Reality Can Be A Bitch Like That

After Missing Emissions Targets, Germany Creates Climate Watchdog.

Climate

Brilliant, really. First you shut down all your nuclear power plants, build more coal-firing power plants to compensate for them (renewable energy isn’t enough here for some odd reason) and then fail to meet the ridiculously ambitious emissions reduction goals you have set.

Then, once you’ve finally come clean about not being able to come clean, you “set up a ‘climate cabinet’ to coordinate emissions reduction efforts and ensure politicians (you, that is) keep their promises.”

I thought Kafka was dead. Come on, now. Did he write this?

Environment minister Svenja Schulze (SPD) detailed the plan to create a ministerial group to German newspaper Tageszeitung on Saturday, saying it would ensure that ideas to lower the country’s emissions don’t slip through the cracks.

Advertisements

We Worry

People living in Germany are the most worried about climate change, according to new analysis of 18 countries published this week.

Climate

The National Centre for Social Research (NatCen) examined data collected by the European Social Survey on public attitudes to climate change of 16 European countries, Russia and Israel.

Of these 18 countries, it found Germans are the most concerned, with 44% “very or “extremely” worried about climate change. At the other end of the spectrum, just 15% of Poles say they are “very or “extremely” worried.

MeanwhileChaos hits European flights as snow snarls major hubs. Germans worry about that kind of stuff, too. They’re always leaving Germany in the winter to escape the cold weather.

Der Winter hat in vielen Teilen Deutschlands zu chaotischen Zuständen geführt. In einigen Regionen zählte die Polizei in der Nacht zum Montag Hunderte Einsätze.

PS: Get your free sample of Brain Quest – A Fantastic Voyage through the Progressive Mind today! For risks and side effects ask your doctor or pharmacist.

Germans Pissed Off At Natural Catastrophe

Who’s in charge of this flood, anyway? Many wet Germans have begun asking themselves and others this question as the worst flooding the country has seen in over a decade moves northward through the country but not nearly fast enough if you ask them.

Flooding

Normally in rapture with everything and anything that has to do with nature and the natural environment, this flood is the second Jahrhundertflut (flood of the century) within the past 12 years and patience for this excessive outpouring of nature’s splendor is rapidly wearing thin.

Germans simply cannot stand things that are not planned well, you see, and this cataclysmic inundation was clearly an organizational nightmare right from the start. The flood waters refused to stay in designated tributaries and caused chaos and hurt feelings pretty much right from day one as the rainfall that caused the flooding came all at once. Causing the flooding. Like I said.

The responsible party for this natural catastrophe has yet to be located (except for the usual suspect global warming, yawn, but that doesn’t really count because global warming is responsible for everything), but when he or she is, there’s going to be hell to pay.

“Piss off!”

Global Warming Still Causing Colder Weather In Germany

In February, of all months. And in Germany, of all countries.

Global Warming

According to German meteorologist Dominik Jung, Germany has just set a new record for having its 5th colder-than-normal winter in a row.

In light of recent scientific predictions that Central Europe would soon not be having any winters at all, several of the scientists who had made these predictions are now attributing this unexpected climatic odditiy to a newly discovered global warming abnormality they are now calling “Winterwetter.”

Winterwetter seems to have a direct relationship to the global warming theory postulate asserting that water vapor and clouds will temporarily cancel out the warming effect of CO2 emissions currently destroying our planet, thus temporarily reversing the deadly global warming trend for a small period each and every year lying roughly between the seasons of autumn and spring and directly affecting countries like Germany with unreasonably and unseasonably cold weather until the more unreasonably and unseasonably warm weather returns again.

Am Montag könnte die Schneedecke noch einmal deutlich anwachsen. Erst ab Mitte der Woche ist Besserung in Sicht.

Mysterious Cold White Powder Falling From The Sky

What is this bizarre weather phenomenon?

Snow

Concerned Germans and climate activists everywhere are puzzled by a strange form of precipitation in the form of crystalline water ice that has suddenly begun falling from the clouds all over Germany.

