Germans Have Chutzpah, Too

Jew got to hand it to this guy.

Jew

A 71-year-old chairman of the small Jewish community in the city of Pinneberg in the German state of Schleswig-Holstein faces an accusation from the magazine Der Spiegel that he is not Jewish, deceiving Jewish members since 2003.

When confronted with this fact, the man went ballistic.

“Walter, come off it. You’re not even fucking Jewish.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You’re fucking Polish Catholic.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia!”

“Yeah, and you were divorced five fucking years ago.”

“Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver’s license? Stop being Jewish?”

“It’s just part of your whole sick Cynthia thing. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You’re living in the fucking past.”

“Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax, YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT I’M LIVING IN THE PAST!”

Der gefühlte Jude.

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Alien Crop Circle Discovered In Prackenbach

That’s in Germany.

AfD

Actually, it’s in Bavaria. But still.

And it’s not really an alien crop circle, either. It’s more like an alien cross. It’s a strange geometrical figure and ancient religious icon most likely stemming from the cultures of Eurasia where it remains a symbol of divinity and spirituality in Indian and East Asian religions, to be exact.

So I guess this crop circle didn’t come from outer space after all. It’s also made of manure. That, too, is pretty weird and strange. And the letters “AfD” are also clearly visible next to it. Nope, no alien would write those letters. Not even an illegal alien from outer space would do that, I suppose. This was the work of human beings. Human being artist types who use manure for their shitty works of art. This, too, is weird and strange. And eerie.

Aufregung in der kleinen niederbayerischen Gemeinde Prackenbach (knapp 3000 Einwohner)!

German Of The Day: Sitzfleisch (vs. Aussitzen)

Take Angela Merkel. Please.

Merkel

To have Sitzfleisch (sitting meat) means, on the one hand, to be able to sit still for the long periods of time required to be truly productive; it means the stamina to work through a difficult situation and see a project through to the end. On the other hand, it can also refer to someone who doesn’t know when to leave. You know, like the guest who won’t go home or the chancellor who won’t go home, either?

Aussitzen (sitting something out), however, is to deal with a difficult situation or crisis by not doing anything about it. That is, to just wait it out until it finally goes away – or until the person waiting it out claims that it has gone away. You know, what Angela Merkel and other politicians like her regularly do?

“German condenses what would take about seven or eight words in English into one particular word. The humour comes from the density of the word and the fact that it expresses something in such condensed form that we can’t get anywhere near.”

Riots? Havoc?

The Riots in Chemnitz and Their Aftermath.” Strange. I must live in another Germany than the one Der Spiegel is reporting about. I can’t find any serious reports about riots or havoc having taken place in Chemnitz. But what can you call “serious reports” these days, anyway?

Chemnitz

Maybe, just maybe, these riots and this havoc stuff is going on in another parallel universe we are all familiar with: The parallel universe of the Brain Police mind. As usual, the story one wants to tell depends entirely upon what one insists on looking at.

In Chemnitz, refugees find themselves under threat by neo-Nazis and hooligans. Politicians have pledged to take a hard line against right-wing extremist violence, but they look helpless nonetheless. Meanwhile, the right wing seems to have the upper hand in Saxony.

Ruhige Nacht in Chemnitz. (That means “peaceful night in Chemnitz,” as another report put it).

Germans Confused By Erdogan Statue

What’s there to be confused about? It’s a golden statue of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. In front of the fire department in freakin’ Wiesbaden, Germany. Or it least it used to be there.

Erdogan

The 4-meter (13-foot) statue of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had been erected in Wiesbaden on Monday much to the surprise and confusion of the residents of the southwestern German city.

The larger-than-life effigy installed in the city’s Platz der Deutschen Einheit (German Unity Square) depicts Erdogan with a raised right arm, a pose reminiscent of the famous statue of the late former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, which American forces tore down in 2003 during the Iraq invasion…

It was an art installation, part of the Wiesbaden Biennale for Contemporary Art, but was erected without the knowledge of city officials, a Wiesbaden spokesperson told German news agency dpa on Tuesday. This year’s art festival is taking place under the motto “bad news.”

“Wir haben eine Reihe von irritierten Bürgern, die bei uns anrufen. Es ist für viele nicht erkennbar, dass es im Rahmen der Biennale läuft.”

German Of The Day: Aktionskunst

That means performance art. And in one of the stupidist performances seen to date in Berlin, Greenpeace activists painted the streets around the Siegessäule (Victory Column) yellow. Greenpeace went yellow, in other words.

Greenpeace

They stole this idea from the ancient Egyptions, I believe, as they also worshipped the sun (it kind of looks like the sun, see?). The yellow paint, I think, representing, uh, sunlight or something and thus symbolizing, well, how the hell am I supposed to know what this symbolizes? Wait, I’ve got it now. It symbolizes just how awful coal-firng power plants can be for sun-worshiping Greenpeace Germans (yellow or not) and the rest of humanity for that matter and that they need to be shut down immediately or something. Big medicine, folks. Why didn’t somebody think of doing this before?

Die Berliner Polizei ermittelt gegen Aktivisten der Umweltorganisation Greenpeace – zum einen wegen gefährlichen Eingriffs in den Straßenverkehr, zum anderen wegen eines Verstoßes gegen das Versammlungsgesetz. Greenpeace hatte am Dienstagmorgen um 7.30 Uhr auf dem Großen Stern in Tiergarten gelbe Farbe ausgekippt, insgesamt 3500 Liter.

German Of The Day Same German Of The Day As Friday German Of The Day: Totgesagte Leben Länger

That means “those declared dead live longer” or there’s life in the old dog yet.

Kroos

Stayin’ alive is stayin’ alive. And it was quite a thing to see live.

Germany’s World Cup hopes were hanging by a thread as they stood level at 1-1 with Sweden, knowing a draw would make it very hard for them to advance out of Group F. Then Toni Kroos stepped up in the game’s dying minutes…

Make Deutschland Kroos again!

The Trouble With Diversity Is That It’s So Monotonous

Take Eurovision, for instance. Please.

Eurovision

And this competition is so rigged. At least it was this year. It had to have been. Germany didn’t get last place.

Israel’s win at 529 points was followed by Eleni Foureira from Cyprus in second place (436 points). Austria (342 points) ranked third, Germany (340 points) came fourth and Italy (308 points) fifth. The other countries in the top ten, in descending order, were the Czech Republic, Sweden, Estonia, Denmark and Moldova.

 

German Of The Day: Klartext

That means straight talk.

And that’s the kind of talk Angela Merkel was talking today when she said at the German Catholic Congress in Munster: “If everybody does whatever he feels like doing then that is bad news for the world.”

Klartext

She was referring, of course, to her reckless, emotion-driven, unilateral and illegal decision to provide refuge to anybody and everybody coming from Syria or anywhere else (provided they don’t have any identification papers on them), this having led to the ongoing refugee crisis in Germany and the rest of Europe.

Oh, oops! Sorry. Actually she was referring to Donald Trump’s decision to withdraw from the Iran nuclear deal. But, I dunno, same difference.

“Wenn jeder macht, worauf er Lust hat, ist das eine schlechte Nachricht für die Welt.”