German Of The Day: Flockdown

Flock means flake. Like snowflake. Get it?


Heavy snowstorm pounds Germany, upends travel – A snowstorm and strong winds pounded northern and western Germany on Sunday, forcing trains to cancel trips and leading to hundreds of vehicle crashes. Police said 28 people were injured on icy roads. Climate Change just ain’t what it used to be.

In related news (sort of): Too soon to end German lockdown, says Bavarian leader Soeder.

Deutschland im “Flockdown“: Verkehrchaos auf Autobahnen: “Lage ist katastrophal.”

Climate Change Is Real

And some even maintain that the climate has never not changed. No, for real.


But this here is only weather. Meaning it is unreal. Or fake, if you prefer. Snow in February? In Germany? What a topsy-turvy world we now live in, folks. When will these capricious shifts in weather, I mean climate patterns ever end? Somebody do something about it already.

Germany braces for extreme winter weather – DWD, the German Weather Service, forecast heavy snow and icy temperatures this weekend. Officials said non-essential journeys should be avoided as a number of train services were axed.


German Of The Day: Schneechaos

That means snow chaos. And that’s what Bavaria and Austria are experiencing these days. Right in the middle of winter, of all seasons.


Lots of snow used to be lots of snow but today we prefer to call it “an extreme weather phenomenon.” And that’s what makes things so chaotic, I guess. And it all has to do with global warming, I’m told. And this is caused by humans. As the globe warms, you see, it produces more snow in the winter, or something like that. Counter-intuitive, granted, but I’m no global warming scientist – not like my bus driver and everybody else out there on the street these days. I’m going to read up on it one of these days, though. I promise. Maybe in the Spring once everything has thawed out again.

Das seit Tagen andauernde Schneechaos in den bayerischen Alpen ist noch lange nicht vorbei.

Spring Has Sprung

And twisted an ankle or something.


And this German Bauernregel (farmer or folk saying) doesn’t sound very promising, either: „Wie das Wetter um den Frühlingsanfang, so hält es sich den ganzen Sommer lang.” As the weather begins in spring, all through the summer will be the same thing. Dumb-ass farmers.

Eiskalt kehrt der Winter zurück.

The Trains In Berlin Are Reliable

And don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.


Whenever it snows here, for instance, like it did big time over the weekend, you can rely on a few S-Bahn and Deutsche Bahn stretches to break down in earnest the next day, or in this case Monday.

Germany is a country unfamiliar with snow, you see, or at least I have to assume as much, because much of their technology is not designed to operate in this weird, white and powdery substance.

In their defense, though: I’m not a scientist or anything, but I think all of this more-snow-and-cold-than-usual has something to do with this global warming phenomenon thingy or something. Because its snowing right now, yet again. As we speak, so-to-speak. In the German Spring.

Auf die Bahn ist Verlass: Nach dem Schneefall vom Wochenende brach der S-Bahn- Verkehr am Montag auf mehreren Strecken zeitweise zusammen. Und am Hauptbahnhof wurden am Mittag die Zufahrten vor beiden Haupteingängen gesperrt, weil Schnee und Eisbrocken abrutschten.

Mysterious Cold White Powder Falling From The Sky

What is this bizarre weather phenomenon?


Concerned Germans and climate activists everywhere are puzzled by a strange form of precipitation in the form of crystalline water ice that has suddenly begun falling from the clouds all over Germany.

“Although we have only just begun our studies now,” everyone said in unison. “This is clearly another indication of the direct relationship between Global Warming and the gases (particularly CO2) we have emitted into the atmosphere. Brrr! Is this one cold puppy or what?”

60 Zentimeter Schnee auf der Zugspitze in Bayern. Bis zu einem halben Meter in den Mittelgebirgen. Selbst in Schleswig-Holstein liegen 20 Zentimeter Schnee.

They don’t call it the S(tress)-Bahn here for nothing

Only in Berlin? I’m not so sure. Remember way back when (getting on two years ago) when the Berliner S-Bahn commuter trains had to go on a Notfahrplan (emergency schedule) bis auf Weiteres (until further notice) because of massive problems they were having with their brakes (they hadn’t been checked or maintained properly)?

Remember then about a year or so later when there was a Not-Notfahrplan (emergency emergency schedule) for the same S-Bahn system when something called “winter” hit?

Well winter has struck yet again and we now have our next Not-Notfahrplan (irregular, 20-minute intervals for the few trains that are still running–about 200 of a 500 fleet) and there’s no end in sight. Two years on, people.

It’s not all that out of the ordinary if you stop to think about it, really. German Baustellen (construction sites) are generally built to last. And to last and to last and to last. And we have to be fair here too when it comes to these difficult winter conditions: Germany isn’t a country that has ever had to deal with things like “snow” in the past, you know–or at least that’s what one must assume.

Personally, I’m confident that these trains will all be up and running on regular schedule next year. In the spring of 2012, I mean.

“Because we can’t remember the hard winters of the 1970s, we resort to the word ‘chaos.'”

Get Yer Ya-Ya’s and Your Canned Goods Out!

Oh, my, God. The Scheechaos (snow chaos) has now reached Berlin! You know, like the Red Army once did?

What’s even more shocking is that it’s reached the taz too (the newspaper for all the lefty-anarcho-chaos experts living here). And even more shockingerer still is that Berlin’s environmental minister (yup, cities like Berlin have one of those) Katrin Lompscher (Left Party not Green–can’t you be both?) has called for a freakin’ Krisengipfel (crisis summit). You know, just like the one they had recently somewheres but I can’t remember where, about something, but I forget. Only this Krisengipfel will be worse, or better, or whatever.

We’re all going to die or something!