It’s Election Season In Germany

As was noted yesterday. So now the political parties here are openly competing with one another to see who can bash Donald Trump the best. That article below was originally entitled: “SPD overtakes Chancellor Merkel with its Criticism of Donald Trump.”

SPD

It’s kind of like the arms race. Only instead of mutually assured destruction it’s mutually assured dumb down time, with active participation by ARD and co. I mean, instead of maybe addressing the actual issue of, for example, just why it is that European countries that pledged back in 2014 (or was it a few years before that?) to invest 2 percent of their GDP in NATO defense spending are still not doing so, just attack the guy who refuses to ignore it.

Anyway, the SPD, all set to lose the coming national election resoundingly, can easily afford to take Angela Merkel’s recent campaign sloganeering about Trump America’s unreliability a notch higher and come out actively calling for open opposition against him, whatever that may mean (with the SPD one never really knows what that or anything else they say might mean). Knock yourselves out, comrades.

Angela Merkels Äußerungen zur deutsch-amerikanischen Zusammenarbeit unter Donald Trump haben für Furore gesorgt. Die SPD setzt nun noch einen drauf. Kanzlerkandidat Martin Schulz fordert, sich der Politik des US-Präsidenten entgegenzustellen.

Suspicious Object Found At SPD Headquarters

And it wasn’t the Schulz effect, either.

Stegner

German police gave an all-clear on Monday at the headquarters of the Social Democratic Party (SPD) in Berlin after it was evacuated due to a suspicious object found in the mail room.

The object, being the face and attached body of SPD federal chairman and state chairman of Schleswig-Holstein Ralf Stegner (aka “the face of defeat”), was found loitering around the mail room, mumbling incoherently (even though there were no microphones in sight), apparently having been looking for fan mail. For hours and hours and hours on end, I assume.

“There was nothing found on Stegner that could have been termed dangerous,” a police spokesman later said as his colleagues led Stegner back outside to put him on a FlixBus to Kiel. “Other than that face, I mean.”

The SPD

You know, as in Shellacking, Pounding, Drubbing?

Schulz

Or, if you prefer, look at them more as being Shaken, Prostrate and Debilitated.

At any rate, all this talk about the “Schulz effect” turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of Silliness, Prattle and Drivel. Because, well, what the comrades really got was a Scourge, a Pile-up, a Debacle.

Germany’s opposition SPD is nursing a stunning defeat in the state election in its North Rhine Westphalia heartland. In power here for most of the postwar period, the SPD were decimated, losing nearly 10% of their vote as Angela Merkel’s CDU soared.

“Leberhaken” in NRWWie cool ist Schulz?

German Of The Day: Mediale Erfindung

That means medial invention. Take the Schulz effect, for instance. Please.

Schulz

Remember the good old days when medial inventions used to last for years? You know, things like Waldsterben (the dying of the woods) or Rinderwahn (mad cow disease)? Now you’re lucky if you can get three months out of one (the Schulz effect, for instance, was created and released from the laboratory just this past February and officially died yesterday).

I dunno, I think it’s this young whippersnapper snowflake generation these days with all their wall-to-wall social media and instant gratification issues. No respect, I tell you. Well, kids, each generation gets the medial invention it deserves so this one’s for you. And you have no one else to blame but yourselves. Three months. Pitiful.

In February, Social Democratic chancellor candidate Martin Schulz was riding a wave of popularity. Now, his party has lost two state elections in a row and another state vote is looming on Sunday. Can he get his campaign back on track?

Alles ist Albigs Schuld – finden Schulz und die Bundes-SPD.

What Goes Around Comes Around

What’s worse? Governments that openly deal in stolen information (Germany buying CDs from informants with lists of Germans having Swiss bank accounts) or Governments that spy on governments who do so?

Mole

Ha. Ha. Ha.

German investigators suspect that a mole spied for Swiss intelligence from inside a government office which was trying to catch German tax dodgers… Switzerland objects to the practice of buying data stolen from Swiss banks.