“Although we have only just begun our studies now,” everyone said in unison. “This is clearly another indication of the direct relationship between Global Warming and the gases (particularly CO2) we have emitted into the atmosphere. Brrr! Is this one cold puppy or what?”

60 Zentimeter Schnee auf der Zugspitze in Bayern. Bis zu einem halben Meter in den Mittelgebirgen. Selbst in Schleswig-Holstein liegen 20 Zentimeter Schnee.

Germany In Grave Danger Again

It’s all over but the crying now. Or whining, if you prefer. German Wetter (weather) just keeps getting wetter!

A new study tells us that the number of “devastating” storms, heavy rains and other weather-related “natural catastrophes” has tripled in Germany since the 70s! Wow. Have there actually been three already?

Scarier still is that the climate model for the next thirty years (this in a country that can’t get the weather forecast for tomorrow right, mind you) calls for even more “heavy precipitation” that will most likely lead to – oh my God we’re all going to die – flooding! That’s right, the f-word. Oh the horror or something. And you thought it couldn’t happen here.

„Für die nächsten 30 Jahre rechnen Klimamodelle in Deutschland vor allem mit einer Zunahme der Sturmintensität und mit mehr Starkniederschlägen, die zu Überschwemmungen führen.“

Let’s get this straight right from the start

In case you were wondering, and of course you weren’t, let Der Spiegel clear things up for you: “The Oil Catastrophe Will Be BP’s Katrina, Not Obama’s.”

At stake is not only President Barack Obama’s energy strategy, which only recently called for increased oil drilling on America’s East Coast and in the Gulf. The president’s entire climate plan could be at risk as well. 

Es kommt immer anders als man denkt

It always comes about differently than you expected.

“A Nobel Prize-winning panel of climate scientists who wrote the world’s most authoritative report on global warming have apologised after five glaring errors were discovered in one paragraph.

The errors are in a 2007 report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, a United Nations-affiliated body.

All the mistakes appear in a sub-section that suggests glaciers in the Himalayas could melt away by the year 2035 – hundreds of years earlier than the data actually indicates. The year 2350 was apparently transposed as 2035.”

All I know is that they’re predicting -23 (centigrade) for Berlin this weekend. I sure hope that this is a glaring error too.

“2035 würden die Himalaya-Gletscher abgeschmolzen sein, warnte der Weltklimarat. Die Prognose fußt womöglich auf einem Zahlendreher – auf keinen Fall aber auf seriöser Wissenschaft.”

Colder or warmer?

Are we getting any closer yet? Are we getting any warmer? Do you feel like reading about “one of the coldest” German winters of the past hundred years today?

 

 A bit frisch these days...

  

Or do you feel more like warming up to an article about how the Baltic and North Sea are warming up, again?

  

Wärmer geht es nicht.

 

Strange that you can get such, uh, variety these days, don’t you think? When it comes to newspaper articles about the weather, I mean. Or when it comes to newspaper articles about the climate, if you prefer (yes, I know that they’re different).

 

Where you won’t get any variation is in the absolute certainty that CO2 is the culprit behind climate change these days (unfortunately, it couldn’t have been the culprit behind the countless climate changes of the past). Talk about a given. It’s not even brought up anymore in these articles. It’s so understood that it’s, well, well understood. It can only be CO2, after all. It’s the law or something.

 

Of course CO2 is never brought up when it comes to the cold temperatures we’re going through right at the moment, that’s different, that’s just the weather. I understand this. I think. But I’m no scientist, OK? Much less one of those 10,000 objective scientist types working for the UN, and even much lesser so one of those few and far between scientist-in-denial types who either simply don’t get it because they’re not as smart as we are or are on somebody evil’s payroll. The worthless pukes.

 

But I’m no fool, you know. I’m just a concerned citizen of the world. And I’m freezing my freakin’ *#!?%%! off already trying to figure this stuff out, OK? What do you think? Am I getting any warmer yet?

 

“Die Studie steht in vollem Einklang mit den Ergebnissen des Weltklimarats IPCC.“