The Patron Saint Of What?

A German cathedral has dug out from a treasure chamber its collection of remains of St. Corona, the little-known Christian martyr who has been purported to be the patron saint of resisting epidemics.

Corona

But now nobody can admire Corona because of Corona.

The Aachen Cathedral had already been planning before the coronavirus outbreak to showcase the remains and an elaborate shrine to the saint as part of an exhibit of gold craftsmanship, according to Reuters.

But it has now accelerated its plans after the pandemic began sweeping across the globe — though it remains unclear when people will be able to visit the display amid strict restrictions on public gatherings.

Thanks, Party Folk

Or Volk, if you prefer. Thanks to you a total Corona lockdown is virtually assured now.

Corona

Confusion, defiance and parties in the park: A postcard from Berlin under coronavirus lockdown – Police had to break up several so-called “Corona Parties” on Monday evening, where hundreds of students had bought cases of Corona beer and gathered in parks.

In Berlin zum Beispiel sind die Clubs zwar geschlossen, trotzdem treffen sich viele Jugendliche einfach in Parks zum gemeinsamen Trinken.

How Do You Tittelate An Ocelot?

No, not that kind of an ocelot. The German Ozelot mobile air defense missile system kind of ocelot.

Ocelot

Why would you want to? Just buy an old Bundeswehr laptop on eBay for $100 that includes classified Ozelot instructions and proceed to destroy the damned thing.

VS-Nur für den Dienstgebrauch.

German Of The Day: Reiche Erschießen

That means “shoot the rich.”

Nothing new, of course. But it is kind of odd that we are hearing this suggestion TODAY and that it’s coming from a member of a “harmless” political party German voters routinely turn a blind eye to – a blind left eye, by the way: The Left Party. You know, the successor party of the East German Communist SED? It is currently forming state governments all over the Mystical German East as we speak, by the way.

“The energy turnaround is also necessary after a revolution. And even after we’ve shot that one percent of the rich it will still be the case that we will need to heat our homes, that we will need a means of transportation.”

“Energiewende ist auch nötig nach einer Revolution. Und auch wenn wir das eine Prozent der Reichen erschossen haben, ist es immer noch so, dass wir heizen wollen, wir wollen uns fortbewegen.”

“Complete Neutrality Outweighs Religious Freedom”

Uh-oh. The Brain Police let this one get through. We’re going to get letters.

Scarves

Muslim law clerks CAN be ordered to remove head scarfs in court because ‘complete neutrality’ outweighs religious freedom, German judges rule – Judges in Germany have told a Muslim law clerk that she can be prevented from wearing a head scarf during court proceedings.

Germany’s highest bench, the Federal Constitutional Court, ruled that the judiciary’s obligation to complete neutrality outweighed her freedom of religion rights…

Civil servants and police officers have already been banned from wearing the niqab, burka or hijab or any religious symbol, but this has not previously extended to members of the public.

Kopftuchverbot für Rechtsreferendarinnen ist verfassungsgemäß.

Can It Get Any More Evil Than This?

Or sacrilegious? Or blasphemous even?

Naomi Seibt

Somebody called Naomi Seibt is desecrating Greta’s media image. She’s being hyped as the “Anti-Greta” and is, well, you know, trying to hijack Greta’s hype. Out-freakin’-rageous if you ask me. Is nothing sacred anymore? She’s German, you know. That pretty much explains it all. If you get what I’m saying.

I’m sure Greta is a nice girl and I would love to have a conversation with her. I just believe that there is a giant network of people behind her who are out to make a profit. I don’t want to be the marionette of the opposing side, I’m not Naomi at the head of the right-wingers. I just question all the propaganda and the hysteria and reach my own conclusions.

Greta ist bestimmt ein nettes Mädchen und ich würde mich gerne mit ihr persönlich unterhalten. Ich glaube einfach, dass hinter ihr ein grosses Netzwerk steht aus Menschen, die durch sie profitieren wollen. Ich möchte nicht die Marionette der gegnerischen Seite sein, ich bin nicht die Naomi an der Spitze der Rechten. Ich hinterfrage die ganze Propaganda und Hysterie und ziehe meine eigenen Schlüsse.

“Adapting” Standards

It’s not just in the United States that standards in education must remain, uh, flexible.

Idiocracy

Germany has to keep adapting its standards too. Take Germany’s federal cops. Please.

Germany to lower language requirements for federal police recruits – Facing a shortage of recruits, authorities have reportedly had to “adapt” their standards for the current generation.

In a bid to fill thousands of new positions this year, Germany’s federal police (Bundespolizei) has lowered requirements for recruits, according to a media report published Monday.

The newspapers of the Funke Media Group reported on the changes, noting that physical fitness requirements as well as the language level in exams have been changed.

“We must adapt to the societal changes of young people with relation to the mental and physical requirements for the police profession.”

German Word Of The Day: Unwort

That means un-word or taboo word. Which brings us to the German un-word of the year 2019: Klimahysterie.

Hysteria

That means “climate hysteria” (ín German it’s one word).

A “language critical” jury has selected climate hysteria as the taboo word of the year 2019. The rationale behind the decision is that it “slanders the climate protection movement and its efforts.”

Yes, as a matter of fact it does. But this wasn’t a “political critical” decision, it was a “language critical” one, right? The Brain Police are everywhere, people. Everywhere, I tell you…

Eine sprachkritische Jury hat “Klimahysterie” zum Unwort des Jahres 2019 gekürt, Ausdruck würden “Klimaschutzbemühungen und die Klimaschutzbewegung diffamiert und Debatten diskreditiert”, hieß es zur Begründung.

East Germans Should Stop Moaning Like East Germans

And learn to moan more like us West Germans do.

East

German political grandee Wolfgang Schäuble on Saturday said the country should recognize the huge social upheaval the eastern states have experienced since reunification. But he also warned eastern Germans that they should show more self-confidence and less cynicism.

The West German lack of self-confidence and its deep-seated victim culture are much more refined, he did not add, and its particular brand of cynicism is leagues more schooled and sophisticated than the cynicism in the East. You could learn a whole lot from us so get on with it already, he did not say either.

“Some maintain their own victim status, instead of confidently pointing out their valuable experience in adapting to massive social upheaval, compared to the West.”

What’s The Password?

To get your password? And where’s your passport? How do we know you’re you?

Password

German University Forced to Hand Out 38,000 Passwords in Person – Password resets are usually pretty straightforward. But a university in Germany is requiring every student to line up and personally pick up their passwords for the school’s email system following a malware attack.

The University of Giessen is making the odd request because the school is a member of a German research network with strict rules. As a result, the university must follow legal requirements that ensure the new passwords are handed to the real owner, and not someone else, it explained in a notice.

“There is no alternative to this procedure.”