Yacht To Have Docked It Someplace Else

That oligarch was really cruising for a bruising. Take a bow, Germany. Looks like there will be a sail on megayachts in Hamburg soon…

European authorities seize oligarch’s megayacht in German port – Authorities in Germany have seized Russian oligarch Alisher Usmanov’s 500-foot megayacht, the Dilbar, as part of the package of sanctions against the Kremlin and its supporters, Forbes magazine reported.

The ship was taken by authorities in the north German port of Hamburg on Wednesday. The megayacht is estimated to be worth $600 million.

Did You Sea That?

Water are you still doing here?

Buoy, I’d get out of there if I were you! But don’t be upset when you go to the back of the boat and the captain gives you a stern look.

You bunch of ferries.

Storm Ylenia: Three injured after a huge wave smashes through ferry windows in Hamburg, Germany.

The Increase In Partying Is Inversely Proportional…

To the drop in covidvirus infections in Germany. The 7-day incidence nationwide is below 35 Covid-19 infections per 100,000 people, and dropping.

BUT what is not expressly allowed is verboten! We’re still from the government and we’re still here to help. Drop that beer and raise your hands!

Germany: Hamburg police clear neighborhood after thousands show up to party – Police closed streets in a popular Hamburg neighborhood after partygoers breaking coronavirus restrictions were cleared from a city park.

“A lot of alcohol was being consumed and there were numerous breaches of coronavirus regulations.”

All Dressed Up And Nowhere To Go

“Only the green light from the European Union is needed for Germany’s largest single vaccination site to spring into action.”

Corona

With a stress on spring. As in maybe by next Spring.

Germany’s largest Covid jab site ready for business – Spaces to queue up are already marked out on the way to the 64 miniature doctors’ offices where thousands of people per day will be vaccinated against Covid-19 in Hamburg.

Only the green light from the European Union is needed for Germany’s largest single vaccination site to spring into action, the brand-new equipment sitting ready in the vast congress centre of the northern port city.

German Of The Day: Nichtstun

That means doing nothing. And nothing is what German students want.

Nichtstun

Is genius made from bootstraps or handouts? A university in Germany may answer that question by giving out free money for being lazy. The University of Fine Arts in Hamburg said it’s going to give three people $1,900 “idleness grants.”

I doubt if any new discoveries will be made here. Academics know this already: “Doing nothing isn’t very easy.” But, hey. Somebody has to do it.

The “grant for doing nothing” will be for “active inactivity” as the project studies lack of ambition for research for an exhibition next year on sustainability called The School of Inconsequentiality: Towards A Better Life.

“This scholarship program is not a joke but an experiment with serious intentions — how can you turn a society that is structured around achievements and accomplishments on its head?”

Not Paying Him Would Have Been Inhumane

German prosecutors have launched an investigation into why a Moroccan man convicted of assisting the 9/11 suicide plotters was allowed to leave Germany with an envelope containing €7,000 in cash.

Terrorist

Well, on the one hand… It is forbidden to pay the money from a “prisons account” to terrorists or terror suspects because their assets are meant to be frozen and inaccessible.

But on the other hand, dumping this poor mass murder accomplice off in Casablanca without any cash in his pocket would have been just plain cruel and unusual.

Motassadeq war Mitglied der sogenannten Hamburger Zelle um den Todespiloten Mohammed Atta, der 2001 eines der Flugzeuge in das World Trade Center in New York gesteuert hatte.

A Day That Will Live In Infamy

Meet Mini-Me. As in Mini-Merkel. Same as the old boss. Only mini-er.

AKK

That’s just what this country needs. More of the same. But if that’s what Dr. Evil wants, that’s what Dr. Evil gets. Whoopee or something.

Merkel, 64, later handed the baton to a successor at the party congress in Hamburg.

Annegret Kramp-Karrenbauer, who was widely seen as the chancellor’s favorite and has been branded a “mini-Merkel” by some media outlets, was elected as her replacement on Friday.

Kramp-Karrenbauer — who often goes by her initials AKK — got about 52 percent of the vote in in a run-off with Friedrich Merz, a former lawmaker who left politics to work as a corporate lawyer.

Mini-Me? Mini-Me? For God’s sake would someone put a fricken bell on her or something.

Heavy Equipment Operator Uncovers Remains Of Ancient Germanic Civilization

An archaeological find under a playground in Hamburg may now prove once and for all that the mythical Germanic “wet ones” culture actually existed.

Civilization

The “wet ones” or “Nassies” (nass is the German word for wet) were thought to be an ancient “Wald” or forest culture that lived high up in the trees whenever the Romans came marching through town. Or village, actually. Whenever it was raining. Which it practically always does here. Right up to this very freakin’ day even.

Many archaeologists had doubted this culture’s existence up until now, however, attributing the many tales still told by the natives about this “super” albeit wet race to the fantastic realm of mythical bullshit. This may now change.

“The history books might just have to be rewritten,” said Herr Henning, the heavy equipment operator who made the find. “And my backhoe sure the hell is going to have to get fixed. That’s for sure. Who’s going to pay for this anyway?”

Baggerfahrer Henning entdeckte das Nazi-Symbol bei der Arbeit.

Maybe This Constance Guy Was Mentally Unstable, Too

You know, like that guy with the knife in Hamburg? The Hamburg guy who was supposed to have already been deported but couldn’t be because he didn’t have his proper paperwork yet? Germany is an orderly place, you know. You can enter the country without a passport but you can’t leave it without one.

Disco

What other explanation could there be here other than mental illness? This shooting couldn’t have a religious background because, well, it can’t have a religious background. Nor could it have anything to do with Germany’s refugee policy because, well, it can’t have anything to do with Germany’s refugee policy. And it couldn’t have anything to do with Angela Merkel because…

So it’s business as usual. Move on, volks. There’s nothing here for you to look at. Move along please.

“We must take into account that the jihadist ideology is used as reason or justification for acts that are perhaps committed for quite different motives.”

Leftest SPD Mayor Also Shocked That Leftest Crazies Got So Leftest Crazy In Hamburg

But Hamburg mayor Olaf Scholz (SPD) won’t resign or anything. Not after having promised a safe G20 summit in Hamburg and having failed to deliver miserably.

SPD

Hamburg is deep SPD red, you see (or deep red-green at the moment) and it would be a major Tabubruch (breach of taboo) to actually hold an SPD mayor responsible for his actions. Die Partei hat immer recht (the party is always right) and all that, you know? The real culprit is the “political left” (duh, like the SPD?) and the “strategic militancy” of others which created a level of violence of “scarcely known dimensions.” Well, I’m glad the political left cleared that up for us, again.

Scholz machte den Gewalttätern schwerste Vorwürfe. Diese hätten „bei entsprechenden Hinterhalten schwere Verletzungen und sogar Tote nicht nur in Kauf genommen, sondern offenbar gewollt“.