No More Döner For Dinner?

Huh? That’s absolutely, positively my favorite German food!

Döner

Leave it up to the Enlightened Left to help protect us from ourselves again.

The EU’s Umweltausschuss (ecology committee) plans to restrict the use of phosphates in frozen meats. A loophole in their legislation had allowed frozen Döner Kebab to contain phosphates up until now. Only fresh Döner will be allowed to have phosphates in the future.

The problem here: Almost all of the Döner restaurants in Europe depend upon frozen Döner meat being delivered to them. Some 500 tons of it are eaten every day. 80% of that in Germany. Over 110,000 jobs would be affected. And please note: The same EU bureaucrats (from another EU department, of course) have declared that 4200 mg of phosphates per day does not pose a health hazard. A Döner Kebab has on average 134 mg.

What can you say? What else can you say? “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

Wegen Sozialisten und Grünen im EU-Parlament – Dem Döner droht das Aus!

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Misleading AND Unsettling

That’s what German agriculture minister Christian Schmidt thinks about food names like “vegetarian schnitzel” and “vegan curry sausage.” He even thinks that names like these should be banned because they mislead and unsettle the public.

Wurst

And I almost agree – those two names unsettle me, for one. Only what do you do about all those other weird traditional German food names out there already? You know, like Leberkäse (liver cheese – neither liver nor cheese inside), Teewurst (tea sausage – no tea), Bierschinken (beer ham – no beer), Baumkuchen (tree cake – no tree), Armer Ritter (poor knight – no knight, poor or otherwise) and Amerikaner (there sure the hell better not be any Americans in there!)? I mean, how misleading and unsettling is that? Let’s cut our loses and call the whole thing off, Herr Minister Schmidt.

Niemand dürfe „bei diesen Pseudo-Fleischgerichten so tun, als ob es Fleisch wäre“, forderte Schmidt.

Police Brutality Is Real

Police in Berlin had to drag a man from a bus on Wednesday evening after he refused to stop eating a Döner which he’d brought on board.

Döner

It’s a far cry from the relaxed attitude promoted in BVG advertising.

Döner im Bus ist verboten – was ist denn erlaubt?

Bio Business Big Bad Business

Everybody buys Bio (organic) here. You know, like with real, non-organic money? It’s not just for the bio bourgeoisie anymore.

Bio

So don’t watch that there “Bio-Illusion” documentary on Arte if you can help it, folks. Not even if you can go back in time to yesterday to see it when it was on, I mean. Which you can’t, I bet.

Those who believe that organic farming is the work of some sinister food mafia will only be reinforced after watching the documentary “Bio-Illusion.” The others will be angry, with good reason.

Wo Bio draufsteht, muss noch längst nicht Bio drin sein.

PS: Speaking of the organic illusion, here’s another one for you here made in the US of A.

Half Of All Germans Too Fat?

And here you thought that Americans were too fat. And they are.

Fat

Ah… screw it. Let’s go out today (Happy Vatertag, Männer) and refocus our thoughts on something more positive and drink a swimming pool of beer! Yee-haw!

Fast ein Drittel der Weltbevölkerung ist übergewichtig oder fettleibig.

Same procedure as every year, men.

Eco-Farmer Finds Magic Way To Increase Number Of Eco-Chickens

And he’s not telling anybody, either.

Chicken

Everybody is an eco-activist in Germany, as you well know. The Organic Bourgeois have been calling the shots here for quite some time now.

So you can imagine the organic bourgeois brouhaha today now that it’s come out how that über-eco organic food chain Neuland has been receiving 130,000 organic chicken pieces annually from an eco-farmer who only had enough eco-chickens to deliver 80,000. Talk about turning water into wine. Or maybe he just sliced them up really well?

2013 lieferte der niedersächsische Betrieb schon 130.000 Hühner an Neuland-Geschäfte. Den Vereinsstatuten zufolge hätte er aber höchstens 16.000 Tiere auf seinem Hof halten dürfen. Bei jährlich rund fünf Schlachtdurchgängen wären das rund 80.000 Hühner.

Creepy Corn Coming (And I Don’t Care)

Ghastly, genetically modified creepy corn.

Corn

Creepy corn without a name. Creepy corn that isn’t even spelled with a capital K. Corn so creepy that it only has a creepy number; the nasty and nightmarish 1507. Corn devised in some creepy laboratory somewhere in the United States of Creepy Amerika.

Insect-resistant, creepy, nameless and K-less corn. Creepy corn that Germans dressed up like bees simply must say Nein! to. Corn that must be stopped at all costs.

Corn declared safe by the European Food Standards Authority. But still.

“Wir erkennen die Vorbehalte des Großteils der Bevölkerung gegenüber der grünen Gentechnik an.”

Veggie Day Will Just Be The Start

If the Greens get their way, I mean.

Green

Although most German works canteens (the place where most working Germans take in their main meal of the day) offer one vegetarian day per week voluntarily already, this is clearly not enough for certain of the more nervous elements pacing the floors at Green Shirt Campaign Headquarters. A federal election is coming up people, so it’s time for a little agitprop sommertime theater already (agitprop Sommerloch theater?).

Once in absolute control – uh, I mean after the coming election in September – the Greens apparantly plan to introduce legislation indroducing “Veggie Day” for the good of all of us, animals included, whether we like our veggies or not (most animals hate them). Like how Organic Bourgeois of them is that?

You see, it’s not like the Greens are into Bevormundung or anything (paternalism, condescension, tutelage, bureaucratic PC dictatorship, etc.). It’s just that they’re into Bevormundung.

One guy from the FDP put it well: “What’s next? Jute Shopping Bag Day? Bike Day? Green Shirt Day?”

“Man muss nicht jeden Tag zwei Burger essen.”

Germans Go Hoarse Yelling “Horse!” Now That Horse Is Main Course

German officials sure know how to stirrup the emotions these days.

Horse

Whinny they gonna finally leave us alone?

They mustang out with the wrong people or something. They sure do have a lot of gaul. I think it would behoove them to try standing in good stead for once and keep calm because the mane thing is that we all still have enough meat to eat, regardless of the horse, I mean source, of course.

After all, horse meat is a stable diet you know.

And just for the record: Any pal of theirs is a palomino.

This gives Pferdiggerichte a whole new meaning.