Steinbrück’s Swan Song

Clearly pissed off about being out of work after Sunday’s election, German finance minister Peer Steinbrück (SPD) has decided to put in one last really annoying punch and declare war on Britain.

Economic war, but still.

“Every assertion that he made about Britain in his interview with Stern is either factually wrong, or such a serious distortion of events that it amounts to a smear. Furthermore, it was quite threatening.”

“What he said, in effect, is that Germany will marshal its forces to ensure that a chunk of the British economy is shut down – whatever the social consequences. This is the closest thing I have seen to a declaration of economic warfare in Western Europe in my lifetime.”

I say just ignore him and he’ll go away, Britain. Turn the other stiff upper cheek and all that. Even if you don’t ignore him he’ll be going away, so you might as well just ignore him. We’re all going to miss him, though, or at least I am. Thanks for the memories, Peer.

“We must resist Schadenfreude when that moment comes.”

Hear no evil

Then there’s no need to see it either. Germany is threatening to walk out during Mahmoud “The Rude” Ahmadinejad’s planned speech at the UN later today should he deny the Holocaust for the nine hundred and thirty-fourth time this year.

“We will leave the hall if President Ahmadinejad denies the Holocaust or makes anti-Semitic statements … we are making efforts towards a unified European position,” a spokesman at the German foreign ministry said.

Another spokesman who asked not to be identified said that if that doesn’t work, the next time Ahmadinejad gets squirrely at the UN European delegations will unify in holding their breathes until their faces turn uniformly blue.

“As recently as last week, Ahmadinejad has called the Holocaust a lie, repeating the inflammatory statement as world powers weigh how to deal with Iran’s nuclear ambitions.”

“My substances aren’t dangerous”

September 22, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Health Tags: Psychotherapy 2 Comments

But the ones I just gave you must have been.

“A group session at a doctor’s house in northern Berlin left two men dead and another in a coma after their therapist gave them a dangerous cocktail of drugs.”

“The doctor, Garik “Garri” R., is reported to have been born in Uzbekistan. He is a registered doctor with insurance companies and is accredited to work as a psychotherapist… The suspect’s wife, Elke P., runs an alternative medicine practice in the same house, and she was also at the group session on Saturday.”

I think the wife did it.

“He called himself a psychotherapist but what he did was in no way psychotherapy.” Yeah, it was just the psycho part.

Allah together now!

September 21, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Hysteria Tags: Terrorism 3 Comments

Sing along with us! We’re threatening you again, Germany, and this time (the fourth time) it’s for real, this threat is, that is, honest. And we really mean it too no fooling for real.

That’s right. Germany is on edge again today (as it is every day), only this time it’s after receiving a fourth consecutive al-Qaeda video warning threatening an imminent bomb attack in Germany unless the government withdraws its troops from Afghanistan, which it is already planning to do of course, as quickly and thoroughly as it possibly can, although not quite all too publicly just yet, and everybody here knows this you see. So go figure. Dumb terrorists.

They (the terrorists) still don’t know just how “crudely pacifist” Germans really and truly are. As writer Thea Dorn rightly (writely?) described in last week’s Zeit (Vulgärpazifismus – where’s the link, you pacifist Zeitpeople types, huh?), unlike in other countries and cultures, freedom is free in Germany. As soon as it starts to cost anything, or even appears to, they’re outta here, or there (Afghansitan) in this case.

The terrorists don’t have to do anything here, in other words, so they won’t. They’re not really dumb, in other words. And I hope they didn’t take an offense in me saying that they were up there in paragraph two. Peace, brothers.

“The threats were aimed at German voters ahead of next Sunday’s general election and were being taken seriously by the security authorities.”

Spidermenschen

September 20, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Higher Education Tags: Adrenaline 1 Comment

Another year, another Berlin Marathon

September 19, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes Tags: Berlin Marathon Leave a comment

Alena G.

September 19, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hotness Tags: Alena Gerber, Oktoberfest Leave a comment

Beautiful German of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

When a country turns bad

September 18, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes Tags: Protectionism Leave a comment

Or makes a bad turn, I should say.

“The ink had barely dried after GM signed Opel over to Canadian car parts maker Magna and Russia’s Sberbank when they announced they would fire one-fifth of the group’s 50,000 European employees within a year – 4,000 in Germany.”

“Even a strong recovery would leave automakers with huge overcapacity. Against this background – which the sale of Opel does nothing to change – not admitting the necessity of job cuts is either delusional or dishonest to voters.”

“So when Germany’s government put up €4.5bn in loans and guarantees to ensure that Magna prevailed in GM’s garage sale, it presumably expected to get something in return.”

And that was…

“Magna co-chief executive Siegfried Wolf’s assurance that restructuring will be guided purely by commercial considerations is laughable when the group is accepting financing that depends on political decisions. The German money is a move in a negative-sum game of trying to push job cuts across the border.”

“We are naturally determined to resolve the remaining problems in a spirit of European equality.”