America, I mean. Well I had, technically. US-Amerika, that is. But I still am a real American, or “Amurikin” if you prefer, albeit a virtual one here. Anyways… German journalists of the smarter kind over at Die Zeit, concerned about what will become of us (as in US) (as in them) now that we’re going, going, gone, have asked Mr. End of History Francis Fukuyama himself like, what’s the deal? In other words, give us some appropriate inappropriate negative energy flow, pronto.

Here’s MY translation of an interview entitled “What comes after America?”

ZEIT: What DISTURBS you the most about the coming year?

Fuku-san: Duh. The financial crisis.

ZEIT: Will OBAMA save the world or is America TOAST?

Fuku-san: Toast? Don’t think so. Germany was toast once, so I understand where you’re coming from. But it’s not that the US has gotten weaker, it’s that other nations have become stronger.

ZEIT: First the Iraq DISASTER, now the Wall Street MELTDOWN. One might have hoped that America would have at least had its economy under control. Won’t this lead to a massive LOSS OF CONFIDENCE?

Fuku-san: We’re not worthy, we’re not worthy, blah, blah, blah. But being that you’ve never had any confidence in us anyway, like, who cares?

ZEIT: Strange how just yesterday state intervention was THE WORK OF THE DEVIL, now the government is supposed to save the economy. Has Amerika become UN-IDEOLOGICAL?

Fuku-san: There’s an ideology out there for any and every direction you take. But I don’t think I’d have the time to explain it to you.

ZEIT: But don’t THE REPUBLICANS want to return to the REAGAN YEARS of LOWER TAXES and LESS STATE CONTROL?

Fuku-san: Those were the days, weren’t they? Unfortunately, less state intervention is not the answer in this situation.

ZEIT: Do YOU have an answer?

Fuku-san: No.

ZEIT: Is the world drifting LEFT?

Fuku-san: Yes.

ZEIT: Could governments OVERTAX themselves with this deficit spending?

Fuku-san: Yes. Human beings tend toward extremes. We will now over-spend and over-regulate everything.

ZEIT: Is REAGAN’S SAYING that government is part of the problem and not part of the solution still valid?

Fuku-san: Yes. We’re not Social Democrats, after all.

ZEIT: Is AMERICAN CAPITALISM in a CRISIS?

Fuku-san:  No.

ZEIT: That’s a rather sober attitude considering THE MILLIONS OF UNEMPLOYED.

Fuku-san: I’m a very sober person.

ZEIT: But even sober observers think that CAPITALISM finds itself in a MORAL CRISIS.

Fuku-san: I don’t see how. And should you be referring to the so-called bailout plans, these are aimed at saving the little guy, not the big fat cat. No finance, mucho problemo for them, and for all of us. Get it?

ZEIT: Does AMERICA’S CRISIS also have a cultural dimension?

Fuku-san: Yes, in that we have to return to our Puritan roots and stop living on credit. But you don’t do Puritan roots over here, if I recall, and I was of the understanding that you believed we never had any culture to begin with.

ZEIT: So Amerika became dependent upon China (for money), you say, that sounds like THE END OF THE AMERICAN AGE and the rise of Asia.

Fuku-san: Hard to say. A nation’s real strength comes to light in times of adversity, not during times of general growth. And as for China, something tells me they’re not ten feet tall after all.

ZEIT: Do you still believe in AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM?

Fuku-san: Yes.

ZEIT: Once as NEOCON you supported THE IRAQ WAR, then you distanced yourself from the policy. How will history judge BUSH here?

Fuku-san: Impossible to say. Perhaps, in twenty years, historians will write that because of the US policy there, Iraq became a shining democracy for the entire Arab world.

ZEIT: Do you really believe THAT? Couldn’t you be mistaken?

Fuku-san: Yes, I could be mistaken. How about you?

ZEIT: Perhaps history will take A DIFFERENT TURN.

Fuku-san: If you’re referring to my book, I don’t think so. I believe I was right.

ZEIT: Can a REPENTANT NEOCON like yourself BELIEVE in BARACK OBAMA, too?

Fuku-san: Obama will go in the right direction, but he’ll only be following the road that Bush has already taken.

„Ich glaube nicht, dass die Franzosen einen Algerier oder die Deutschen einen Türken zum Kanzler wählen würden. Auch wenn Amerika von Zeit zu Zeit fatale Fehler begeht, hat es die Kraft, sich immer wieder neu zu erfinden. Das lässt hoffen.”