Martin Schulz Also To Demand End Of Cold War

Once he’s elected and has demanded that US-Amerika remove it’s nuclear armaments from German soil. All two or three of them (they’ve already kind of sort of been removed already, see?).

Schulz

It’s a brave move, as always, but the SPD’s Martin Schulz is known for taking those hard stands. It’s always about principle when it comes to the SPD.

Then, after ending the nuclear arms race and Cold War, he will demand that Germany’s invasion of Poland be nullified, Hitler’s rise to power cancelled and World War 1 be put off indefinetely. If that doesn’t get the vote this guy needs, nothing will.

“Trump wants nuclear armament. We are against this.”

Germans Worried About Low Angst Level

Concerned about the traditional German angst about sozialer Abstieg (personal social decline) is currently at an all-time low, a number of German angst experts are recommending that radical options be considered when next month’s election rolls around.

Hafen

“We could all vote for the SPD, for instance,” said one less than thoroughly angst-filled social worker, with a stress on social. “That would bring my angst about social decline shooting back to appropriate levels in no time. I’m not sure if I’m quite ready for the Left party yet, though. I do have heart problems, after all.”

Die Wirtschaft wächst – und die Deutschen fühlen sich so sicher wie seit fast drei Jahrzehnten nicht. Laut einer Erhebung der Universität Leipzig hat nur noch jeder Dritte Abstiegsängste.

PS: To help folks combat their angst about not having enough angst, somebody has introduced Donald Trump ecstasy pills over here. They are guaranteed to stick in any German throat that tries to swallow them, however.

Gazprom Gerd Gets A Raise

You’ve got to have principles. As many as possible. For all eventualities. Take former German chancellor Gazprom Gerhard Schroeder (SPD), for instance. Please.

Gerd

His nomination to the board of Rosneft, Russia’s largest oil company – majority-owned by the Russian government – is breathtaking in its brazenness. You can’t really call it a sell-out, however. This guy sold out long ago.

Rosneft is under Western sanctions over Moscow’s role in the Ukraine crisis. By pure coincidence, Schroeder, who calls Vladimir Putin his friend, has regularly criticized any moves to impose sanctions on Russia.

I know it’s hard to take an unpopular stand sometimes, especially when it is unethical, mercenary and just plain wrong, but he certainly is consistent here, at least.

“Schröder macht sich zum russischen Söldner.”

PS: Germany is predictably outraged about this (not) (or not particularly). But rest assured that if this had been a US-Amerkan oil company there would have been hell to pay.

German Of The Day: Heimaturlaub

That means home leave. And boy oh boy is Germany ever sticking to its guns on this one. When it comes to being super-mega-ultra strict about paying for asylum seekers’ vacation trips back home, that is.

Vacation

As German Integrationsbeauftragte (integration commissioner) Aydan Özoguz (SPD) explains, Germany doesn’t foot the bill for just any asylum seeker. They have to be Ausnahmefällen (exceptional cases) before the German tax payer will be asked to send them on an all expenses paid flight back home – and back again.

Someone’s mother dying would be such an exceptional case, for instance. Anybody’s mother (it doesn’t have to be your own). Or maybe your ex-neighbor’s dog is suffering for an ingrown toenail. Or maybe you forgot to bring your favorite bowling ball with you when you were on the run and now you have the urgent need to go pick it up. For integration purposes, of course. You know, exceptional cases like that.

I’m not making this up, people. Not all of it anyway.

“Es kann gewichtige Gründe geben, warum ein anerkannter Flüchtling für kurze Zeit in seine Heimat reisen will.”

The Next Giant Leap For Womankind

Peeing standing up. And people like you said it couldn’t be done.

Urinals

The future will be taking place right here in Berlin, too. If Berlin’s breathtakingly progressive left-wing coalition government can succeed in pushing their zukunfstweisend (forward-thinking, groundbreaking) “toilet concept” through, that is.

It’s a common problem when you’re out and about. Nature calls – but the queue for the ladies is bladder-testingly slow to advance. Meanwhile your male companion waltzes in and out with what often feels like unfair speed. Now, the Berlin city authorities plan to address the issue of gender equality in public toilets, as they seek to redevelop the city’s conveniences. All locations that currently have a male-only “pissoir” (public urinal facility) should only exist in combination with unisex toilets, a 99-page city strategy paper called “the toilet concept” concludes.

Today the urinals, tomorrow the, I dunno, jock straps. Womankind marches on.

Hat das rot-grüne Berlin keine anderen Probleme?

