul headquarters of the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) in Afghanistan recently.

ISAF’s commander, General David McKiernan, apparently had something better to do – unusual considering Jung is defence minister of the third-biggest supplier of troops and the fourth biggest donor nation in Afghanistan.

The snub dates back to the last joint press conference held by the two men in the late summer of 2008 when the US general used the ugly word ‘war’ in Afghanistan, much to the annoyance of Jung.

Germany had been studiously avoiding the term when speaking of the unpopular deployment of its troops in the landlocked Asian nation. Since then the two men have avoided each other in public.

McKiernan’s absence could be considered trivial were it not symptomatic of a more general problem: Germany’s influence in Afghanistan and among its allies there has deteriorated markedly.”

What’s in a word?

How bad is the sex recession in Germany these days?

March 22, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Prostitution 3 Comments

Why it’s so bad…

That when sex workers start suggesting stimulus packages they’re actually referring to money. Bad? It’s so bad in German brothels these days that fewer and fewer people are coming. We’re talking bad. It’s so bad that experts fear the industry is flat on its back. You want bad? It’s so bad these days that it might take months or even years before business picks up and turns the street corner again.

“Economic aid would be judicious.”

Annemarie E.

March 21, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Hotness Tags: Annemarie Eilfeld 9 Comments

Beautiful German of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

PS: Sprechen Sie Dumb Deutsch??

Mickey Mouse hassled by German cops

March 20, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Hysteria Tags: Comics 1 Comment

Well, sort of. Humorless German police are all hot and bothered these days just because the latest German-issue Mickey Mouse comic book came equipped with a Chinese kiddie radio the kids can use to listen to real live grownup German police calls with.

Unfortunately for the cops trying to straighten this touchy matter up, every time a patrol car gets called in to arrest one of these no good American comic book reading punks, they always somehow manage to disappear before the grumps can arrive.

“Wir prüfen, ob ein Verstoß gegen das Fernmeldegesetz vorliegt.”

Took a little longer than usual this time

March 20, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes Tags: Video games 2 Comments

“Violent video games have come under attack here in the wake of last week’s shooting, in which a former student gunned down 15 people at a high school in southern Germany. Media reports and local politicians have pointed to the fact that the shooter played popular video game “Counter Strike” as a factor in the massacre.”

Germans begin offshore offensive

March 19, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Banking secrecy Leave a comment

Pulling out their favorite charm cannon Finance Minister Peer Steinbrück himself, the Germans have begun battering neighboring offshore financial center states like Switzerland after launching a surprise ravaging verbal abuse offensive.

Hoping to recover unpaid taxes in vicious hand-to-hand or at least toungue-to-tongue combat (yuk), Steinbrück has lambasted the small, defenseless, filthy rich neutral country for being a safe haven for thousands of rebel German fiscal terrorists who have stashed away their savings there for some mysterious reason that nobody here in Berlin can even begin to explain, much less figure out.

Steinbrück has even openly “doubted” Swiss promises to make their banking system more transparent, initiating a further diplomatic scandal between the two nations. Other than the surprise ravaging verbal abuse offensive part, I mean. The Swiss Foreign Ministry has actually summoned the German ambassador to protest the “unacceptable” remarks by Steinbrück. But this was long after the offensive started so like who cares?

That offshore financial centers like Switzerland have nothing to do with the problems created by cash-strapped governments like Germany impresses Herr Steinbrück little as they are nevertheless easy targets to bash at the moment and this gracefully distracts from the current political paralysis in Berlin concerning all things having to do with the financial crisis, or at least with all things having to do with the financial crisis and international solidarity.

„Er erklärt, wieso die Eidgenossen Bundesfinanzminister Peer Steinbrück (SPD) für einen hässlichen Deutschen halten.“

Drunken Obama official lets German into secret lab

March 18, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Humor Tags: Research Leave a comment

Loosened up after several bottles of Rotkäppchen Sekt that German “Research” Minister Annette Schavan brought along with her especially for the occasion, Washington insiders report that a tipsy US Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano then allowed Schavan access to what used to be one highly restricted American anti-terrorism technolgies lab.

Still smashed after breakfast later that morning, Napolitano then signed a so-called treaty on scientific and technological cooperation that Schavan shoved under her bright red nose at an opportune moment, right before she passed out on her desk, in other words. The German Research Minister then mysteriously disappeared into thin air and could not be located anywhere in the once secure building by formerly secure security personnel, no matter how hard they researched.

“This is an important contribution to the strengthening of trans-Atlantic cooperation.”

Obama und co. werden es richten!

March 17, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Opel Leave a comment

Oder (won’t they? fix this mess?)? After doing something the Germans call Shakehands with top GM executives in US-Amerika, and then getting a green light from them (GM is interested in keeping a minority stake in Opel), German Economy Minister (Mininster for the Economy?) Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg now sees hope for the ailing German-American, American-German car maker after all.

Although the German government was completely unconvinced by the rescue plan Opel submitted to them earlier this month, rightly arguing that it left too many questions unanswered, Guttenberg figures he can now convince our smart guys in Washington with the same plan, easy. And he’s probably right, too. These guys will buy anything.

The Germans are reluctant to throw tons of money at Opel unless it stands a good chance of surviving the current crisis, you see, AND unless they can avoid seeing any German state aid being funneled across the Atlantic to prop up that evil Mother of All Car Companies, GM. They aren’t doof (stupid). They want it the other way around. GM gets the money from the US government and then indirectly subsidizes Opel by taking a minority stake as private investor.

Like I said, Herr zu Guttenberg is optimistic and I don’t blame him one bit for being so. This plan sounds bullet-proof to me. This is true German economics in action. He’s the Economy Minister, remember? Minister for the Economy, I mean.

„Aufschluss über die Haltung der US-Regierung erwartete sich der Bundeswirtschaftsminister aus den geplanten Gesprächen mit dem US-amerikanischen Finanzminister Timothy Geithner. Doch der hat in der Krise mit den Schwierigkeiten der US-Finanzfirmen wie dem Versicherer AIG noch ganz andere Probleme als Opel und General Motors auf dem Tisch.“

Arabian Airbus teething trouble

March 16, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Hi-tech Tags: Airplanes Leave a comment

Or Kinderkrankheiten (children’s diseases, bugs), as the Germans like to say. You know how it is. Some customers have to moan no matter what. Just because a turbine or two stops working, an occasional cable melts down and paneling falls off here and there, those bitchy Bedouins down there in the Emirates are getting all hot and huffy about their brand new fleet of four Airbus A380 mega monster machines.

Some of these Emirate guys are so mad about what they see as a lack of European quality control that they are even rumored to be considering demanding their money back. The only problem with that is that nobody knows what they paid for these puppies in the first place being that money just bubbles up out of the sand down there anyway, so-to-speak, so like, who cares?

„Vier Großraumflugzeuge hat Emirates seit vergangenem Jahr im Einsatz, die seitdem immer wieder einmal Probleme machen.“

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”