Too hot in Afghanistan right now

Ich kann so nicht arbeiten! I just can’t work under these conditions!

This just keeps getting better, people. Now even Northern Afghanistan is too dangerous for the Germans. Too dangerous to train Afghan police, that is. I mean it’s not like anybody’s taking part in any of the fighting going on down south at the moment or anything.

SPD Politicians are serously proposing that the few police trainers Germany is currently utilizing to train Afghan police (wow, they’re actually going to increase that number from 120 to 150) do the training in a more peaceful working environment. Up here in Germany, that is.

Taliban attacks in Germany are acceptably low at the moment and will allow German police trainers to concentrate more fully on their work and maybe even actually start getting a few Afghans through their rigorously thorough and near-never-ending training program. Already.

Angesichts der Sicherheitslage am Hindukusch wird diskutiert, wie die Arbeit der deutschen Polizisten mit der größtmöglichen Sicherheit ablaufen kann.

Where’s my Kuchen?

I want to eat it too.

“If Berlin pursues this new stance*, the Center for European Reform report argues, it will allow Germany to have its cake and eat it. Germany would be contributing to President Barack Obama’s quest for nuclear disarmament, the report says, but could still rely on the NATO countries that deploy the remaining 180 U.S. weapons — Belgium, Italy, the Netherlands and Turkey — to provide it with a security umbrella.”

* Demanding that the remaining American nuclear missles be removed from Germany but still expect the protection of American nuclear weapons.

“Die letzten Nuklearwaffen in Deutschland sind ein Relikt des Kalten Kriegs. Sie haben keinen militärischen Sinn mehr.”

Germans? Hysterical about Google’s Street-View?

How you figure?

That German companies like the map manufacturer Tele Atlas or the small business Panogate (sightwalk.de) in Cologne do the same damned thing that Google does – make fotos of/in cities in order to publish them in the Internet and use them for navigation systems – that doesn’t matter here. What matters here is that a particularly awful and ominous “data octopus” is doing it.

Ob Microsoft (preview.local.live.com), der Kartenhersteller Tele Atlas oder das kleine Unternehmen Panogate (sightwalk.de) aus Köln, sie alle fotografieren systematisch die Städte dieser Welt – mal aus dem Flugzeug, mal aus dem Auto. Auch sie veröffentlichen diese Bilder im Internet oder nutzen sie für Navigationssysteme. Wenn sich die öffentliche Debatte nun auf Google konzentriert, dann wohl nur, weil sich mit diffusen Vorwürfen gegen den vermeintlichen “Datenkraken” leicht Ängste schüren lassen.

It’s quite simple, really. Germans, just like everybody else, really love angst. Only they love it here so much that they acually spell it with a capital A. You know, with an A like they use for Amerika (sorry, US-Amerika, of course).

Fast hysterisch wirken hingegen die Warnungen vor dem Verlust der Privatsphäre. Was ist damit gemeint? Die Privatsphäre der Hausfront? Google und Co. fotografieren grundsätzlich nur das, was jeder Fußgänger auf einer öffentlich zugänglichen Straße sieht.

Raus already!

You just knew there had to be a rest of the story about yesterday’s post.

Very peculiar, this German Haltung (position) about sending more troops to Afghanistan. A few weeks ago the Germans were very loud and touchy about not being pushed to commit sending additional troops before the London Conference takes place.

Now – strangely two days before the London Conference begins – Germany makes a big announcement about deciding to send an additional 850 personnel after all. Less sophisticated types like myself might think that they’re speaking with a forked tongue, you know, placing everybody else before vollendete Tatsachen (a fait accompli).

Oh yeah, and the punch line here: At the same time that they announce a troop increase they also announce that they’ll begin bringing everybody home the following year.

That way everybody’s happy, I guess. Nope, no losers here. Who says you can’t please (fool?) all of the people all of the time? Even the Taliban will be pleased to hear about this one.

Afghanistan: Mehr Soldaten – und dann raus

More German troops will be sent to Afghanistan?

To do what?

“Germany may finally be ready to increase its troop contingent in Afghanistan. A news report says that Berlin might send an additional 500 troops to the war-torn country, despite widespread public opposition to the war.”

“Germany plans to shift its focus further toward training Afghan forces.”

Train them to do what? Certainly not to fight the Taliban. It’s not the number of German troops in Afghanistan that’s the problem (they’re actually going to send an additional 850), it’s the number of things German troops are refusing (or not allowed) to do.

Merkel bereitet Deutschland auf Afghanistan vor.

Who says money can’t buy you love?

You knew that Germany would come out in support of this one right from the get go. Fighting the Taliban has never been an option for the Germans (no one really seems to know why they’re down there in the first place).

So now it’s like why fight the Taliban when you can finally pull out your checkbook and buy them instead?

Funny, I thought the latest German concern about Afghanistan was all the corruption going on down there, but I guess I was wrong – and I’m certainly no statesman. It looks like the only way to fight corruption is with corruption itself.

Mit Geld will Kabul Taliban dazu bewegen, die Waffen fallen zu lassen.

Our coal doesn’t stink

You count them. Environment here, global warming there (while pointing the finger at everybody else in both directions at the same time), when it comes to building new coal-burning power plants in Germany, well, that’s different. No protests in the streets here (or in Copenhagen) about that one.

“The following list shows the status of controversial new coal-fired power plant projects in Germany, which are the focus of environmentalists campaigning against climate-harming carbon emissions from the coal-to-power generation process.”

It’s showtime!

OK, 30,000 additional American troops in Afghanistan, victory guaranteed by the summer of 2011 (or else) and the best part of all? President Obama’s Afghanistan strategy, as expected, also envisions a major increase in NATO troop levels there, meaning of course more German troops too.

Go Germany! I’m impressed already, sort of (but not quite yet). What would never have been possible during the reign of his evil cowboy predecessor will now be given to Obama with a smile. Some 2000 troops, or so the rumor goes.

Poor Mr. President. He still doesn’t know who he’s dealing with over here. Here in Germany, I mean. Afghanistan he’s starting to get though, I think.

Die Nato-Staaten müssten ihr Truppenkontingent ebenfalls aufstocken – also auch die Bundeswehr.

GM as in Gottcha Money?

Clearly upset about German Opel jobs staying here in Germany now after all, under such intolerable conditions, I mean (Opel will now remain with that yucky General Motors mother of theirs), a German government spokesman has announced that Berlin regretted GM’s decision to keep Opel and has demanded that the US-American company repay the 1.5 billion euro bridge financing package that German banks and re-election campaign strategists put together in order to convince GM to sell Opel down the river to Russian-backed Magna instead.

The Empire Strikes Back!

I don’t wirklich (really) understand this huffy German reaction, to tell you the truth. Unless of course maybe you consider that Germans are notorious anti-militarists (see Afghanistan, for instance) and hate the thought of working for any kind of general, whatever his or her name may be. This is just pure speculation on my part, however.

“Merkel had personally been involved in talks, offering substantial German government financial aid in return for assurances that jobs in Germany would be protected.”

German locusts attack US-Amerika

With American commercial property prices falling to the bargain basement level, unscrupulous German investors are once again turning into a real plague-like pain in the property market posterior and have begun snapping up properties right and left, many of these located in our nation’s capital his or herself.

Let my people go!

Normally quite sensitive about perceived locust attacks taking place in their own county, attacks they invariably see as having been mounted from the United States, these coldhearted clouds of heartless hoards of bloodless brutes will certainly be showing little mercy here now.

Get out the canned goods and potable water. We may need them or something.

“We got one of the best properties in D.C., a brand-new fully rented office on K Street with 15-year leases.”