Tag Archives: Language

“Thank you for travelling with Deutsche Bahn”

September 13, 2010 By in Habitudes, Helplessness Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

And now, for the rest of you out there rolling your eyes at the conductor’s English, he’ll start speaking your lingo again. And he won’t have to sound so friendly-like all the time either.

Everyone is relieved it seems (me included) at the Bahn’s plan to reduce the number of their annoying announcements – in English. They will now only be, uh, announcing them on trains and at stations where international travellers are more likely to be (so they can better figure out together what the hell it was the announcer just said?). They won’t be talking English at folks on trains going to Kleksdorf or Entenhausen anymore, in other words.

It’s not so much that these folks don’t always speak English that well you know, it’s just that they won’t stop speaking it. Back to the future, I say – I mean past, at last.

Eingeführt hatte der bundeseigene Konzern die englischen Durchsagen – über deren Aussprache sich manch ein Passagier auch amüsierte – auf Schienen und an größeren Stationen 2006 zur Fußball-Weltmeisterschaft in Deutschland.

A language of ideas?

February 25, 2010 By in High Art, History Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

German? Whose idea was that? Keine Ahnung. A language of ideas maybe, but not of very much action.

Anyways, according to man-spricht-Deutsch-Guido Westerwelle, German “is the key to more than 350 German universities and colleges, to Europe’s largest economy. It grants access to German literature, music, philosophy, and science, to the wealth of great European cultural traditions and, not least, it is the key to realizing one’s own goals and ideas.”

That’s true, I guess. Sort of. But let’s be honest, Guido. German is also the key to more than 350 German universities and colleges that nobody wants to attend, it grants access to German literature that nobody wants to read anymore, to German music that, well OK (the old stuff was pretty good) and to German philosophy that’s not much more than high speed mysticism if you ask me (which you’re not). I don’t know what German science is so I’ll just assume that it’s really cool. And if you have to learn German just to know what your own goals and ideas are, then they’re probably not worth knowing in the first place. But maybe that’s just me.

“In Deutschland ist es üblich, dass man Deutsch spricht.”

Who remembers the Uncola?

January 19, 2010 By in Habitudes Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Well the Germans have an Unword, so there. Only they call it Unwort. And this year’s winner (they really mean loser) is Betriebsrastverseucht (works council (think unions)  contaminated).

How shocking or something. This is a real “sprachlicher Tiefpunkt” (linguistic low point), man. Talk about being politically incorrect. Who could ever get the idea that works councils in Germany could ever possibly contaminate anything? Whether they wanted to or not, I mean. Other than the general mood, I mean, which is always pretty lousy here to begin with anyway so like who cares? Just stop and think about it: If there weren’t any work councils here, uh, there wouldn’t be any works councils here. And that would lead to, uh, well, further or even real contamination. The whole nation would become contaminated, so-to-speak. You know, a contamination.

So clean up your act and stop using awful Unwords like that. These are not cola nuts. They`re the other kind.

Die Wahrnehmung von Arbeitnehmerinteressen als Seuche zu bezeichnen, sei ein sprachlicher Tiefpunkt im Umgang mit Lohnabhängigen.

Obama doesn’t mispronounce nuclear

April 8, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: 3 Comments

But he does think that Austrian is a language. Funny how things like that don’t matter anymore, don’t you think? Well they don’t over here. But, then again, Germans don’t speak Austrian, either. They’re just less apologetic about it.

 

“If you read FactCheck.org (or have ears and a brain) it is apparent that Mr. Obama makes just as many mistakes/tell lies as the dearly departed Mr. Bush. Is there a point at which you expect the naive, bright-eyed young things that voted for Mr. Obama to transition into becoming mean, angry cynics like me? If so, when will this occur? Or am I mistakenly assuming these kids are even paying attention anymore?”

 

“I don’t speak Austrian.”