Ninjas Not Allowed In School

I meant niqabs, of course (I always mix those two up for some reason).

Veil

A Muslim woman who had been accepted to night school in Osnabrück showed up for class wearing a niqab. When asked to remove it she refused and was subsequently expelled. She then went to court to fight the decision but didn’t bother to show up for a court appointment set to help clarify the matter. The court has now decided in favor of the school.

The whole thing is very schleierhaft, if you ask me. You know, “veiled in mystery?”

Eine Muslima, die an einem Osnabrücker Abendgymnasium mit einem Gesichtsschleier am Unterricht teilnehmen wollte, ist vor Gericht gescheitert.

PS: In a related story, you can now pick up pepper spray at one of Germany’s popular drugstore chains. Supply and demand and the invisible hand. Capitalism is a wonderful thing, folks.

Would Kilgore Trout Tell A Lie?

It’s special ebook offer time again already, folks. Deal with it.

Dumb Deutsch

Dumb Deutsch: Absurd German Language Errors (auch für deutsche Leser geeignet)

Also at iTunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, etc. For a limited time only or something.

“Very funny book, relating dumb things people say while trying out their high school German. Laughing so hard at my normally quiet workplace I had tears in my eyes, my boss walked by and asked if I was OK. Oh yeah! She has a great sense of humor with an eye toward languages. Buy this book and laugh yourself silly!”

Kilgore Trout

German Intelligence At Its Best

I mean like that spy kind of intelligence intelligence, you know what I mean?

Sleepeer Cell

A top official at Bavaria’s department of the Office for the Protection of the Constitution has gone way out on a limb and said that ISIS sleepers “may have arrived as refugees” in Germany. “We have irrefutable evidence that there is an ISIS command structure that makes an attack in Germany highly possible.”

He also said in a later comment that “The risk is abstract, but very high that the Pope is a Catholic.”

“Das Risiko ist zwar abstrakt, aber sehr hoch. Wir müssen akzeptieren, dass wir Hit-Teams und Schläferzellen auch hier in Deutschland haben.”

German Of The Day: Butt and Fuchs

Butt is a short form for halibut (although in this case it’s just somebody’s name). Fuchs means fox. Not like anybody cares here.

Butt

Linus Butt and Florian Fuchs were part of a German team that destroyed their Canadian opponents 6-2 in a group stage fixture on Saturday in Rio de Janeiro.

Footage shows the two men standing standing with their backs to the camera during the game with the surnames on their shirts side-by-side.

But Twitter immediately reacted with one user, Kris Kristensen, posting the image along with the caption: ‘This one’s for the 12 year old in all of us.’

Neanderthals Back In Germany

Neanderthals once populated the entire European continent. Around 45,000 years ago, Homo neanderthalensis was the predominant human species in Europe. They reached their population peak right before their population rapidly declined and they eventually became extinct.

Neanderthal

Or so it was thought until recently.

Ax

Precisely why this species will finally die out for good is still unclear. Perhaps it will be due to low genetic diversity, perhaps to the rise of Homo sapiens like the rest of us with real brains. This question will continue to occupy amateur scientists like myself for some time to come.

German Of The Day: Negerkuss

That means “negro kiss” and is a somewhat antiquated name for a popular chocolate covered marshmallow here.

Negerkuss

And using this name can get you fired in this highly sensitive, politically correct day and age we are forced to live in, too. A manager who works at the tour operator Thomas Cook just found that out.

It didn’t matter that no offense was intended when he ordered one of these things at the company cafeteria – from a black employee to boot – the company acted as it was expected to act and fired this otherwise irreproachable employee of ten years without notice.

Den Thomas-Cook-Mitarbeiter jedenfalls hat die drastische Reaktion des Unternehmens auf den Eklat in der Kantine erschüttert. Er zog vors Frankfurter Arbeitsgericht – und bekam dort Recht. Da der unbescholtene Mann aus dem mittleren Management mehr als zehn Jahre ohne Beanstandungen gearbeitet habe, sei ohne vorherige Abmahnung weder eine außerordentliche fristlose noch eine ordentliche Kündigung gerechtfertigt, befand das Arbeitsgericht.

Can I Just Grab Your Crotch Instead?

Teachers in Germany have set off a national controversy after they boycotted their own school’s leavers’ ceremony in protest at a Muslim pupil who refused to shake hands with a female member of staff.

Hamburg

“We are considering how we can send a signal that we do not tolerate such behavior.”

German Of The Day: Under-reported

OK. That’s English. But still.

Under-reported

Authorities now say that more than 1,200 women were sexually assaulted across Germany that night, including about 400 in Hamburg and more than 600 in Cologne, by more than 2,000 men. Previous estimates had ranged in the dozens, both for the victims as well as suspects.

About half of the 120 suspects whose identity has been established had come to Germany from a foreign countries within the last years.

Uhm… Why was it under-reported? I mean, what could possibly be the reason for doing so? Does anyone know?  I’m just asking.

“There is a connection between the emergence of this phenomenon and the rapid migration in 2015.”

A Deal Is A Deal

And boy oh boy what a great deal did Iran ever make.

Deal

Iran continued trying to illegally procure nuclear equipment from Germany after forging last year’s landmark nuclear agreement with world powers, German intelligence officials said, even as the Foreign Ministry in Berlin and the White House played down the reports…

Germany’s intelligence agency said in its annual report Iran’s persistent efforts to illegally acquire nuclear technology in Germany continued at a “high level” during 2015.

A separate report from the intelligence agency in the state of North Rhine-Westphalia this week said it had registered 141 attempts to acquire technology for proliferation purposes last year, and that two-thirds of these attempts were linked to Iran.

Thanks El Presidente! They couldn’t have done it without you.

“We have no information to indicate Iran has procured any materials in violation of the” deal, a senior Obama administration official said.

Germans Pulling For France In Tonight’s Semi-Final

That’s tonight’s France versus Germany match, folks.

France

“Of course there is more at stake than football. France is feeling its economic weakness and it must look on enviously as the whole of Europe becomes more German.”

“A victory over Germany would be far more than a game won. It would be an act of liberation… A strengthened France helps Europe and the Germans.”

“One heart says France has suffered enough, so many dead from terrorism, the economy is in decline, 10 percent unemployment. France needs some solace.”

I haven’t read otherwise so I’m going to go way out on the limb here and bet you that the French are pulling for France tonight, too.

Die Deutschen selbstbewusst, mit einer seit Langem bewährten Führung, erfolgsverwöhnt nach einschneidenden Reformen, die jetzt schon über ein Jahrzehnt zurückliegen. Also: Klinsmann gleich Schröder und Löw gleich Merkel. Die Franzosen hingegen verunsichert und krisenbelastet, mit einer seit vielen Jahren erfolglosen Führung ohne klare Linie. Ihr heutiger Trainer Didier Deschamps, wie Präsident François Hollande seit 2012 im Amt, wechselt so beständig die Systeme auf dem Platz wie sein Präsident die politische Taktik im Élysée-Palast.

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