SPD empört über Steuer-Spitzeleien der Schweiz.

The Case Of The Missing SPD Candidate

New properties of the Schulz effect have been discovered by political scientists in Germany.

Martin

Similar to the Doppler effect, the Schulz effect is also characterized by a a distinct change of pitch (in this case hype) heard when the media vehicle (in this case Schulz himself) sounds its horn when approaching, passing and then receding from the observer (preferably forever). You can hardly hear a sound from him these days, in other words. And this is a good thing.

Der Hype um Martin Schulz lässt nach, die CDU liegt in Umfragen vor der SPD, die Mehrheit in NRW wackelt. Noch muss sich Schulz nicht sorgen, aber was ist da passiert?

German Of The Day: Verpufft

That means fizzled out.

Schulz

Scientists recently hired to find traces of the mythical “Schulz Effect” in Germany are said to be busy preparing their resumes for new employment opportunities as the search for the mysterious, ethereal force has proven to be much more difficult than originally expected.

Meanwhile, German newspapers (ARD-Deutschlandtrend) are reporting that Martin Schulz’ popularity has dropped significantly behind that of his opponent Angela Merkel and even behind that of German foreign minister Sigmar Gabriel, the previous SPD loser candidate he was brought here from Brussels to replace.

Verpufft or not, let us continue to wish these scientists all the best for the future because, after all, science marches on. Or in the words of Max Planck: “A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.

What’s-His-Name (SPD) Open To Coalition With Whoever

Only whatsherface (CDU/CSU), so-and-so (FDP), whatchamacallit (the Greens) and dinglehopper (the Left) don’t really want anything to do with him. Whatever.

Schulz

Schulz’s approval rating has been on the up in recent months, with opinion polls suggesting he is in with a fair chance against current Chancellor Angela Merkel.

However, the country’s recent regional election in the south-western state of Saarland, seen as something of a bellwether for the upcoming general election, saw high voter turnout and a comfortable win for Merkal’s Christian Democrats (CDU), suggesting some public aversion to a leftist leadership.

“Whoever is interested to join the government led by me is invited to join it after the election and to open a dialogue with me.”

Scientific Team That Discovered Gravitational Waves Hired By SPD To Discover “Schulz Effect”

The scientists and engineers who made the first-ever direct detection of gravitational waves are now being asked by Germany’s SPD to provide conclusive evidence that the so-called “Schulz Effect” exists, too.

Schulz

After miserably failing their first electoral test this past weekend under their new leader, Martin Schulz, some voices in the SPD ITSELF are now questioning whether or not the infamous effect ever even existed in the first place. Much less now.

“Like, where’s the Rindfleisch (beef)?” asked one disgruntled social democrat after his party rolled over and died last Sunday in Saarland. “I was led to believe that this effect was unstoppable and here we are crapping out again, as usual, at the very first opportunity we get. Enough of these affected claims about the effect, comrades. I want some hard scientific evidence. And I want it pronto.”

The rest of Germany could not be reached for comment as it never believed in the “Schulz Effect” in the first place. The scientific team, also unaffected by the effect, will begin it’s groundbreaking work effective immediately.

“SPD-Messias” Schulz in der Falle: Seine einzige Machtoption könnte bei Merkel liegen.

German Of The Day: Pest oder Cholera

That means the plague or cholera. You know, as in having to choose between the two?

Saarland

That’s what voters in Saarland get to do today: Ch00se between Merkel’s too big to fail plague or “Schulz effect” cholera. May the best pestilence win.

Germany’s election year gets under way in earnest on Sunday when voters in Saarland choose a new state assembly, the first test of the Social Democrats’ surge in polls since they chose Martin Schulz to run against Merkel in September. The chancellor’s Christian Democrat-led bloc and the SPD were even at 32 percent each in an Infratest Dimap national poll published Friday.