German State Broadcasters Take Russian State Broadcaster Off The Air

They have enough state broadcasting to do on their own as it is, thank you.

The Russian state broadcasters will retaliate by taking the German state broadcaster off the air, of course. Oh why oh why can’t we learn to state broadcast together in peace?

Russia to target German media in response to German ban on RT TV – Russia will retaliate against Germany for banning the German-language service of Russian broadcaster RT, and the response will impact German media accredited in Russia and internet “intermediaries”, the foreign ministry said on Wednesday.

German Of The Day: Tatort

That means scene of the crime. But when Germans hear the word, the first thing they normally think of is a TV show.

Tatort began as an experiment aimed at countering dubbed American crime shows’ market dominance and the success of other domestic productions. To take them on, ARD, one of Germany’s public broadcasters, tasked each of its regional affiliates with creating a series of crime shows featuring one of the cities or regions they served—incorporating its unique landscape, architecture, dialect, mentality, and economic characteristics. Each episode would be 90 minutes long—with no commercial breaks!—providing enough time to develop intricate plots set in distinctive environments. Surprisingly—even to the creators of this series—the audiences loved the new formula, and Tatort quickly earned the cult status it enjoys to this day.

Germans are obsessed with crime fiction, so much so that in German, the word Krimi—short for Kriminalroman (crime novel) or Kriminalfilm (crime film)—can also be used as a suffix to describe anything remotely suspenseful, such as a soccer match (Fußball-Krimi), chess competition (Schach-Krimi), or election (Wahl-Krimi).

German “Passionate Fan Culture”

Only without the passion. It’s a new, I dunno, twist or something.

Loew

Germany beat the Czech Republic 1-0 in a friendly on Wednesday but the average domestic TV ratings came in below “Cash for Rarities,” a show about selling antiques. The average audience of 5.42 million was the lowest for a prime-time men’s national team game this century.

That’s unsettling for a country which prides itself on its passionate fan culture. The joy from winning the World Cup in 2014 turned to despair during Germany’s group-stage exit in 2018. Now apathy reigns amid a mediocre Nations League campaign.

Horst Lichter schlägt das DFB-Team.

German Of The Day: Umerziehen

That means re-educate.

Umerziehen

And that’s what the “framing” expert at Germany state TV “Channel One” (ARD) has advised its employees to do. Viewers are in dire need of re-education.

Her secret “framing manual” indicates that the ARD is at war with its critics and private television channels alike, disruptive elements who refer to the ARD as “state TV,” criticize “compulsory fees” (they’re not compulsory, they’re a show of solidarity!) and “question the ARD’s relevance.” Gee, I guess she means me, too.

These disruptive elements don’t understand that the ARD is “guided by moral principles” and its own “moral necessity for social interaction” and not, like them, motivated by profit. The ARD doesn’t have to be motivated by profit, people. All Germans get taxed for this state supported media bias whether they’re viewers or not.

Isn’t that a nice smirk? Big Sister is watching. She wants you all to keep on watching, that is.

Die Arbeit der ARD, so heißt es, sei „von moralischen Prinzipien getragen“, überzeugt von der eigenen „moralischen Notwendigkeit für das gesellschaftliche Miteinander“ – während die „medienkapitalistischen Heuschrecken“ des Privat-TV nur dem Profit dienen würden.

How State TV Works

When it comes to the news. Pretty much as you imagine it would. It’s kind of like CNN, only you have to support it with your tax euros whether you want to or not. And there is even less accountability, believe it or not.

Tagesschau

Take a recent murder case in Offenburg, for instance. Please. In what appears to be an unprovoked attack, a Somali migrant is reported to have stormed into a family doctor’s surgery area and stabbed the doctor to death. The man then attacked and wounded a medical assistant before fleeing the scene, where a knife was found by police.

Although clearly of great public interest – it was everywhere else in the papers – Germany’s Tagesschau news program chose not to even mention it. The program’s editor-in-chief doesn’t seem all too concerned about the harsh public cirticism that followed this omission, however. Why should he? It’s not like he can be held accountable or be fired for anything. And the show must go on.

“Wir berichten in der “Tagesschau” über Dinge von gesellschaftlicher, nationaler oder internationaler Relevanz.”

Heart-Warming German Children’s TV

Financed by the German Staatsfunk mafia, too.

Kika

It’s so cute or something. German children’s channel KiKa broadcast this touching love story between these two sixteen-year-old kids. One is a German, one is a Syrian refugee. Heart-warming, like I said. Especially once you realize that the Syrian is actually 20 (at least) and that he is also a big fan of German Salafist hatemonger preacher Pierre Vogel.

Young German girls are crazy about this kind of romantic stuff, I guess. And you got to give the people what they want, right? And they can’t be subjected to it early enough, I suppose. So it’s also heart-warming to know just where all those GEZ “contribution” euros go. Not that anybody can do anything about that or anything. Just saying.

Der syrische Flüchtling soll laut Angaben der Bild-Zeitung die offizielle Fan-Seite des deutschen Hasspredigers und Salafisten-Führers Pierre Vogel geliket haben. Vogel war Mitglied eines inzwischen aufgelösten salafistischen Vereins, der vom Verfassungsschutz beobachtet wurde. Er gilt als einer der einflussreichsten Prediger der deutschen Salafismusszene.

399,000 Euros

That’s what one regional director among the “public-sector broadcasters” (state TV) earns here annually – that guy down there. There a dozen or two of these directors out there, by the way.

Intendant

Why that’s more than the President of the United States makes (not that our current President particularly cares about what he gets paid).

Is TV that good here in Germany, you ask? Why yes, it is. Just ask that regional director. It is in fact so good that all Germans are permitted to finance it with a so-called Abgabe, or contribution. Contribution sounds better than tax. Contribution contributes more to the warm and fuzzy feeling everybody has here about state-run TV. And it also contributes to that guy’s ridiculous salary, too. But quality has its price. And as viewers are told time and time and time again, what they are watching is Quality pur (pure).

Wenn man immer geringere Bezahlung fordere, könnten sich am Ende nur noch Milliardäre leisten, eine öffentlich-rechtliche Anstalt zu leiten.

 

Plague Beats Cholera

That was a debate? I’d say that’s debatable.

Debate

Aren’t these two the heads of the parties that form the current coaltion government in Germany? What on earth are two people who are condemmed to agree about everything they do going to debate about? That’s right. Nothing. And that’s what we got last night. A whole lot of it.

German of the day: Schnarch. That means snore.

The leaders of Germany’s two biggest parties went head to head on TV for the only time ahead of the September 24 vote. Merkel and Schulz sparred on topics ranging from migration to foreign policy.