Germany Tough Now On China?

Sure they are. And I’ve got some swamp land in Florida I can offer you for next to nothing.

China

The Germans are bought and they know it.

Merkel’s China Reset Is Mostly Hollow – As the engine of German export growth, the destination of $100 billion worth of German goods last year, and Germany’s biggest overall trading partner, China is not just a large and profitable market. Germans see China as the mechanism for sustaining the only prolonged era of domestic harmony their country has ever known.

“Fascist” Just Doesn’t Work Anymore

I know. Why don’t we give “QAnon” a try?

QAnon

It is, after all, “the most dangerous cult of our times.”

Traditionally weak in the argument department, those of the leftist fringe normally call those who don’t agree with them “racists,” “Nazis,” “bigots” or “Fascists,” to name a few, but now their marketing department has discovered that these insults just don’t have the customer appeal they once enjoyed. This is they have now introduced a new product: “QAnon.” Guaranteed to to bludgeon thought criminals into line every time. At least until the next product comes along.

QAnon’s Inexorable Spread Beyond the U.S. – The bizarre, pro-Trump cult known as QAnon has been gaining followers in the United States for months. Now, the conspiracy theory has begun spreading to Germany. It’s followers believe that the coronavirus is a weapon of the elite in their quest to enslave the world.

Time To Start The Next Berlin Airlift

Only this time it will be migrants flown directly to Berlin – where they could be evenly distrubuted among needy, migrant-free German families all accross the country. It’s just a plan of mine, I admint, but still.

Guilt

More going it alone (again) is the way to go, Germany. We get it. You can’t help it. And it’s not like anyone else in Europe is interested in your guilt neurosis. My plan would solve everybody’s problems. Whoever wants to come to Europe gets a free ride to Germany for a free lunch German life later and the German guilt obsession would be cured for good. Not.

Thousands of people demonstrated Sunday in Berlin and other German cities, urging the European Union to take in migrants left without shelter after a fire destroyed their biggest camp in Greece. The EU is set to unveil proposals this week on how to help the 12,000 people left without shelter.

“We have space.”

German Of The Day: Zigeunersauce

You may think that the rest of the world hates us, my fellow Americans – and indeed they do – but they also blindly copy anything and everything braindead we do.

Sauce

Take Zigeunersauce, for instance. That means “Gypsy sauce.” And because the word Gypsy, like the names Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima and yada, yada you get where I’m going with this, is one of those names we do not speak unless we are racists, it can no longer be used as a product name here in good-old Germany. The firm Knorr will now be calling their racist Gypsy sauce Hungarian-Style Bell Pepper Sauce instead.

“Same great taste, half the racism!”

In ein paar Wochen finden Sie diese als „Paprikasauce Ungarische Art“ im Regal.

 

Your Flight From 2012 Is Now Ready For Boarding

What do you mean? Berlin’s party joke phantom airport may be opening after all?

Airport

Too bad I didn’t keep our plane tickets from 2012 as souvenirs. They showed us departing from Los Angeles (LAX) and arriving at Berlin Brandenburg Airport (BER), which was just about to open. But the launch, already delayed the previous year, was again called off at the last minute. So we landed instead at the charming but small Tegel airport (TXL) that dates back to the early Cold War…

To pessimists, BER symbolizes Germany’s bad developments. Its highly publicized bureaucratic and engineering fiascoes have dented the country’s former reputation — not always entirely flattering — of being relentlessly meticulous and punctual. The subtext is that Germany, whether it’s building airports or algorithms, is increasingly leaving economic dynamism to others, especially China.

To optimists, this too is part of Germany’s long historical arc to “normality.” Germans today are more relaxed about their national identity and place in the world than they’ve ever been. That explains why they’ve also been nonchalant about BER’s travails. The truth is, many Germans have secretly been savoring the airport headlines as a font of gossip. Many an awkward dinner party has been saved by boozy debates about whether humans would set foot on Mars before disembarking at BER, or whether it would be more cost-effective to rebuild the capital near a working airport.

Germans Lousy Cooks Too

“We’ve known for years that cooking competence has drastically declined in Germany,” somebody told some news agency somewhere. “But sheesh. These losers can’t cook diddly-squat. I’ve never cooked diddly-squat myself either. But still.”

Cooks

Coronavirus pandemic reveals Germans’ poor cooking skills – Germans reliance on fast food and pre-cooked meals has left them with limited culinary skills when they need them most, a food industry group said. But Germans are flocking to supermarkets and rediscovering cookbooks.

“Now people stand in supermarkets and ask themselves, ‘OK how do I make a burger myself?'”

Corona Spares Audience Annual Lola Award Ordeal

There are rays of hope out there, if you just look.

Lola

German Film Awards to Go Ahead Without Audience Amid Coronavirus – Instead of canceling the Lolas, the German equivalent of the Oscars, the local film industry has decided to do a live broadcast of the awards on April 24 without the usual gala.

Thanks, German film gala Volk. German audiences have suffered enough.