You’ll do it my way

December 16, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness Tags: Berlin, EU, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 4 Comments

Or it’s the highway. Does that summit up enough for you, Freunde?

Let us sing.

And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain

No, wait. This verse is better.

Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention

No, maybe this one instead.

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you know
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

“The defiant stand came as Moody’s issued a downgrade warning on Spain owing to “high refinancing needs in 2011″ and the risk of further bank bail-outs.”

It’s passé, José

December 12, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Cancun, Climate Change, German, Germans, Germany, Global warming, Humor, Satire 8 Comments

Remember when hysterical warnings about the approaching climate catastrophe used to be en vogue here in Germany? You remember, long, long ago. Like during that near-snowed-out UN climate summit held in Copenhagen last year? That’s all passé now, for some inexplicable reason. And I, for one, really miss all the brouhaha.

The media here barely even bothered to cover the latest doomed UN climate summit, this time held in Cancun, Mexico, I think. The little coverage you could find was so drab, so pragmatic, so, I don’t know, so businesslike, it put you right to sleep. Well it did me.

Like where did all the fire go? Not a single riot anywhere. Where’s all the hybris and the hype? Whatever happened to those drowning polar bears and ticking clocks and time bombs and other highly dramatic life and death symbolic scenarios (scenario symbolics?)? Sure, I know, time has actually run out for us already. Copenhagen was the last chance (or was it Kyoto?), and yet the snow, I mean show must still go on, mustn’t it? But what do we get now? Now all anybody wants to talk about are emission certificates. Emission certificates and business opportunities. Pitiful. I remember when our planet’s future used to be at stake. Now the only thing at stake is “multilateralism.” Boooring.

Mad? You bet I’m mad, mister. It’s disgusting, I tell ya. I’m disillusioned (have you been dis-illusioned yet?). It’s freakin’ UN climate summits like these that give global warming a bad name.

“Climate change itself is changing — from an existential danger to civilization into an opportunity for profit.”

Talk to the hand

December 8, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness Tags: Berlin, E-Bonds, EU, Eurozone, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 1 Comment

“They are rejecting an idea before studying it.” What else is new, Jean-Claude? Remember Iraq? The Germans said no to that before even being asked.

Eurogroup chairman Jean-Claude Juncker “launched a blistering attack” on Germany for its flat refusal to even consider his proposal to create eurozone bonds (“E-Bonds” would help weaker eurozone members raise money). He called the Germans “un-European.” Ouch. It doesn’t get much lower than that, people. Unless it’s “un-Southern European” maybe. Lower, get it?

Too bad he mixed up Merkel & Co. with somebody who gives a Scheiße. Just get used to it, Jean-Claude. And you just keep raising your hand as often as you like.

“This is very strange. This way of creating taboo areas in Europe and not dealing with others’ ideas is a very un-European way of dealing with European matters.”

Westerwelle in Iraq: “We want to send a signal”

December 5, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iraq, Satire Leave a comment

And the signal is: We think it’ll be safe enough for us now to start making money down there again.

German Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle made a surprise visit to Baghdad on Saturday, calling for more economic engagement in that country (he means of the German kind), which really isn’t much of a surpise, if you ask me.

In particular, a bilateral deal on the protection of investments is expected to be signed with Industry Minister Fawzi Hariri, with the new accord helping improve “economic and legal conditions for German companies” working in Iraq.

Geld ist doch für alle da

December 2, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: Banks, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Fed, The Federal Reserve 2 Comments

There’s money here for everybody. Remember the financial crisis? Long, long ago (in Germany)?

It seems that the Federal Reserve’s emergency loan programs really helped out a lot after all–German banks, that is. Hey, what’s a few trillion among friends?

Deutsche Banken haben das Förderprogramm der US-Notenbank inmitten der Finanzkrise kräftig genutzt.

“Deutschland macht dabei auch ein gutes Geschäft”

November 30, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Crisis, EU, Euro, Eurozone, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire Leave a comment

Germany is also getting a good bargain in the deal.

