German Of The Day: Nichtwähler

That means non-voters.

Non-voter

And who do German non-voters vote for? Die Partei, of course.

Twelve straight years of Angela Merkel have left politics feeling a little dry for young people in Germany. But now a satirical party is experiencing a surge in popularity after it was set up as a joke at the expense of the old system…

In the last few months the party has seen its membership swell to reach more than 25,000, just shy of the 26,000 members of the rising and much-publicised extreme-right party Alternative fur Deutschland (AfD), which is expected to enter parliament for the first time this year.

Nichtwähler wählen: Die Partei.

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German Of The Day: Certainly Not Here

Not in this English newspaper.

Sun

It’s kind of German, I guess. But it’s certainly not very kind to the German language.

Es ist Zeit für die Erwachsenen, Angela Merkel und Emmanuel Macron, die Verhandlungsführer durch den Hals zu ergreifen und Sie zu stoppen verschwenden Zeit mit Punkt-Scoring. Das ist zu wichtig.

A pro-Brexit editorial written in German has a problem: It’s literally gibberish.

Germans Higher Than You Thought They Were

I mean Germany is. Higher.

Index

No. not that kind of high. Actually, yes. Precisely that kind of high. But Germany is also highest when it comes to something called the Quality of Nationality Index.

Consistently securing the top spot for the last six years, Germany scored 82.7% out of a possible 100% on the index – the first of its kind to objectively rank the value of every nationality of the world in terms of legal status in which to develop your talents and business. The global mean in 2016 was 39.32%, with Afghanistan sitting at the bottom of the index with a score of 14.6%…

The US, meanwhile, ranked only 29th on the QNI with a score of 68.8% — mainly due to its relatively low Settlement Freedom compared to nationalities of the EU Member States, and its weak showing on the Peace and Stability element of the index.

So, getting back to that other kind of high… Now I know why everybody wants to come here.

German Of The Day: PARTEI

PARTEI officially stands for “Partei für Arbeit, Rechtsstaat, Tierschutz, Elitenförderung und basisdemokratische Initiative,” or “Work, Rule of Law, Animal Protection, Elite Promotion, and grass-roots democratic Initiative.”

Partei

Finally, a political party for the rest of us. I mean, you.

“If it doesn’t matter to you who sits in the Bundestag, wouldn’t it be great to be represented by someone who could care less that he does sit there?”

What I like about a satirical party like the Party is that its meaninglessness, as compared to the meaninglessness of a number of serious political parties here, has a meaning.

As for its campaign goals, Die Partei’s election manifesto is replete with meaningless political platitudes pushed to the edge of absurdity: “Die Partei supports the implementation of all-encompassing, universal, total justice, at least twice as much justice as the SPD (Social Democratic Party). Any complaints about supposed injustices will be suppressed with the utmost force.”

„Wenn es dir egal ist, wer im Bundestag sitzt, wäre es dann nicht schön von jemandem vertreten zu werden, dem es egal ist, dass er im Bundestag sitzt?“

Germany Wants Code Of Ethics For Driverless Cars?

Why? What a complete waste of time and money. Driverless cars could only be more ethical than the ones with drivers in them. At least here they would be.

Car

Here are just a few of the new ethical rules self-driving cars are going to have to follow once they are introduced in Germany:

1. No tailgating any closer than six inches while you’re doing 180 or higher on the Autobahn.

2. No pointing repeatedly to your non-existent head screaming at the top of your non-existent lungs about what a bunch of insufferable idiots all these other cars with drivers in them are.

3. No fist fighting over parking spaces because you don’t have any fists, you big dummy. Just run over the guy and that space is yours.

4. In “dilemma situations” when a crash is imminent, do not prioritize a human’s potential worth based on age, gender, race, physical attributes or political affiliation as all humans are equally worthless in the end.

5. If a collision is unavoidable be sure to have a little fun on your way out by making it a really, really big collision. Any human who survives is going to win in court anyway.

“All humans are considered equal for the poruposes of harm minimisation.”

And They Speak Such Funny Englisch, Too

“It drives me up the wall the way waiters in Berlin restaurants only speak English,” one popular German politician has recently been quoted as saying. In Berlin. In German.

English

And I couldn’t agree more. Although the German government may have made it compulsory for asylum seekers to learn German, this rule unfortunately does not apply to EU residents and others who have come here to live and work and, well, it’s understandable that some Germans are mad as hell about it and aren’t going to take it anymore.

The English these waiters speak, you see, is often done so by natives (UK folks, Canadians, Australians, even the occasional US-Amerikaner or two) and therefore practically impossible for most Germans to understand.

