US-Amerikan Election To Be Closely Monitored

Still reeling from the shock of Great Britain’s incorrect Brexit vote, the European and international community is now extremely worried that the result of the coming American presidential election might also not turn out as desired.


That is why the so-called “Initiative HERSELF,” spearheaded and financed by Germany (representing all the worried Europeans), Russia, China, North Korea and Cuba, intends to intensify its efforts in educating the clueless American public in matters of civic responsibility and to warn them of the unspeakable dangers that must occur should they not vote for this election cycle’s fashionable, gender-free candidate, Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton (no one would ever vote for a presidential candidate based on the color of his skin or the type of sex organ she has, you know – or vice versa – or the color of the sex organ, for that matter).

The initiative also calls for increasing by five the number of OSCE election monitors observing said election over there in the freakin’ United States of America because everybody knows about this country’s widespread and systematic voting fraud issues. We’re watching you, Amerika.

Die Organisation für Sicherheit und Zusammenarbeit in Europa (OSZE) will die Zahl ihrer Wahlbeobachter bei der bevorstehenden Präsidentschaftswahl in den USA verfünffachen.

German Doves Demand Pigeon Deployment

As expected and secretly hoped for, the proposal to send German military-surveillance drones to monitor the cease-fire in eastern Ukraine has run into a thicket of legal problems.


To pacify Moscow and the German doves opposed to the deployment, German pigeon drones will now be used instead.

France and Germany said they would consider providing drones. But their request to send armed teams as well to safeguard the drone operators could run into resistance at the OSCE, a civilian organization that includes Russia, which would have to agree to the plan.

Since When Does Ukraine Have A Graffiti Problem?

German drones could soon fly over eastern Ukraine? I thought they were only used for patrolling railyards by night to fight graffiti spraying terrorists here in Germany.


Or to harass the Bundeskanzlerin in Dresden. Or to terrify passengers on commercial airplanes trying to land in Kabul. Hey, practice makes perfect, I guess.

France and Germany are preparing to send their unmanned aircraft as part of the ongoing OSCE mission. The first soldiers from those countries arrived in Ukraine Tuesday to evaluate the conditions on the ground.

You never know, you know?

Elections can be tricky things. Especially when it comes to fairness and straight-up-ness and all that, I mean. And we all know Germans can be pretty tricky too, of course. Or at least I know it, I mean. So after Germany’s parliamentary election committee refused to let a few itsy bitsy and thoroughly harmless parties take part in next month’s election due to what was termed “application irregularities”, I, or somebody like me, got right on the phone to the OSCE (Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe) and reported it. These irregularities about the irregularities, I mean.

These are a-Pauli-ing conditions.

So now the OSCE will be sending election observers to Germany to monitor the country’s general election on September 27. You know, like folks do whenever there’s an election held in some despotic Third World country? Hey, what goes around comes around, I always say.

This will be the organization’s first ever election-monitoring mission to Germany, by the way. And I wholeheartedly welcome it because I, for one, think it’s high time that the rest of the world finally sit up and take notice of the appalling conditions here. During election time, I mean. The rest of the world could finally sit up and take notice of the appalling conditions here during the rest of the time here too, of course, but that might be just a bit too much taking notice to ask.

“Because the non-admission of several parties has now become an issue, our election observers will take a close look.”