Wacko Level Three

It’s gone completely wackodelic, captain. I don’t know how much longer the ship can take it!


Really enlightened Berlin activists (all activists are enlightened, of course, but you can tell the really enlightened ones by that weird gleam in their eyes) are now instructing us to become shoplifters for humanity. Upset about the conditions under which chocolate, bananas, orange juice and other products are harvested and/or produced, they are calling on us to begin stealing this stuff from our local supermarkets. The money we save by doing so will then be donated to those who deserve it. They mean us thieves are supposed to donate it, of course.

Think of Robin Hood except with a big coat at your local Safeway. Oh, the humanity of it all. It gives me goosebumps. No, wait. That’s a nasty rash. I’m going to run over to Aldi real quick and steal some skin creme or something. For the needy, you know? I’m just sayin’.

Schokolade, Bananen, Orangensaft: Viele Lebensmittel werden unter zweifelhaften Bedingungen hergestellt. Jetzt provozieren Aktivisten mit dem Aufruf, die Waren im Laden zu stehlen – und das gesparte Geld an die Produzenten zu spenden.


Torpedoes Are Ready For Firing

Alarm Bells Ringing As German Court Prepares Diesel Verdict That Could Torpedo The Industry.


This is widespread criminal activity here, people. VW may have gotten Dieselgate rolling, then Audi & Co. gets caught but now its Daimler’s turn.

Daimler AG, the automaker which produces the Mercedes-Benz line of luxury vehicles, is facing growing scrutiny after US investigators reportedly found that it installed software to cheat diesel emissions tests on cars, Bloomberg and Reuters reported.

I got three words to say here: Made in Germany. Here are three more: Betrug mit System (systematic fraud). Get this diesel Dreck (filth) out of here already.

Meanwhile… Tesla vehicles now dominates luxury segment in Europe, outselling flagship gas-powered German cars

Tesla Model S übertrumpft in Europa erstmals deutsche Premium-Konkurrenz.


Beautiful German weapon sales of the week.


Because somebody has to admire them.

The number of Germans who have acquired weapons permits has risen considerably over the past two years. Having the requisite documentation allows people in the country to carry things like non-lethal gas pistols in public. In January 2016, just under 301,000 people had such a permit; in December 2017 there were over 557,000.

Jeepers. What makes the Germans so uptight these days?


Thank Goodness We Have Experts

Otherwise we dummies down here in the street would have never, ever in a million years been able to figure out that the spike in violent crime in Lower Saxony is directly related to the arrival of migrants there.


And thank goodness this is only the case in Lower Saxony, right?

The German state of Lower Saxony witnessed a 10.4 percent increase in crime at the height of the migration crisis, according to a study. The study’s authors said age and reporting practices factored into the connection…

According to the study, which was conducted by the Zurich University of Applied Sciences and paid for by Germany’s Ministry of Family Affairs, police witnessed an increase of 10.4 percent in reported violent crimes in 2015 and 2016. More than 90 percent of the increase (not of total violent crimes) was said to be attributable to migrants.

I know, I know. How distasteful. How can they be allowed to publish studies like that? Couldn’t somebody censor them or something?

Wissenschaftler haben die Gewaltkriminalität von Flüchtlingen am Beispiel Niedersachsens untersucht. Sie rechnen fast jede achte Gewalttat einem Asylsuchenden zu.


German Of The Day: Gefangenenaustausch

That means a prisoner exchange.


And that is what this guy, the German executive guy responsible for environmental questions in US-Amerika for VW who just got sentenced by a US court to seven years in prison and $400,000 – after “admitting to charges of conspiring to mislead U.S regulators and violate clean-air laws” – is hoping for.

Of course in this case, if nobody can find a US-Amerikan prisoner in Germany worth swapping places with, the exchange could still take place between prisons, couldn’t it? At any rate, his lawyers would like to exchange his yucky American one for one of the more humane German kind.

This is another one of those cases where worlds collide, folks. Convicted murders don’t get seven years over here in Germany. And this wanted clown goes on vacation in Florida thinking nobody will notice (that’s where they busted him)? Here’s some more German of the day: Wer nicht hören will muss fühlen. Those who refuse to follow the rules shall feel the consequences.

Sieben Jahre soll der VW-Manager Oliver Schmidt wegen des Abgasskandals in einem US-Gefängnis sitzen. Doch der Verurteilte hofft auf eine Überstellung nach Deutschland – womöglich im Austausch mit einem US-Häftling.

