Not Paying Him Would Have Been Inhumane

German prosecutors have launched an investigation into why a Moroccan man convicted of assisting the 9/11 suicide plotters was allowed to leave Germany with an envelope containing €7,000 in cash.

Terrorist

Well, on the one hand… It is forbidden to pay the money from a “prisons account” to terrorists or terror suspects because their assets are meant to be frozen and inaccessible.

But on the other hand, dumping this poor mass murder accomplice off in Casablanca without any cash in his pocket would have been just plain cruel and unusual.

Motassadeq war Mitglied der sogenannten Hamburger Zelle um den Todespiloten Mohammed Atta, der 2001 eines der Flugzeuge in das World Trade Center in New York gesteuert hatte.

A Day That Will Live In Infamy

Meet Mini-Me. As in Mini-Merkel. Same as the old boss. Only mini-er.

AKK

That’s just what this country needs. More of the same. But if that’s what Dr. Evil wants, that’s what Dr. Evil gets. Whoopee or something.

Merkel, 64, later handed the baton to a successor at the party congress in Hamburg.

Annegret Kramp-Karrenbauer, who was widely seen as the chancellor’s favorite and has been branded a “mini-Merkel” by some media outlets, was elected as her replacement on Friday.

Kramp-Karrenbauer — who often goes by her initials AKK — got about 52 percent of the vote in in a run-off with Friedrich Merz, a former lawmaker who left politics to work as a corporate lawyer.

Mini-Me? Mini-Me? For God’s sake would someone put a fricken bell on her or something.

Heavy Equipment Operator Uncovers Remains Of Ancient Germanic Civilization

An archaeological find under a playground in Hamburg may now prove once and for all that the mythical Germanic “wet ones” culture actually existed.

Civilization

The “wet ones” or “Nassies” (nass is the German word for wet) were thought to be an ancient “Wald” or forest culture that lived high up in the trees whenever the Romans came marching through town. Or village, actually. Whenever it was raining. Which it practically always does here. Right up to this very freakin’ day even.

Many archaeologists had doubted this culture’s existence up until now, however, attributing the many tales still told by the natives about this “super” albeit wet race to the fantastic realm of mythical bullshit. This may now change.

“The history books might just have to be rewritten,” said Herr Henning, the heavy equipment operator who made the find. “And my backhoe sure the hell is going to have to get fixed. That’s for sure. Who’s going to pay for this anyway?”

Baggerfahrer Henning entdeckte das Nazi-Symbol bei der Arbeit.

Maybe This Constance Guy Was Mentally Unstable, Too

You know, like that guy with the knife in Hamburg? The Hamburg guy who was supposed to have already been deported but couldn’t be because he didn’t have his proper paperwork yet? Germany is an orderly place, you know. You can enter the country without a passport but you can’t leave it without one.

Disco

What other explanation could there be here other than mental illness? This shooting couldn’t have a religious background because, well, it can’t have a religious background. Nor could it have anything to do with Germany’s refugee policy because, well, it can’t have anything to do with Germany’s refugee policy. And it couldn’t have anything to do with Angela Merkel because…

So it’s business as usual. Move on, volks. There’s nothing here for you to look at. Move along please.

“We must take into account that the jihadist ideology is used as reason or justification for acts that are perhaps committed for quite different motives.”

Leftest SPD Mayor Also Shocked That Leftest Crazies Got So Leftest Crazy In Hamburg

But Hamburg mayor Olaf Scholz (SPD) won’t resign or anything. Not after having promised a safe G20 summit in Hamburg and having failed to deliver miserably.

SPD

Hamburg is deep SPD red, you see (or deep red-green at the moment) and it would be a major Tabubruch (breach of taboo) to actually hold an SPD mayor responsible for his actions. Die Partei hat immer recht (the party is always right) and all that, you know? The real culprit is the “political left” (duh, like the SPD?) and the “strategic militancy” of others which created a level of violence of “scarcely known dimensions.” Well, I’m glad the political left cleared that up for us, again.

Scholz machte den Gewalttätern schwerste Vorwürfe. Diese hätten „bei entsprechenden Hinterhalten schwere Verletzungen und sogar Tote nicht nur in Kauf genommen, sondern offenbar gewollt“.

Leftest Crazy Party Shocked That Leftest Crazies Got So Leftest Crazy In Hamburg

And after their standing in the polls dropped dramatically following that, of course.

Hamburg

And they are really sorry it happened, sort of. And although the Left party still openly supports leftest crazy cultural centers in Berlin and eventually wants to turn Germany into Venezuela, they now wish to stress that this must be done without violence. Or maybe with not quite so much violence.

„Wer Polizisten verletzt und Autos anzündet, spielt denen in die Hände, die an der ungerechten Weltordnung nichts ändern wollen.“

When Politically Motivated Anti-Globalization Activists Get Active

Big capitalists like this store owner have to pay.

G20

“This proves that capitalism doesn’t work,” one masked activist with a Z sprayed on his chest explained. “Any system that would let people like us destroy this guy’s capital with impunity simply ain’t got no future.”

I’m finally starting to see the light, people. This is what a world without globalization would look like. The annoymous theft and destruction would only take place locally.

Ihr Ideal? „China vor 1976“, sagt einer.

German Of The Day: Partypolizei

That means party police. And who else could that refer to but the police in Berlin?

Party

Headline: “Party police” sent back to Berlin from their G20 deployment in Hamburg.

– Hundreds of Berlin police were deployed to help safeguard the coming G20 summit in Hamburg.

– But now three hundred have been prematurely dismissed from the deployment due to improper behavior.

– The accusations include urinating and having sex in public. In addition, one police woman was said to have been dancing on a table in a bath robe while brandishing a gun in her hand.

I don’t get it. So why did they get sent back home again? Those Hamburg cops must be real bores.

“Zwischen Beamtenarsch und Arschretter liegt oft nur ein vereitelter Überfall.”

Spectacular!

The new Elbphilharmonie!!

Elbphilharmonie

Instead of costing the planned 77 million euros it ended up costing Hamburg 800 million instead!!!

Breathtaking or something. Enjoy your status while you can, Hamburg. Just wait until the final cost for Berlin’s airport gets determined. If it ever does, I mean. We will CRUSH you!

Die Hansestädter sind froh, dass das Ding endlich fertig ist. Der Bau sollte 77 Millionen Euro kosten, am Ende waren es fast 800 Millionen.