But This Isn’t Supposed To Happen

Germans don’t like electric cars. So nobody else is supposed to like them, either.

Tesla

The customers are supposed to buy, you know, German diesel automobiles, for instance.

And now this. Tesla was dead. Everybody read about it. At least over here in Germany, they did. Again and again. And they liked what they read, too. But now, Tesla’s Model 3 appears to be a big hit in US-Amerika. And Tesla’s moving on to China. And this wasn’t supposed to happen. This is very upsetting for the German automobile industry. Very upsetting indeed. Now German automobile industrialists are on the defensive and will have to play catch-up and start pushing electric car production even harder even though they’re already printing mountains of money with their old technology now and why the hell would anybody want to buy a freakin’ stupid electric car like that anyway?

TESLA-BOSS SCHOCKIERT DIE KONKURRENZ MIT REKORD – Krisenkarre Model 3 plötzlich Bestseller.

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If You Want Fast Internet Speed Go To Poland

This is Germany. Things are more complicated here. Einfach kompliziert (simply complicated). If things weren’t simply complicated this would be another country.

Germany

That’s what makes things like the German government’s recent announcement to invest a few peanuts in artificial intelligence so humorous. They can’t even create the conditions for fast Internet speeds here and they think they will be able to compete with the likes of US-Amerika and China? And just in case you haven’t noticed, their data security defenses aren’t exactly world class, either. It’s complicated here, like I said. Simply complicated.

Germany is Europe’s largest economy, but business leaders warn it is in danger of losing its edge because of sluggish Internet connections. While other countries are thinking about whether to upgrade their cellphone systems to 5G, Germany is still grappling with 3G.

A report by Germany’s Federal Network Agency last year showed that 29 percent of German Internet users reported Internet speeds of less than half of what was promised by service providers.

“In Germany, you will find almost everywhere copper cable that’s not capable to go faster than 250 megabits per second. “The average reality is about 50 megabits per second. That’s quite poor.”

Artificially Intelligent, Maybe

But is it smart?

Technical progress by decree?

AI

Germany is often criticized for sluggish levels of digital investment, particularly in AI. The government wants to invest €3 billion before 2025 to try and close the knowledge gap with world leaders in the field.

Germans are smart, of course, but they can’t even spell AI properly. They call it KI. Ridiculous. And when you look at the amount being invested, well, maybe they’re not all that good at math anymore, either.

“This amount is much less than companies, such as Microsoft or Google, invest in AI in a single year. So people should not think that Germany will suddenly become a world leader in the field, able to compete with the US and China.”

AI Don’t Trust You

But what’s new? Germans don’t trust any new technical development that comes along. Grundsätzlich (out of principle). New is scary because it always comes from somewhere else.

AI

So here’s another piece of news that made the news even though it’s not news at all: A YouGov survey has revealed that Germans are distrustful of anything that has to do with artificial intelligence. Not only is AI new (and from somehwere else), it’s, well, artificial. It’s not natural, you know? Non-organic or something.

Die Mehrheit der Deutschen steht einer Umfrage des Instituts YouGov zufolge dem Einsatz Künstlicher Intelligenz (KI) misstrauisch gegenüber. Nur rund jeder Siebte – 15 Prozent – denkt demnach, dass der Nutzen der Technologie gegenüber den Risiken überwiegt, wie die repräsentative Umfrage ergab.

Europeans Submerge Emerging Technology

Yet again. Just in case. You never know. Better safe than sorry. This wasn’t developed here in Europe, after all…

Genfood

The European Court of Justice has ruled that altering living things using the relatively new technique of genome editing counts as genetic engineering.

And genetic engineering, as we all know, is a very, very, very bad thing. We don’t know WHY that is but we do know THAT it is because that is what we have been fed. No, not the genetically modified foods, the media-modified information. Or disinformation, if you prefer. Turn on your local state TV channel if you don’t believe me. They’ll show you. Sort of.

Scientists hope this emerging technology could be used, for example, to develop crop varieties that are resistant to pests, or that produce large yields under challenging climatic conditions. They are also hoping to use it to correct genetic diseases in humans.

“The classification of genome-edited organisms as falling under the GMO Directive could slam the door shut on this revolutionary technology. This is a backward step, not progress.”

