Category Archives: Home Cooking

Ossi ethnicity?

April 16, 2010 By in History, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Well, it’s official now. Turned down for work in the German West because she hailed from the German East, a woman took the company to court on racial, or at least ethnic, discrimination charges – and lost.

No ethnic group, no tribal breaks here, Easties. Nice try though. If you are an Ossi (East German), you stay one. So like wake up and smell the Kaffee. Life’s a Schlampe and then you die. Get used to it already. You’re now just like the rest of us out there who aren’t like the rest of us out there, I mean you (out there). That’s life. Here’s a hanky. Blow your nose. Now go out and get a job in Friedrichshain or in Dresden or in some other awful place like that. OK, I’m finished.

Als Gabriele S. vor Monaten ihre Bewerbungsunterlagen zurückbekam, prangte neben dem Lebenslauf der handschriftliche Vermerk des Fensterbauers. “(-) Ossi!”. An mehreren Stellen stand “DDR”. Eine üble Diskriminierung?

Ich robot, Du Döner wollen?

March 28, 2010 By in Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

A fully automated Döner Kebab slicing robot? It’s about time, is all I can say.

Germans eat about 400 tons of Döner meat a day. Somebody’s got to slice the stuff.

Erste Döner-Messe in Berlin: Branche bestaunt vollautomatischen Döner-Rasierer

Where’s my Kuchen?

February 11, 2010 By in Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I want to eat it too.

“If Berlin pursues this new stance*, the Center for European Reform report argues, it will allow Germany to have its cake and eat it. Germany would be contributing to President Barack Obama’s quest for nuclear disarmament, the report says, but could still rely on the NATO countries that deploy the remaining 180 U.S. weapons — Belgium, Italy, the Netherlands and Turkey — to provide it with a security umbrella.”

* Demanding that the remaining American nuclear missles be removed from Germany but still expect the protection of American nuclear weapons.

“Die letzten Nuklearwaffen in Deutschland sind ein Relikt des Kalten Kriegs. Sie haben keinen militärischen Sinn mehr.”

Go west, German autombile companies!

January 12, 2010 By in Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Mit einem blauen Auge davongekommen (getting out of the econmic crisis with just a black eye), German automobile locust types now have their other eye clearly focused on US-Amerika and plan to produce even more of their fancy schmancy Germerican cars there.

Actually, they’ve been doing this quite some time already and doing it quite well, thank you. They’ve continually increased their share of the American Automobile Market Pie these past five years and now enjoy a healthy 7.3 percent piece of it. And believe it or not, the American auto market is still the biggest in the world, although I wouldn’t know why. Or you wouldn’t think so these days, I mean.

Or could it be that German auto makers just want to get the hell out of Germany because, I dunno, German workers are too expensive? Nah.

Die deutsche Autoindustrie sieht sich in den USA als Krisengewinner.

Everything is as it appears

November 24, 2009 By in Home Cooking Tags: 1 Comment

Or appearance is everything, if you prefer. There’s a reason why McDonald’s Germany is going to start looking a little green around the gills here in the coming months, it’s going to get a green facelift. Management here wants to “reposition the restaurant as a bastion of environmental friendliness” or something.

The 40 new restaurants set to open in 2010 will be allowed to keep the golden arches, but that snappy red background in the sign will be replaced by a green one instead. The facades of the new restaurants will include natural stone and wood too. Ronald McDonald will still be allowed to hang around for a while I guess, but only as long as he’s hugging a tree. By the end of the year, more than 100 McDonald’s restaurants will be outfitted with the new design style.

And best of all, the food will stay exactly the same as it is now.

Today the sign, tomorrow the arches. McDonald’s marches on.

“More than 2.58 million people eat at McDonald’s daily in Germany, while the company employs 58,000 people.”

Germany Gets Pregnant?

November 2, 2009 By in Home Cooking Tags: 3 Comments

Well you’ve got to call the show something. Other than bizarre, I mean. And no, it’s not a science fiction program.

Schwanger werden kann jeder!

Germans really love watching these, well, let’s call them reality-TV-advice-giving-practical-handbook-or-guide kind of shows these days. There’s one out there on how to be an adult, one about how to have somebody else raise your kids for you, and even one about how to get out of debt, to describe just a few. You know, stuff like that.

But what if you don’t have any kids to be raised by somebody else and therefore no debts to get out of? This new Germany Gets Pregnant show is here to help, I guess. Apparently a lost art, this program (twelve steps?) will show those interested (not many, really) everything they will need to know to, you know, have babies.

“Nach der Baby-Show kann RTL kaum tiefer sinken.”

Fruit sellers go home!

October 2, 2009 By in Home Cooking Tags: 2 Comments

Bashing Berlin? That’s easy. Especially if you’re a real insider who’s on the outside now. Thilo Sarrazin (SPD), the city’s former finance minister now working for the German Central Bank in Frankfurt, has said in an interview that Berlin is 1) not productive enough 2) has too many immigrants and 3) is being held back by its leftist mentality. Well, two out of three ain’t bad (I’m on the immigrants’ side for some strange reason).

Einen Koffer in Berlin habe ich nicht mehr.

“In Berlin there is a bigger problem than elsewhere of an underclass that does not take part in the normal economic cycle. A large number of Arabs and Turks in this city, whose numbers have grown thanks to the wrong policies, have no productive function except selling fruit and vegetables. I would strike a completely different tone. Anyone who can do something and strives for something with us is welcome. The rest should go elsewhere.”

It’s a good thing he went elsewhere before he did this interview is all I can say. And what the hell’s wrong with selling fruit, huh? I don’t see anything wrong with selling fruit. Unless your name is Klaus Wowereit or something, I mean.*

* Inappropriate/incorrect joke warning:  Klaus Wowereit is Berlin’s openly gay mayor who’s about to be the next big thang in what used to be the SPD, get it?

Sarrazin hält die Berliner für eher plebejisch und kleinbürgerlich. Die Bundesbank distanzierte sich von Sarrazins Äußerungen.

Yeah, but where’s the Currywurst?

August 16, 2009 By in Home Cooking Tags: 1 Comment

To eat, I mean. What is this, people? Berlin opens up the world’s first (and last) Currywurst Museum and the Betreiber (operator) folks don’t even have the decency to offer their guests one (or two) to eat.

Typical Currywurst

They won’t be opening the eating lounge part for another few weeks, you see. But at least for that you can sit on the sausage sofa right now.

“Das ist wieder typisch Berlin!”