PS: Are you ready for your free sample of Brain Quest – A Fantastic Voyage through the Progressive Mind? Be brave.


German Of The Day: Tapfer

That means brave or valiant. Yeah, here’s to you tapfer drug dealers hanging out in the parks of Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg.


Only in Berlin, folks. No joke: Somebody over at that district’s museum of local history has set up an exhibition honoring the “undaunted” criminal African drug dealers who carry out their illegal trade despite the slings and arrows of outreageous fortune they are forced to endure like… I dunno. Being pursued by the cops for breaking the law?

Oh yeah, and there’s racism involved, too (there always is). These guys are “in the spotlight of racist animosity” and are the “scapegoats for collective hate” because all they want to do is sell illegal drugs and the system won’t let them do it. Oppression everywhere you look these days, I tell you.

This is an outrage, damn it! That something like this exhibition is possible and it isn’t even meant to be a joke, I mean. Or is it? The more I read this the less sure about it I am.

„Drogendealer leisten einen gesellschaftlich wertvollen und von vielen Menschen geschätzten Dienst – und zwar dort, wo sie gut zu erreichen sind: mitten im Bezirk, vor allem in den Parks.“

PS: Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg is a so-called red-red-green district governed by the Greens, the SPD and the Left Party. Just in case you were wondering.


The Wild Boar Is The One Without The Gun

I knew that German wild boars were tough hummamuffers but I had no idea they were this tough.


This was like the Bonnie and Clyde of wild boars or something. If you read this report (really, really fast without paying too much attention to the words like I did) you will discover that this pair of pigs robbed a bank, ripped a man’s car off, ate somebody’s finger, then smashed the car before being ambushed by law officers near Sailes, Louisiana.

Looks like they got Clyde, too. Those no good #!?\ߧ!s.

Police confirmed on Facebook that two “grown, aggressive wild pigs” have been running through Heide city centre since around 9am local time.


German Of The Day: Gleichberechtigung

That means equality, emancipation, equal status.


You know, like with prison personnel? Although that’s not quite what this female correctional facility employee got as she accompanied a sex offender during his accompanied prison leave. She got sexually abused instead, before the guy hung himself.

Let women staff accompany convicted sex offenders on the outside? Why, uh, of course. You got to go with the times, bro. Only an outdated primitive like myself would think that maybe that might not be such a terribly good idea.

Wie konnte es zu der schrecklichen Tat in Niedersachsen kommen? Warum musste ausgerechnet eine Frau den verurteilten Triebtäter begleiten?



As in Very Wicked?


What’s with German automobile companies these days? As if their latest foray into organized crime wasn’t enough, now it’s reported that VW was active in helping Brazil’s military dictatorship persecute opponents back in the day. Volkswagen and military dictatorships? No way.

The accusations are not new, but have resurfaced through a new investigation done by a group of German news organizations. According to the group, Germany’s largest car manufacturer, Volkswagen, was an active participant in the persecution and oppression of political opponents of Brazil’s military dictatorship that was in power from 1964 to 1985.

The company’s Brazilian subsidiary, Volkswagen do Brasil, which has been active in the country since the early 1950s, is accused of spying on some workers and looking into their political convictions, information that was then handed over to the police.

Damn. This gives Made in Germany a whole new meaning – again.

Deutsche Medien haben nach eigenen Angaben Belege dafür gefunden, dass Volkswagen sich in der Zeit der brasilianischen Militärdiktatur aktiv an politischer Verfolgung und Unterdrückung beteiligt hat.


VW, Audi, Porsche, Daimler, BMW…

Then come the Corleones, the Camorra, the Yakuza, the Sinaloa Cartel, etc.


German car makers Volkswagen (VW), Audi, Porsche, BMW and Daimler secretly worked together from the 1990s onwards on issues including polluting emissions from diesel vehicles, news magazine Der Spiegel reported on Friday.

VW, facing tens of billions of dollars in compensation and fines after admitting to cheating on diesel emissions in 2015, had reported the cartel to German competition authorities in a letter seen by the weekly, as did Mercedes-Benz maker Daimler.

“The German car industry agreed in secret working groups about technology in their vehicles, costs, suppliers, markets, strategies and even about the emissions treatment of their diesel vehicles.”