Tag Archives: TV

Now This Is A Show That I Could Watch

February 21, 2012 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Germans can’t seem to get enough of watching Promis on TV (German TV Promis are second-rate celebrities, usually of the third- or fourth-rate kind).

They drop them off in the jungle and let them scratch and bite for Promi fame there, they make them prepare awful Promi dinners at home for their unwelcome Promi guests, there was even one show where I saw some Promis going on a freakin’ Promi pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela in Spain.

But now they’ve finally developed a concept that will open up that prominent Promi TV world for the rest of us out there. They’re going to put them in a boxing ring and let them beat the Promi crap out of each other.

Großes Promiboxen mit Dschungel-Prominenz

Turks beat Germans

October 7, 2010 By in High Art Tags: , , , , , , , 5 Comments

In what was sure to have been one turkey of a show, Turkey beat Germany last night on a SAT .1  TV duel game show thingy. Sorry I missed it (not).

Damn. No sooner does German President Christian Wulff assert that Islam “belongs” in Germany than the Turks get all uppity and whoop everybody’s butt.

“Was die Show, außer den Kandidaten, mit den beiden Nationen zu tun hatte, blieb weitgehend schleierhaft.”

Schroeder sabotages ex-wife’s near second fifteen minutes of fame

April 22, 2010 By in High Art Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Gerd “it wasn’t me” Schroeder is at it again.

As if driving around Hannover with the drunken church lady (and getting her fired) and planting 250 kilo bombs in Berlin wasn’t enough already, now he’s somehow managed to sabotage his ex-wife’s next shot at fame by getting her to slip on something and fall while she was doing her dance on what I assume must be the popular TV show “Let’s Dance.”

Anyways, she’s busted her knee and is out of the competition. And she coulda been a contender too. It just ain’t right. Damn. This Schroeder guy needs to get a job.

“Nur einmal durfte Hillu Schwetje, Ex-Gattin des Ex-Bundeskanzlers Gerhard Schröder in der RTL-Show “Let’s Dance” das Tanzbein schwingen.”

212 minutes a day?

January 6, 2010 By in Hard Facts Tags: 2 Comments

That`s how much average TV the average German watches. On an average day, I mean, on average. Yawn. A real red-blooded American watches that much before breakfast. Or should, damn it.

And I somehow suspected this too: The real couch potatoes are in uns und um uns und um uns herum (like all around us, dude). If you live in Berlin, I mean. The Brandenburgers are the Germans who watch the most TV (262 minutes), that’s clearly more than we watch here in Berlin. I’m shocked and disappointed, sort of. But at least Berliners surf and blog more, or so I must assume. The slugs.

Den höchsten Anstieg im Vergleich der Bundesländer gab es in Sachsen: Hier verweilten die Menschen mit 182 Minuten im Schnitt 18 Minuten länger vor den Bildschirmen als 2008.

Back to the jungle

January 8, 2009 By in Humor Tags: 5 Comments

Ekel-TV (revulsion television) in Germany has certainly seen better days. No, come to think of it, it hasn’t.

  

Urwald Urkomisch.

 

Truly international as usual, „Ich bin ein Star – Holt mich hier raus!“ or, if you prefer, “I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!”, only in German production, this year’s season is really going to revolt or spew or rock or whatever it is you choose to call it big time.

 

 RTL’s star line up will include a well seasoned actress with prison experience, a freshly-operated transsexual and someone who actually goes by the name of “the white negro from Hasenbergl.” I’m speechless almost. With stars like these you don’t need enemies.

 

Needless to say, I’ll just have to watch, at least once. And so will you, because needless to say, it’s pointless to try to resist.

 

“Don’t go for help… no one will hear you.”