What The SPD Stands For

Stop Paying for Defense, for one thing.

SPD

It’s election time, you see. And Germans like to pretend they are pacifists (as the world’s third largest weapons exporter). So the SPD, once again, is going to take an unpopular stand (not) and rule out their country’s obligation to meet NATO’s two percent defense spending target – a target the Germans agreed to years ago and still refuse to meet. You’ve got to have backbone in politics.

The parliamentary leader of Germany’s Social Democratic Party (SPD) rejected NATO’s 2 percent of GDP defense spending target and called for strategic investment in the German armed forces in an interview published Thursday.

“We think this is the wrong way, and with the SPD in the government there will be no such thing.”

Schulz Effect Now Tropical Depression Schulz

Only we’re not in the tropics here.

Schulz

And down, down, down they go. Germany’s Social Democrats (SPD) keep losing ground in the polls just weeks ahead of the country’s parliamentary election. They have now reached what they call the vor-Schulz-Tief or pre-Schulz-low before the legendary, if not mythical medial Schulz effect kicked in when he announced his candidacy. Well, at least he’s not an alien. Having the media on your side doesn’t always help, folks. Not here in Germany, either, I mean.

The Greens have seen better days themselves. Some of the Green rats have even begun jumping ship.

„Die spannende Entscheidung ist der Platz drei. Daran zeigt sich, welche Botschaft von der Bundestagswahl ausgeht. Für die Grünen sind alle, die ihre Meinungen nicht teilen, dumm, von gestern oder böse. Diese Überheblichkeit ist nicht nur nervtötend, sondern auch eine Gefahr für den Wohlstand, wenn Technologien zum Feindbild gemacht werden.“

 

US-Amerika Breaking International Law Again

Or at least that is what German Minister for Economics Brigitte Zypries (SPD)  has to say about the planned sanctions against Russia, a country that would never even think about breaking international law. They just do it.

Zypries

The new bill would entail sanctions for German and European firms which cooperate with Russia, you see. And Germany is the most international nation there could ever, ever, ever be, hence the international law bit.

And like how could both houses of the US-Amerikan Congress pass such an awful thing, she wonders. Without our permission. That is totally undemocratic.

This could mean war or something, people. Germany’s international welfare is at stake.

“Of course we don’t want a trade war. But it is important the European Commission now looks into countermeasures.”

Leftest SPD Mayor Also Shocked That Leftest Crazies Got So Leftest Crazy In Hamburg

But Hamburg mayor Olaf Scholz (SPD) won’t resign or anything. Not after having promised a safe G20 summit in Hamburg and having failed to deliver miserably.

SPD

Hamburg is deep SPD red, you see (or deep red-green at the moment) and it would be a major Tabubruch (breach of taboo) to actually hold an SPD mayor responsible for his actions. Die Partei hat immer recht (the party is always right) and all that, you know? The real culprit is the “political left” (duh, like the SPD?) and the “strategic militancy” of others which created a level of violence of “scarcely known dimensions.” Well, I’m glad the political left cleared that up for us, again.

Scholz machte den Gewalttätern schwerste Vorwürfe. Diese hätten „bei entsprechenden Hinterhalten schwere Verletzungen und sogar Tote nicht nur in Kauf genommen, sondern offenbar gewollt“.

It’s Election Season In Germany

As was noted yesterday. So now the political parties here are openly competing with one another to see who can bash Donald Trump the best. That article below was originally entitled: “SPD overtakes Chancellor Merkel with its Criticism of Donald Trump.”

SPD

It’s kind of like the arms race. Only instead of mutually assured destruction it’s mutually assured dumb down time, with active participation by ARD and co. I mean, instead of maybe addressing the actual issue of, for example, just why it is that European countries that pledged back in 2014 (or was it a few years before that?) to invest 2 percent of their GDP in NATO defense spending are still not doing so, just attack the guy who refuses to ignore it.

Anyway, the SPD, all set to lose the coming national election resoundingly, can easily afford to take Angela Merkel’s recent campaign sloganeering about Trump America’s unreliability a notch higher and come out actively calling for open opposition against him, whatever that may mean (with the SPD one never really knows what that or anything else they say might mean). Knock yourselves out, comrades.

Angela Merkels Äußerungen zur deutsch-amerikanischen Zusammenarbeit unter Donald Trump haben für Furore gesorgt. Die SPD setzt nun noch einen drauf. Kanzlerkandidat Martin Schulz fordert, sich der Politik des US-Präsidenten entgegenzustellen.