Buy German – or Czech if you prefer

June 16, 2009 By in Heconomy Tags: 5 Comments

So much for my theory about this being a German car subsidy conspiracy plan. What a lemon, this German Abwrackprämie or cash-for-clunkers idea has turned out to be. If you work in the German car industry, that is.

Buy-a-wreck?

The government stepped in as usual and helped everybody again and no force in the universe could stop them, as usual again. But this time it was the German government helping out the Czechs, unintentionally of course. I know this sounds complicated at first but that’s only because it actually isn’t.

Since Berlin has been shelling out 2,500 euros to anybody who trades in his or her old wreck for a new one, I mean a new car, Skoda’s production plants have been at full production, if you get my drift. Hyundai, Renault and other foreign plants have been profiting from the handout, too.

Hey, the government meant well. They always do. Now if one could only find out how to stop them from helping maybe things might finally start moving forward here.

“Since the end of March, we are in full production — five days a week, on three shifts.”

I could’ve been, I mean I am a contender!

June 15, 2009 By in Hysteria Tags: Leave a comment

Still pretending like he and his SPD comrades have a sliver of a glimmer of a smidgen of a shred or sniff of a prayer of a ghost of a chance of doing well in Germany’s upcoming parliamentary election, Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier is boldly going where no man in his position has never not gone before and taken the offensive by claiming that everything is wide open and that “we will keep it open and win in the end.”

Honest I am!

Just how he plans to do this when only about 25 percent of Germans polled would even consider voting for the Social Democrats is not clear, but you have to admire him for doing the only thing left open for him to do. Actually you don’t have to, if you stop and think about it, but still.

„The party drew a record-low 20.8 percent of the vote in European parliamentary elections a week ago.“

Palau can show you how

June 12, 2009 By in Habitudes, Hurt Feelings Tags: 1 Comment

As to be expected, Germany is now squirming with indecision (that means “no” in Germany, by the way) after the US has asked for the second time that it take in prisoners from Guantanamo.

This gives island hopping a whole new meaning.

 

The Germans say they need more details before they can make a decision (that means “hell no” in German, by the way). The Uighur Muslims in question here are wanted by China, you see, and the Germans wouldn’t ever want to offend China or anything because, well, that might hurt China’s feelings (that means “we’re only in it for the money” in German, by the way).

Meanwhile, Palau, a tiny little island country I had never heard of before, has expressed its willingness to help. The South Pacific atoll’s considerable resources will certainly come in handy here, as will its clear disregard for whatever China’s communist crowned heads might have to think about it.

“Obama, who said he aims to close Guantanamo by January next year, is struggling to find countries, particularly in Europe, willing to take released prisoners.”

New inflation worries in Germany

June 11, 2009 By in Heconomy Tags: Leave a comment

Like where to find it. There are worse things to worry about, I guess.

Inflation nation?

If you have to look at the bright side in Germany these days, and some folks just can’t help it, then maybe having a look at the German inflation rate might help you out. It’s the lowest it’s been in twenty years, at zero. Zero is pretty low, if you stop and think about it, so that’s a good thing, I think.

That’s right. Prices haven’t risen here in a year, on average, so-to-speak. Of course wages haven’t necessarily risen all that much either (for those still working), but still.

„Die Null-Inflation sorgt dafür, dass die Menschen trotz wachsender Ängste um ihren Arbeitsplatz oder die Sorge um die Staatsfinanzen ihre Kauflust bisher nicht verloren haben. Und der stabile Inlandskonsum ist derzeit die einzig verbliebene Konjunkturstütze.“

I can’t take it anymore, I confess!

June 10, 2009 By in Habeas Corpus Tags: Leave a comment

He can’t take the German justice system anymore, he means. Talk about your cruel and unusual punishment. Apparently bored to tears by a high-profile and highly-pedantic terror trial concerning himself and two other high-profile though less pedantic terrorist suspects, Turkish national Adem Yilmaz of the Sauerland Cell or of the Sauerland Three or of the Dave Clark Five or of the whatever the hell it is you want to call them this week has thrown in the towel or the head wrap or whatever the hell it is you call those things he’s wearing and will confess to anything the Germans want him to just please make them stop trying him now for the love of Allah make them stop now, please.

Get me outta here, man!

His lawyer says he is not capable of bearing the process anymore. And she should know because she’s a German process lawyer type and sees this kind of thing all the time. Nor does her client want the troublesome trial to interfere with the upcoming Ramadan celebrations scheduled for, uh, Ramadan, in August.

“I couldn’t care less what you give me, whether it’s 20 or 30 years,” the anguished German-Turk Turk-German told the judge. “I just want all this to be done with, it is boring.”

„Mein Mandant hat keine Lust mehr auf das Verfahren.“

The wolves are back! Let’s shoot them!

June 9, 2009 By in Hysteria Tags: Leave a comment

Remember Bruno the Bear? Hunters in northern Germany are still pissed off about not having had a chance to take a shot at him, down south. So I guess that’s why they’ve begun knocking off the wolves up north.

Who you dancing with now?

Famous for their greenish, back-to-nature attitudes, Germans nevertheless detest disorder of any kind and German hunters appear to be the worst about this kind of thing. These wolves aren’t supposed to be here, you see. They came in illegally over the Polish border a while back and have been, well, breeding like rats ever since. It’s time to take action or something.

You know, like that scene in the Kevin Costner movie? It’s the Wild West all over again over here, only it’s in the Wild East this time.

“Es gibt Grund zu der Vermutung, dass der Jäger wusste, worauf er schoss.”

All dressed up with nowhere to go

June 8, 2009 By in History Tags: Leave a comment

After the latest decimation of German Social Democracy as we (which means you) know (or knew) it, SPD chancellor candidate Frank-Walter Steinmeier made a pretty sorry showing on the German TV politico-talk show Anne Will last night. He looked so, well, so lonely.

Frank's my name, becoming chancellor is my game.

Yesterday’s EU election slug fest (in more ways than one) left the German SPD at a heart-warming all-time low of 20.8 percent of the vote. And so what if only 43% of the Europe-weary electorate even bothered to turn up? It’s the thought that counts.

Mr. Steinmeier must certainly being doing a lot of thinking about things these days at any rate. Things like: What was I thinking of or how did I get here or how the hell do I get out of here again? You know, thoughts like that.

„Ich bin Kanzlerkandidat der SPD, der Kanzler werden will.“

Yawn, another EU election

June 7, 2009 By in Habitudes Tags: 1 Comment

It’s Denkzettel (I’ll teach you) time in Germany again. 736 seats in the European parliament are up for grabs today and nobody really much cares here, or much understands it.

I got your vote for ya right here!

Well, that’s not quite true. Possibly 50 percent of eligible voters are expected to vote throughout Europe today. But those who do vote won’t be voting for parliamentarians so much as voting against the various political parties they’re pissed off at within their own respective countries. Now that’s democracy or something.

„In vielen Ländern dürften unzufriedene Wähler den Urnengang nutzen, um ihrer jeweiligen Regierung einen Denkzettel zu verpassen.“