Monthly Archives: August 2009

And speak no evil

August 11, 2009 By in Habitudes Tags: 1 Comment

Do you believe there could be an election campaign held in your country in which the word Afghanistan is not even mentioned (much less the word war), although four thousand of your troops are stationed there (four thousand is considered to be a lot over here)? The Germans can pull that one off in their sleep.

After all, there are more pressing issues (see below).

More is more.

Being big fans of semantic exercises, especially when it comes confronting evidence that upsets their sometimes rather dreamlike view of the world (in this case the evidence being that building schools won’t stop the Taliban, bullets will), German politicians on both sides of the grand coalition line are dutifully hiding their heads in the sand when it comes to this non-subject, at least until the coming general election is over, at which point the winners will continue to hide their heads in the sand some more.

 “Germans have this pacifist world view whereby most problems can be solved through dialogue, aid, compromise and not by force.”

You never know, you know?

August 10, 2009 By in Habeas Corpus Tags: Leave a comment

Elections can be tricky things. Especially when it comes to fairness and straight-up-ness and all that, I mean. And we all know Germans can be pretty tricky too, of course. Or at least I know it, I mean. So after Germany’s parliamentary election committee refused to let a few itsy bitsy and thoroughly harmless parties take part in next month’s election due to what was termed “application irregularities”, I, or somebody like me, got right on the phone to the OSCE (Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe) and reported it. These irregularities about the irregularities, I mean.

These are a-Pauli-ing conditions.

So now the OSCE will be sending election observers to Germany to monitor the country’s general election on September 27. You know, like folks do whenever there’s an election held in some despotic Third World country? Hey, what goes around comes around, I always say.

This will be the organization’s first ever election-monitoring mission to Germany, by the way. And I wholeheartedly welcome it because I, for one, think it’s high time that the rest of the world finally sit up and take notice of the appalling conditions here. During election time, I mean. The rest of the world could finally sit up and take notice of the appalling conditions here during the rest of the time here too, of course, but that might be just a bit too much taking notice to ask.

“Because the non-admission of several parties has now become an issue, our election observers will take a close look.”

Crime finally does pay

August 7, 2009 By in History Tags: Leave a comment

Dangerous communist East German movies are still being released to this very day. Dangerous to Communism, I mean.

You can run, but you can't hide.

“While the GDR, we learn, has the lowest crime statistics in the world, Wolkenheim (literally Cloudland – suggesting a place that has no connection with reality), the town where Holms is stationed, boasts the lowest crime statistics in the GDR. Even the disappearance of a pet rabbit causes him excitement – he hopes it has been taken hostage – until he discovers it has merely escaped to a nearby lettuce patch. So, when Holms’ drinking acquaintance Pinkas hatches a plan to snatch a monument from the plinth in the main square and flog it to an antiques dealer, Holms seizes the opportunity to make his mark – and of course, discovers love in the process.”

This comic film (Hands Up Or I’ll Shoot), which gently mocks the premise that crime ceases to exist in a fully fledged communist state, was banned in 1966 by the regime’s thought police, who were unhappy with its ironic criticism of the system. It has now been dusted off and put on general release for the first time, to the delight of German cinemagoers – who have made much of the fact that this is the last remaining banned film from the old East Germany.

Where have all the clunkers gone?

August 6, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: Leave a comment

Why they’ve been shipped off to Africa, of course. The German cash for clunkers plan, the so-called Abwrackpämie, was also a roaring success over here, you see.

Geez, the junkyard smells today.

Not only could anybody with an old car help stimulate the German economy by trading it in for a big rebate to purchase a new, more environmentally-friendly model, he or she could then rest more soundly at night knowing that their old CO2-spewing wreck had been taken out of service for good and that they had done their part to help save the world’s climate as we know it.

But now it turns out that up to 50,000 old German cars which had been declared wrecked were in fact later sold to Eastern European countries or shipped off to Africa. I know this sounds bad at first, ex-clunker owner, but I would not worry my little worried head about it and continue to keep on sleeping soundly through the night if I were you (and we both know that you will). This unfortunate “massive scrapping bonus betrayal” is in fact, well, unfortunate, but it will eventually only encourage the Eastern Europeans and Africans to initiate cash for clunkers programs of their own.

And the best part of all of this? This program only cost the German government (that means the German taxpayers) eighty zillion quadrillion bazillion euros (nobody does billion anymore). Government programs rule.

“By taking clunkers of the road, the thinking went, Germany’s carbon footprint could also be reduced.”

No letter of congratulations for you, buddy!

August 5, 2009 By in Hate Tags: Leave a comment

Angie Merkel sure showed this guy. Now the Mullahs-R-Us (R as in Religious, or in Regime, if you prefer – or as in both, come to think of it) are going to have to rethink this whole re-election scam of theirs. Or maybe they won’t have to, come to think of it again, but still.

Sheesh. Not even Super Ali A., the über-supreme religious leader in Iran himself, sent Ahmadinejad a congratulation note. He wouldn’t even let the little Kanalratte (sewer rat) kiss him on the hand during the inauguration ceremony. As is custom, I mean. Sure it’s a yucky custom, I’m aware of that, and I’m glad he didn’t kiss the guy too, but as Chancellor Merkel might have said; “andere Länder, andere Sitten” (when in Tehran, do as the Tehranians do), which she didn’t and which, of course, they are. Doing, I mean.

“In view of his controversial re-election, the Chancellor won’t be congratulating Ahmadinejad.”

Pay up or shut up

August 4, 2009 By in Habitudes Tags: 2 Comments

Or can we pay up and keep on yakking? Everyone is relieved, as usual. Especially the pirates who just took in $2.7 million for the German freighter they seized in the Indian Ocean.

There's lots of money to be made in shipping.

Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier of Germany said it was “with great relief’’ that that he learned of the ship’s release. Chancellor Angela Merkel was also “happy and relieved,’’ it is reported. And one of the relieved pirates is also said to have said that “We are now dividing the money and we shall get off the ship soon,” with great relief already.

British Royal Navy Commander John Harbour said the EU did not get involved in ransom deals and he could not confirm reports that $2.7 million had been paid.

Goebbels’ films rock too?

August 3, 2009 By in History Tags: Leave a comment

So what do you do now, German Intelligenzia? Nothing Quentin Tarantino does or says can do or say no wrong, right? But to call himself a fan of Nazi propaganda films, uh, isn’t that a little over the top? Even for him, I mean?

Pass the popcorn already.

I understand the Leni Riefenstahl thing, although she’ll always stay caught between a rock and the hard place. But Joseph Goebbels? Whatever. Now at least I know why I’ve never liked his (Tarantino’s) films. Or the violence in them, I should say.

“Sie war die beste Regisseurin, die jemals lebte.“

PS: I just happened to be on the British Airways flight that he was on when he flew to Berlin last Sunday. Talk about a normal looking and talking and seeming-like dude. That should only make one all the more suspicious. Damn, what a name dropper I am, right?

Where have all the beer drinkers gone?

August 2, 2009 By in Habitudes Tags: Leave a comment

Wo sind sie geblieben? Old people. They just don’t drink beer like they used to, the Germans.

Don't let the sun go down on me.

Sales are down 4.5 percent, apparently because most classic beer drinkers are between the ages of 18 and 45. And being that the population in Germany is aging and all that, well, beer consumption here is going down the drain, so-to-speak. Wie war Deutschland or something.

“Was ist los mit der Bier-Nation Deutschland?”