Here people work until they are 67?

March 5, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Humor, Satire Leave a comment

You know how it is, the best thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.

And that’s just what Germany’s Bild newspaper did during a lecturing session to Greece the other day. The newspaper basically called on the Greeks to adopt something they called “a more Germanic work ethic” in an open letter to Greek prime minister Papandreou.

What a joke. This is hilarious. This is hilarious because the Germanic work ethic is a hilarious myth.

My favorite lecture claim here? The one about Germans working until they’re 67. Ha, ha, ha. Every German knows that this is a big fat lie. But hey, if it makes you feel good to believe in such Märchen (fairy tales), whatever.

Anyway, you go Greece. Actually what I mean is that you’d better get going while the going’s good.

Germans tell Greeks to rise earlier and work harder to avoid financial crisis

Greeks to boycott German products they can’t afford to pay for right now anyway

February 28, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Crisis, Economy, EU, Euro, Finance, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Humor, Satire 4 Comments

Pissed off about a Focus magazine cover depicting Venus de Milo (some old Greek actress or something) flipping off the rest of Europe (meaning Germany) and carrying the title “Crooks in the Euro Family”, the Greek Consumer Association has called for the boycott of German goods which nobody in Greece can afford to buy right now anyway.

The Greeks are a little touchy these days because their government/state/civilization is on the verge of bankruptcy or something (like join the club already). The Germans are a little touchy these days because the Germans are always a little touchy.

Die Verfälschung einer Statue der griechischen Geschichte, Schönheit und Zivilisation, die aus einer Zeit stammt, wo sie (die Deutschen) Bananen auf Bäumen gegessen haben, ist unverzeihlich und nicht hinnehmbar.”

I`m 18 (not) and just don`t know what I want

February 22, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hi-tech, Humor Tags: Advertising, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Marketing, Satire Leave a comment

“That’s right, and the sexagenarian shock rocker’s got a hammer. He calmly smashes out the Plexiglas face part of the spaceman’s helmet. Fruit juice drains out, problem solved.”

Mr. Cooper’s success as a pitchman is doubly surprising because the stringy-haired 62-year-old takes over as Saturn spokesman from a sexy female cyborg who looked like the kind of adolescent-boy fantasy who turns up so often in Mr. Cooper’s songs.

Welfare schmellfare

February 15, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Heconomy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Welfare Leave a comment

Oh boy, another non-issue that nobody here is ever going to tackle.

People are all up in arms here about a comment made yesterday by FDP boss/foreign minister Guido Westerwelle. They’re upset because he pointed out that nearly 60 percent of Germany’s federal budget is spent on Sozialausgaben (welfare/social-security payments) and that the whole damned system needs to be properly addressed and debated.

So why is everybody so upset? That’s easy: It’s because early 60 percent of Germany’s federal budget is spent on Sozialausgaben (welfare/social-security payments) and the whole damned system needs to be addressed and debated.

It’s just that they don’t like to be reminded of this, you see. This “debate” he’s talking about should have started some thiry years ago, of course (think, say, of what Bill Clinton did to welfare in the 90s). But it won’t be debated in Germany now either.

And this is just a proposed debate, mind you. Imagine the uproar if somebody here ever actually tried to change anything.

„Wir dürfen nicht zulassen, dass der, der arbeitet, der Dumme ist.”

Tax evasion doesn’t pay

February 9, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Government, Humor, Satire, Tax evasion, Taxes Leave a comment

Not unless you live in Germay maybe. Strange. Right in the middle of the latest craze around here these daze (a host of informants are selling stolen data about tax evaders to the German state), a court has ordered a Liechtenstein bank to pay over seven million Euros to a German tax evader “for not informing him on time” that his data had been stolen – thus opening him up to said informants, get it? I know, I don’t get it either, but things are complicated here.

“Had the claimant been informed of the theft in due time, he would have had the option of self-indictment and not have been obliged to pay a EUR7.3 million fine.”