The Case Of The Missing Navy

OK, practically non-existent navy.

The German military commissioner is always the last to know, I guess.

Ship

He, too, has now determined that the German navy does not have enough ships (and we don’t even want to start thinking about their submarines). Not that the warships they do have will ever actually be used as warships or anything, just sayin’.

New ships are apparently too technologically complex to operate, it seems. And the older ships can’t seem to get the parts they need due to excessive bureaucracy and end up stranded indefinitely in dry dock.

He did have some good news, however. The German navy is really good at mothballing their older ships. Six of the 15 older frigates were taken out of service in exemplary fashion. Without being replaced by new ones, of course. Aber immerhin (but still).

“Es sollte keine neue maritime Mission für Nato, EU oder Uno mehr dazukommen. Der Marine gehen die einsatzfähigen Schiffe aus.”

“Sanctions Against North Korea Apparently Ineffective”

Like, duh. How could they be effective if countries like Germany, and a number of other “cooperative States,” keep letting the North Koreans get around them?

Korea

North Korea procured equipment and technology for its ballistics missiles program using its embassy in Berlin, the head of Germany’s domestic intelligence agency has said.

“We determined that procurement activities were taking place there, from our perspective with an eye on the missile program, as well as the nuclear program to some extent,” BfV head Hans-Georg Maassen told public broadcaster NDR in an interview.

Falsche Ladepapiere, ungewöhnliche Schifffahrtsrouten, das Verladen von Öl auf hoher See: Nordkorea umgeht offenbar systematisch alle bestehenden internationalen Sanktionen. Ein brisanter UN-Bericht bringt nun eine Reihe kooperierender Staaten in Bedrängnis.

Germany

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Fregate

Because somebody has to admire them.

Only… The German navy doesn’t want this F125 super-frigate they just bought. They want their money back. Or at least have it fixed or something. She doesn’t work right. Like, not at all. Damn. This must be the same boatyard that makes Germany’s submarines.

Zu schwer und zu schief – Fregatte F125 Unsere neue Super-Fregatte – noch nicht im Dienst und schon veraltet.

PS: Order your copy of Brain Quest – A Fantastic Voyage through the Progressive Mind today! The paperback is out now. Get a free sample at Smashwords. Take only as directed.

Deutsche Post Introduces New Robotic Technology To Deliver Packages Late More Efficiently

Intent on keeping up with the times, the German Post is now in the process of introducing a so-called Postbot that will help human postmen deliver their packages later than ever before, or not at all.

Postbot

Based on their human counterparts, the Postbot will regularly call in sick, inexplicably lose letters and packages assigned to it once it leaves the post office and regularly pretend to have ringed at apartments located two floors or higher before leaving a notice in the mailbox claiming that nobody was home when they were there. The Postbot will do this noticably faster and more efficiently, however, failing to deliver up to seven times the number of undelivered packages normal German postmen fail to deliver.

Union officials have expressed concern that the Postbot could threaten Deutsche Post jobs and insists that the robot must be granted obligatory union memborship to help slow down this frantic pace of technological advance.

In zwei Zustellbezirken wird das vierrädrige, 1,50 Meter hohe Gefährt den Boten hinterher fahren. Es könne bis zu 150 Kilo Briefe und Pakete transportieren, stoppe vor Hindernissen und überwinde Bordsteine. Mittels Sensoren erkennt er die Beine der menschlichen Postboten und folgt ihnen in Schrittgeschwindigkeit.

 

Berlin Face Recognition Technology Severely Flawed

Immediately after launching their six-month test of automatic facial recognition technology at Berlin’s Südkreuz railway station, a number of the German authorities responsible have already expressed their bitter disappointment with the initial results.

Face

It seems that the face recognition software being used – programmed here in Berlin – is only capable of recognizing frowning faces and security officials involved with the project fear that the new system will not be able to recognize any cheerful, smiling terrorists who attempt to murder and maim us in the future.

“This is German software, after all,” grumbled one frowning security official, refusing to give his name for security reasons. “Now wipe that stupid grin off your face and leave me the hell alone.”

Heute ist es soweit: Die umstrittene Testphase zur Gesichtserkennung am Bahnhof Südkreuz beginnt. 300 Freiwillige haben sich gemeldet.