Getting everything wrong yet again, and terrified this time at the prospect of a “General Motors” (GM) corn that spawns deadly corn boring moth larva who hunger for the taste of Central European human flesh,  panicked Germans everywhere have band together and banned Monsanto’s MON 810 maize variety effective immediately if not sooner like yesterday already.

Claiming that the decision to ban the harmless vegetable was now based on new ultra-objective data acquired from even ultra-objectiver sources at Greenpeace Labs Incorporated, the decision was of course a purely scientific one and not political in any way, or at least that’s what some of the corn-fed politicians said, truly believing that they have once again prevented another clear and present danger to the German environment, whatever that is.

German Research Minister Annette Schavan regretted the decision, made by another minister within the same government by the way, saying that especially during times of economic turmoil Germany should not be too quick to say too no to future technologies and not be so closed-minded and stop jumping up and down screaming hysterically dressed in green like that all the time, but who cares what she thinks?

“Gerade in einer Wirtschaftskrise wie heute sollten wir uns nicht vorschnell von Zukunftstechnologien verabschieden, zu denen die Grüne Gentechnik zweifellos gehört.“