VW?

As in Very Wicked?

VW

What’s with German automobile companies these days? As if their latest foray into organized crime wasn’t enough, now it’s reported that VW was active in helping Brazil’s military dictatorship persecute opponents back in the day. Volkswagen and military dictatorships? No way.

The accusations are not new, but have resurfaced through a new investigation done by a group of German news organizations. According to the group, Germany’s largest car manufacturer, Volkswagen, was an active participant in the persecution and oppression of political opponents of Brazil’s military dictatorship that was in power from 1964 to 1985.

The company’s Brazilian subsidiary, Volkswagen do Brasil, which has been active in the country since the early 1950s, is accused of spying on some workers and looking into their political convictions, information that was then handed over to the police.

Damn. This gives Made in Germany a whole new meaning – again.

Deutsche Medien haben nach eigenen Angaben Belege dafür gefunden, dass Volkswagen sich in der Zeit der brasilianischen Militärdiktatur aktiv an politischer Verfolgung und Unterdrückung beteiligt hat.

VW, Audi, Porsche, Daimler, BMW…

Then come the Corleones, the Camorra, the Yakuza, the Sinaloa Cartel, etc.

VW

German car makers Volkswagen (VW), Audi, Porsche, BMW and Daimler secretly worked together from the 1990s onwards on issues including polluting emissions from diesel vehicles, news magazine Der Spiegel reported on Friday.

VW, facing tens of billions of dollars in compensation and fines after admitting to cheating on diesel emissions in 2015, had reported the cartel to German competition authorities in a letter seen by the weekly, as did Mercedes-Benz maker Daimler.

“The German car industry agreed in secret working groups about technology in their vehicles, costs, suppliers, markets, strategies and even about the emissions treatment of their diesel vehicles.”

Volkswagen, Audi, Daimler…

There seems to be a connection here somewhere but I just can’t find it.

Daimler

Oh, yeah. Now I know: Diesel.

A German media research consortium reported Wednesday that German automaker Daimler, the maker of Mercedes-Benz cars, had for almost 10 years cheated emissions tests on two of its lines of engines. The allegations prompted a series of raids carried by German authorities on a number of Daimler locations back in May.

And all of this was financed by the Deutsche Bank, right?

“Wir kooperieren vollumfänglich mit den Behörden. Spekulationen kommentieren wir nicht.”

When Politically Motivated Anti-Globalization Activists Get Active

Big capitalists like this store owner have to pay.

G20

“This proves that capitalism doesn’t work,” one masked activist with a Z sprayed on his chest explained. “Any system that would let people like us destroy this guy’s capital with impunity simply ain’t got no future.”

I’m finally starting to see the light, people. This is what a world without globalization would look like. The annoymous theft and destruction would only take place locally.

Ihr Ideal? „China vor 1976“, sagt einer.

German Of The Day: Deutsche Bank

That means German Bank.

Deutsche Bank

And it’s getting hard to find a financial scandal that this bank is not involved in. When it comes to corruption and criminal activity, it’s the Volkswagen among the banks, you could say. Or the Audi, if you prefer.

Today’s criminal activity: U.S. authorities have tried to seize millions of dollars associated with several companies that deal with North Korea, including the country’s military, from eight large international banks, according to court filings made public on Thursday. Deutsche Bank is among them.

Some of the transactions were processed for Dandong Zhicheng Metallic Material Co and four affiliated “front” companies that prosecutors said tried to evade sanctions through transactions that would benefit North Korean entities, “including the North Korea military and North Korea weapons programs,” according to the filings.

Amerikanische Staatsanwälte haben die Deutsche Bank und sieben weitere Banken im Visier. Der Grund: Sie sollen Geschäfte mit nordkoreanischen Tarnfirmen gemacht haben.

My Guess Is Argentina

US authorities have issued international arrest warrants for five former VW managers and developers for their role in the Dieselgate scandal.

VW

Nobody in Germany can seem to find them so, you know, just put two and two together. No, that doesn’t make five. But it comes close.

Under the constitution, German citizens can only be extradited to other European Union countries or to an international court. But leaving Germany could pose the risk of being extradited to the United States from a third country.

Erwartbare Konsequenz.”

More Tough Sentencing In Germany

The state court in Berlin convicted a group of young refugees from Syria and Libya on Tuesday who attempted to set fire to a sleeping homeless man at a subway station on Christmas last year. The oldest of the group, a 21-year-old Syrian man, was sentenced to two years and nine months in prison.

Crime

I guess the judges were being lenient like in that recent case in Cottbus. In Muslim countries it’s apparently OK to light people on fire so that needed to be taken into consideration, I assume.

But seriously, if were up to me and I were a judge here in Berlin I’d lock them up in the David Hasselhoff Museum and throw away the key.

No Joke

Little old ladies just don’t seem to understand the world we are now living in. Not that I do, either. But still.

Hate Crime

In Germany, you can be arrested and fined €1,350 for finding jokes like these funny (and then sharing it on your Facebook page): “Do you have anything against refugees? Yes. Machine guns and hand grenades.”

And using some lame excuse like “I like to pass on funny things” won’t help you out here one little bit, ma’am. You are guilty of hate crime. Hate crime, you ask? What is hate crime? Well, hate crime, when it comes to jokes, is kind of like thoughtcrime only… No, wait. It is thoughtcrime. That’s precisely what it is. Now just sit back and relax, ma’am. We will purge that abominable joke from your mind with the help of this little red button right here.

„Ich leite gern spaßige Sachen weiter.”

Who’s Your Daddy?

The German birth rate is suddenly spiking or something. I knew you could do it, guys.

Pregnant

German officials say growing numbers of pregnant immigrant women are paying German men to pose as fathers so that they can qualify for residency.

German broadcaster RBB found up to 700 cases in Berlin alone. “There are many unreported cases,” said Ole Schröder, a top interior ministry official.

Some pregnant immigrant women are reported to have paid fake fathers and solicitors as much as €5,000 (£4,356; $5,628) to get paternity registered. Once that is done, the baby automatically becomes a German citizen and the mother has the right to stay.

“Wir haben teilweise Personen, die über zehn Vaterschaften annerkannt haben.”

German Of The Day: Handkreissäge

That means skill saw or portable circular saw.

Saw

And you really need to have a lot of skill when you operate one of those things. Or you ought to. It’s hard to say whether this lady knew what she was doing when she was operating hers, though.

A court in southern Germany has convicted a 32-year-old woman of killing her boyfriend and severing his head with a circular saw. Prosecutors said she attacked her boyfriend while he was tied to a bed and blindfolded with blacked-out swim goggles, then decapitated him, probably after he died from wounds to the upper body.

My bet is she never saw sex like that before.