Fair is fair, I guess, or all is fair in love and tax evasion. Or something else maybe. Damn, these Germans and their ill-gotten gains. And this rampant lawlessness seems to be getting out of hand everywhere these days. The next thing you know pensioners will start kidnapping their financial advisers…

The data was stolen and sold on to the German intelligence service by a former employee of former LGT unit LGT Treuhand AG.

It’s not “bank robbery” if the state does it

February 5, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Economics, Finance, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Swiss bank accounts, Switzerland, Taxes 1 Comment

It’s much more like “skullduggery,” “backstabbing” and “dealing in stolen goods.”

And it’s legal too, of course, even when the information obtained was done so by “less than legal” means.

Self-intrest rates sure are high in Europe these days

February 4, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Economy, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Humor, Satire Leave a comment

Well they sure are here in Germany (see Greece).

“Germany’s heavy reliance on exports has already been controversial on the international stage, in a similar way to the Western world’s growing frustration with China over its dominance in cheap exports.”

“We can’t go back to the era where the Chinese or the Germans or other countries just are selling everything to us; we’re taking out a bunch of credit card debt or home equity loans, but we’re not selling anything to them,” Obama said.

Privacy?

February 2, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Humor, Informants, Satire, Swiss bank accounts, Tax evasion 1 Comment

Ever see Father Knows Best? Well over here it’s the state that always knows best, especially when it comes to dealing in stolen goods.

If Big Bruder wants to buy stolen secret Swiss bank account data on 1,500 alleged tax evaders from an informant, that’s OK here (Germans have always had a Herz für Informanten – a warm spot in their hearts for informers), but with Google, let’s say, by virtue of its very success here in Germany – having reached a substantially larger market share here over its rival search engines than it has elsewhere – this very success places it under immediate suspicion. Informants aren’t even necessary. Privacy is automatically in danger.

And then Big Bruder’s lawmakers, regulators and consumer advocates will invariably come in to “fix it” (fix what isn’t broken), all in the name of privacy of course.

With Google, nobody’s dealing in stolen goods – or are they? No, that’s eBay. But in both cases, whether it’s about Swiss bank accounts or Google’s success, one always has to play it safe here. It’s always guilty until proven innocent. Father knows best.

Google’s border-straddling scale and its brash ambitions raise alarms with some European politicians.

Germany’s turn?

January 28, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iran, Sanctions, Satire Leave a comment

As everybody knows, everything that “goes wrong” in Iran is a direct result of actions carried out by outside provocateurs (the United States and Britain, in other words).

But in a refreshing new turn of events, Iranian officials are now slapping around Germany for once. Germany, of all nations.

No one knows why for sure, of course, but some speculate that “The accusations followed stronger statements against Iran’s nuclear program by German officials, including Chancellor Angela Merkel, who raised the specter of new international sanctions against Iran, and an announcement on Tuesday by the Munich-based engineering giant Siemens that it would seek no new business there.”

Damn. And that’s for just raising a specter, or maybe two. What would happen if the German government ever actually “did” anything to Iran? You know, other than sell them things, I mean.

Wir waren es nicht. Yogi und Ingo sind es gewesen.

Fly me to Iraq already

January 13, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iraq, Lufthansa, Satire Leave a comment

Looks like Germans are finally going to participate in Iraq after all. Or at least Germany’s Lufthansa is going to. They may not have had any choice, however.

No, I don’t mean that they’re going there to do any heavy lifting or shoot ’em up or anything like that (how could I?). Lufthansa had 2.6% fewer passengers last year and they`re in desperate need of new ones and/or markets and, well, now that Iraq is finally opening up for the rest of us…

It’s time to act or something. So, German Abenteuerurlauber (adventure vacationers), book your flight to Bagdad or Erbil now. Or next year, maybe. Or maybe not at all.

Das Flugangebot wurde 2009 um 1,3 Prozent reduziert.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Heconomy