German Moon Mission A Hoax

A German Lunar X-Prize team’s announcement that it plans to send two mobile probes to the Moon to inspect the lunar rover left behind by the Apollo 17 mission has been exposed as a hoax because everybody knows that these Apollo moon landings never took place in the first place.

Hoax

The team hopes to land its probes about 2 to 3 miles (3 to 5 km) from the touch down site of Apollo 17 in the Taurus-Littrow valley. From there, the vehicles will drive to within 200 meters (656 feet) of the Apollo rover and inspect it remotely…

The Google Lunar X-Prize requires its competitors to land their probes on the Moon in 2017, which gives us something to look forward to next year. Once the probe sends back its high-definition pictures of the lunar rover, you can happily show them to your annoying Moon Truther friends.

Germans Now Allowed To Watch So-Called “Music Videos”

Damn. The down side here is that this is finally going to let South Sudan pass Germany by. When it comes to blocking online music videos, I mean.

GEMA
The internet video platform YouTube and the German rights collection society GEMA have reached a deal under which artists who are GEMA members will receive payment when one of their videos is viewed, both sides announced on Tuesday. The agreement also brings an end to the red “blocking banners” notifying users in Germany that access to their favorite music was banned for copyright reasons.

Ab heute geht’s los. Also habt bitte einen Moment Geduld, wenn noch nicht alle Videos sofort verfügbar sind.”

German Of The Day: Liebling

That means Liebling (favorite, darling). You know, like Liebling Kreuzberg? That was one of my Liebling TV shows I used to watch way back when in a place they used to call “West Berlin.”

Liebling

Manfred Krug, Mr. lawyer Liebling himself, passed away today. An interesting character, somehow managing to be successful and remain popular on both sides of what they used to call “the Berlin Wall.” Rest in peace.

Er war unser “Liebling Kreuzberg” und die Personifizierung eines Berliners, dabei stammte er aus Duisburg: Manfred “Manne” Krug.

Clowns Funny After All

It took me forever to finally get how this creepy clown conspiracy stuff works but now I’m laughing my Hintern (behind) off.

Clowns

I had always found clowns creepy (even the old-school, “normal” kind) and anything but funny but that’s only because nobody had ever explained to me how this works. Once one of these new “horror clowns” shows up to bug you, for instance, you either stab them with a knife or wack them with a hammer. Well that’s how they’re doing it here in Germany. Hardy, har, har! Give me more!

Horror-Clown-Attacke: Junge wehrt sich mit “Hammer Gottes.”

German Of The Day: Schwerbehindert

That means severely disabled. You know, like 10 percent of the German population?

Scam

Huh? I know what you’re thinking, but it’s true. No, I’m not thinking it’s just another big scam (I know it is). I’m thinking how could it only be just 10 percent?

Schwerbehindert sind laut Statistik Menschen, denen die Versorgungsämter einen Grad der Behinderung von mindestens 50 Prozent zuerkennen und die einen gültigen Ausweis haben.

 

Halloween Approaching Fast

Now that all the clown costumes for Halloween in Germany appear to be sold out, maybe German U-boat commander costumes might do the trick.

Sub

According to the old tale, the U-boat commander — Capt. Gunther Krech — said the submarine had been cruising on the surface of the water to recharge its batteries when a “strange beast” rose from the sea with “large eyes, set in a horny sort of skull.” Krech said the animal had a small head, but with “teeth that could be seen glistening in the moonlight,” according to a statement from Scottish Energy News. Scottish Power crews discovered the wreckage when surveying the seabed to lay a new power cable.

Pardon me, ma’am. Do you have any sea monster suits in my size?

Germany Leaps Forward Again

In the saving the world game, I mean.

Unsinn

And here you thought the Germans shutting down their nuclear power plants after an accident in Japan was hardcore enough (and it was). Now they’re going to outlaw internal combustion engines (albeit not until the year 2030).

Amazing Scheiße, I find. It does make me wonder what they’re going to be outlawing next, however. I would have bet on the wheel but it’ll be pretty much taken care of as soon as the internal combustion engines go so I’m now going to put my money on fire itself. Do you have any idea how much CO2 cooking your food releases into the atmosphere? Me neither, but you can be sure that it’s way too much. At least in Germany.

Being a subscriber to Mad Magazine, when I first saw the title of this article at Gizmodo recently, I assumed I’d mixed up my bookmarks and gone to the wrong site. “German Lawmakers Vote to Ban the Internal Combustion Engine.” Oh, come on, man. That can’t be right, can it? The home of some of the higher performance engines in the history of fine cars can’t seriously be talking about this, can they? Well color me embarrassed because, with a few caveats, it turned out to be true.

Hitler Face A Real Hit

Everybody is talking about it or something. It only comes out at night. And Halloween is still a full month away.

Hitler

The huge Hitler face triggered a police call out after a stunned motorist was among dozens to ring in to say: ‘I have seen a gigantic Hitler projected on to a building at Leipziger Platz.’

It turned out the beaming dictator was projected on to the wall as part of the Berlin Light art festival which draws two million visitors from around the world, and Hitler forms part of the programme.  

Am Leipziger Platz leuchtet ihnen ein übergroßer Adolf Hitler entgegen. Er rollt die Augen und lacht dabei irre.

Plans Already Well Underway For Next Year’s Last Place Eurovision Showing

For Germany, I mean.

ESC

German producer Stefan Raab has already developed a so-called Vorentscheid or preliminary decision show to let German Eurovision fans experience up close and personal and far in advance just which German act will fall flat on its face in 2017.

A jury of representatives from the German music business has already been selected that will in turn select one unlucky winner to represent the Federal Republic during the international TV song competition as it is systematically shamed, disgraced and humiliated for the third year running at least.

Versteht nur Stefan Raab den ESC?