“Vat do they mean with ‘coming right up’ or ‘you bet?’ Vat does betting have to do wis my order? If zhey are going to speak zheir language here zhey should at least have the decency to do so properly, verdammt nochmal!”

Germans are too relaxed on the issue and that it would never happen in Paris.

The Mainstream Press Said No

The German literary establishment unanimously denounced it, too. It is a bad book. Bad book! It is a bad book of essays attacking said media/establishment – and the German government – for not taking citizens’ concerns about migrants seriously. Finis Germania has effectively been banned, in other words.

Book

This is not so terribly interesting, right? I agree. But what is interesting here is that the ban has turned Finis Germania into a bestseller. What does that tell us about what is really going on in Germany today? Down here were the little people live, I mean.

Don’t worry, though. This could never happen in your country, folks. Or could it?

Through its blind embrace of Angela Merkel’s open door to Middle Eastern migrants, the German media has lost the trust of a whole section of the German public. When the press calls something extreme, many no longer listen.

“What happens when the majority of Germans lose confidence and trust in mainstream leaders? Many of the Germans becoming disillusioned with mainstream politics and turning to these groups are not hardcore neo-Nazis. They don’t want to persecute the migrants or see them imprisoned, beaten up or killed. … They are concerned about Germany’s future. But Angela Merkel’s government refuses to give serious attention to these concerns and refuses to tell the truth about the impact the migrants are having and will have on the nation.”

Denn wer Antisemit ist, bestimmt der „Spiegel

Schulz Effect Now Tropical Depression Schulz

Only we’re not in the tropics here.

Schulz

And down, down, down they go. Germany’s Social Democrats (SPD) keep losing ground in the polls just weeks ahead of the country’s parliamentary election. They have now reached what they call the vor-Schulz-Tief or pre-Schulz-low before the legendary, if not mythical medial Schulz effect kicked in when he announced his candidacy. Well, at least he’s not an alien. Having the media on your side doesn’t always help, folks. Not here in Germany, either, I mean.

The Greens have seen better days themselves. Some of the Green rats have even begun jumping ship.

„Die spannende Entscheidung ist der Platz drei. Daran zeigt sich, welche Botschaft von der Bundestagswahl ausgeht. Für die Grünen sind alle, die ihre Meinungen nicht teilen, dumm, von gestern oder böse. Diese Überheblichkeit ist nicht nur nervtötend, sondern auch eine Gefahr für den Wohlstand, wenn Technologien zum Feindbild gemacht werden.“

 

“Systematically Lied To By The Media?”

What? They do that here, too?

Refugees

German media were too uncritical in their coverage of the 2015 refugee crisis, giving Angela Merkel’s open-door policy a free pass and failing to represent the legitimate concerns of ordinary people alarmed by the influx, a new study has found...

It said newspapers made no attempt to differentiate between rightwing radicals and ordinary people who were left feeling politically insecure or marginalized by the refugee influx. Instead of critical reporting, journalists had merely “adopted the viewpoint and also the slogans of the political elite…”

The report said Willkommenskultur became a kind of “magic word” used by certain sections of the media to turn ordinary people into good Samaritans and encourage them to carry out acts of kindness towards newcomers…

A recent poll by the University of Mainz, cited in the study, found that 55 per cent of those asked felt “systematically lied to by the media.” Some 26 per cent agreed with the statement that “the media and politicians work hand in hand to manipulate public opinion.”

War die nachrichtliche Berichterstattung über die Flüchtlingskrise zu einseitig?

People* Now Slashing Ambulance Tires In Germany

While the ambulance crew is trying to save somebody’s life, I mean. People (* see secret code for people here) can be that way.

Ambulane

I was giving this some thought the other day and I think this type of stuff all comes down to loyalty. I know, that’s an awful word to say and it leaves a bad taste in your mouth (like tradition, country, family) but, in the end, people are generally loyal to something “higher up” and behave accordingly. The type of loyalty these particular people have has nothing to do with loyalty to a country or to the laws of a country, however, and certainly not to the country or laws of Germany. You can tell this by the way they dress and the way they shave. This loyalty has to with something higher up in the religious sense. And please note here: This is all the more evident once you realize that the “good people” in this group refuse to bring the “bad people” in this group in line. They too are loyal to that same thing in the end. It is dilemma. That’s the nice word for it, however.

PS: Some people in Berlin who have tried to open a “liberal mosque” have gotten over 100 death threats from other people. People will be people, people.