Just your run of the mill knife attack

In Berlin. Every day now (they forget to mention the one in Berlin Steglitz this morning).

Knifeman on the run after Berlin tram passenger seriously injured in stabbing – The victim was attacked around 2.30am on the M2 tram at Karl-Liebknecht-Straße in the city’s Mitte district…

“Knife violence is a city-wide problem, and many young men in particular seem to have one in their pockets.”

Never mix Afghans and soccer

And knives.

Particularly that knife part. Afghans and knives: Nicht gut. Damn. This guy must have been a real Scotland fan.

German police shoot to death an Afghan man who killed a compatriot, then attacked soccer fans – German police shot to death an Afghan man after he fatally attacked a compatriot and later wounded three people watching the televised opening game of the Euro 2024 soccer tournament in eastern Germany, police said Saturday.

What’s With Your Knife-Free Zones, Germany?

Seems to be taking longer than you were planning.

Or would that be racist (the attackers never seem to be a Lukas, Tobias or a Günther)? Whatever. But once they are introduced, knife attacks will finally be a thing of the past.

Stabbing attack at German gym leaves 4 severely injured – German police say four people have been severely injured in a stabbing attack at a gym in the western city of Duisburg.

PS: While we’re at it. Why don’t you consider banning fitness studios (gyms)?

Eating utensils soon to be verboten, too

Now that playing paintball is about to become a felony here in Germany, many Germans are worried about today’s somewhat vicious knife attack at the Albert-Einstein-Gymnasium in St. Augustin and fear it could cause a political backlash that might just lead to the complete Verbot of eating utensils in their country and the end of civilized eating behavior as they now know it.

How are you? Knive to meet you.

Otherwise quite fastidious when it comes to eating with tools, Germans everywhere nevertheless understand that the possible outlawing of all knives, forks and spoons within the home would only be done so with their own best interest at heart and would help in the ongoing national struggle to prevent any further lowering of the threshold of violence already quite palpable at many a German dinner table.

“16-Jährige nach Messerattacke auf der Flucht”