What deal you ask? You know, the one the Germans love moaning about so much at the Stammtisch (regulars’ table) these days: How poor Germany has to bail everbody out in Europe (Greece, Ireland, who’s next?) and how said poor Germans are poor victims yet again and blah, blah, tra, la, boo, hoo, hoo.

But there’s always a rest of the story.

Sure, the Germans have to “contribute” the most to this way cool European rescue parachute that keeps getting pulled these days, but they also have the most to gain if everything goes right.

How so? Some call it, I don’t know, refinancing. They borrow the money on the bond market for 3 percent and then loan it to the Greeks and the Irish (and the next folks to come along) for 5.8 percent. If these countries die Kurve kriegen (turn the corner), then the money comes rolling back in–and a big sweet profit to boot.

So dry your eyes over there at the Stammtisch already and take a deep breath after you order your next beer. Es wird alles gut. Everything will turn out good in the end. Maybe even real good.

“Wer sich selbst am Anleihemarkt für knapp drei Prozent refinanziere und an Krisenländer wie Griechenland und Irland Kredite zu einem Zinssatz von 5,8 Prozent ausreiche, könne selbst ordentliche Gewinne einstreichen.”

No risk no fun

November 26, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 1 Comment

Of course sometimes lots of risk is no fun either.

Who’s clueless now?

November 23, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Ireland, Satire 1 Comment

“About two weeks ago, Germany’s finance minister described U.S. economic policy as “clueless.” We don’t want to sound childish…

But after yet another bailout for an insolvent European country – about $137 billion for Ireland – we are inclined to ask: If the United States is clueless, what does that make Germany? The de facto leader of the crisis-ridden, 16-nation eurozone, Berlin has not performed its role brilliantly over the past year.”

—–

Fehlalarm des Tages (false alarm of the day): A suitcase at the Düsseldorf Main Station.

Maybe history does repeat itself

November 15, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Currency, Euro, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Humor, Ireland, Satire 2 Comments

At least when it comes to Germany’s interest in benefitting from currency troubles, I mean. Hey Greece, Ireland, Portugal, Spain, Italy… Stay hard-up or shut-up.

”The key principle of German economic policy was to persuade the French and Italians to lower the value of the D-mark so as to make Germany more competitive.”

“The Berlin government’s intransigence over the debt issue, while politically understandable from a German point of view, seemingly pays little heed to the realities of the euro economy, which are heavily tilted towards Germany.”

“In pre-EMU days, if the German economy were growing at an estimated 3.7% as it is this year, the German currency and interest rates would both come under upward pressure – damping exporters’ performance and the growth outlook. Now, however, with all EMU economies shackled together, and devaluation an impossibility for the peripheral countries, the hard-up states have nowhere to hide. Germany continues to profit from excellent export performance — and it can self-righteously point the finger of blame for the euro area’s woes at those debt-ridden peripheral states.”

Nothing Nouveau on the German Front

November 14, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Middle Class, Obama, Poverty, Satire 5 Comments

This is a very complex article, I grant you, a lot like that other one I mentioned recently, but with a little bit of effort I think I can somehow manage to summarize it for you thus (and I quote, more or less):

American society is breaking apart.

Everything is spiraling further and further into the abyss.

The American people are going through a Kafkaesque odyssey, the humiliation of which is hard to comprehend.

Help is not in sight, our government and our society have abandoned us.

Wall Street is preoccupied with chasing new profits again.

That old myth about working your way up, of bootstrap success and its ultimate prize, homeownership, has evaporated.

The middle class, America’s backbone, is crumbling.

The American Dream has turned into a nightmare.

Nothing’s going to happen because the political swing to the right is extremely hurtful and absolutely disastrous to the interest of the weakest.

Becoming unemployed is a devious trap. And on and on and tra, la, la until the amen part.

Like, you had no idea, did you? My fellow Americans, I mean. So there you have it. Yet again. And no, the O Word didn’t appear in this article either.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Heconomy