German Of The Day: Flockdown

Flock means flake. Like snowflake. Get it?


Heavy snowstorm pounds Germany, upends travel – A snowstorm and strong winds pounded northern and western Germany on Sunday, forcing trains to cancel trips and leading to hundreds of vehicle crashes. Police said 28 people were injured on icy roads. Climate Change just ain’t what it used to be.

In related news (sort of): Too soon to end German lockdown, says Bavarian leader Soeder.

Deutschland im “Flockdown“: Verkehrchaos auf Autobahnen: “Lage ist katastrophal.”

Climate Change Is Real

And some even maintain that the climate has never not changed. No, for real.


But this here is only weather. Meaning it is unreal. Or fake, if you prefer. Snow in February? In Germany? What a topsy-turvy world we now live in, folks. When will these capricious shifts in weather, I mean climate patterns ever end? Somebody do something about it already.

Germany braces for extreme winter weather – DWD, the German Weather Service, forecast heavy snow and icy temperatures this weekend. Officials said non-essential journeys should be avoided as a number of train services were axed.


Mysterious Cold White Powder Falling From The Sky

What is this bizarre weather phenomenon?


Concerned Germans and climate activists everywhere are puzzled by a strange form of precipitation in the form of crystalline water ice that has suddenly begun falling from the clouds all over Germany.

“Although we have only just begun our studies now,” everyone said in unison. “This is clearly another indication of the direct relationship between Global Warming and the gases (particularly CO2) we have emitted into the atmosphere. Brrr! Is this one cold puppy or what?”

60 Zentimeter Schnee auf der Zugspitze in Bayern. Bis zu einem halben Meter in den Mittelgebirgen. Selbst in Schleswig-Holstein liegen 20 Zentimeter Schnee.

They don’t call it the S(tress)-Bahn here for nothing

Only in Berlin? I’m not so sure. Remember way back when (getting on two years ago) when the Berliner S-Bahn commuter trains had to go on a Notfahrplan (emergency schedule) bis auf Weiteres (until further notice) because of massive problems they were having with their brakes (they hadn’t been checked or maintained properly)?

Remember then about a year or so later when there was a Not-Notfahrplan (emergency emergency schedule) for the same S-Bahn system when something called “winter” hit?

Well winter has struck yet again and we now have our next Not-Notfahrplan (irregular, 20-minute intervals for the few trains that are still running–about 200 of a 500 fleet) and there’s no end in sight. Two years on, people.

It’s not all that out of the ordinary if you stop to think about it, really. German Baustellen (construction sites) are generally built to last. And to last and to last and to last. And we have to be fair here too when it comes to these difficult winter conditions: Germany isn’t a country that has ever had to deal with things like “snow” in the past, you know–or at least that’s what one must assume.

Personally, I’m confident that these trains will all be up and running on regular schedule next year. In the spring of 2012, I mean.

“Because we can’t remember the hard winters of the 1970s, we resort to the word ‘chaos.'”

Winters could get colder

German scientists have come to the scientific conclusion that “despite global warming”, winters could get colder in the years to come. Of course they could also get warmer in the years to come too, but still.

This odd phenomenon is said to have something to do with the sun or something (uh, don’t warm or cold winters always have something to do with the sun?).

Look, I’m no scientist. I just know that global warming, at least the man-made kind, is sacrosanct. And I also know that I nearly froze my ass off here this last winter, “despite global warming” (not to spite it or anything). So you do the math (I’m not a mathematician either).

Kalte Winter in Europa widersprechen Klimaerwärmung nicht

Spring has sprung in Berlin

If you’re Knut the freakin’ polar bear maybe. 


I'm gonna do the beach today.


Man is it sure cold in Berlin these days. How cold, you ask? 


It’s so cold you need jumper cables to get the German drivers going (German cars still start up just fine).


Cold? It’s so cold Berlin’s mayor actually slept with a woman last night.


Why it’s so cold that German politicians are keeping their hands in their own pockets for once. Or they’re considering it at least.


Cold? When I tried taking down the garbage this morning it refused to go.