Do as I say, not as I do

September 13, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Debt, Debt Crisis, EU, Euro, Eurozone, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 6 Comments

Believe you me, Europe, President Barack Obama knows what he’s talking about when he’s talking about debt.

And that is why he wants YOU to solve your eurozone debt crisis pronto. He is, after all, “deeply engaged” with European nations about solving the eurozone debt crisis, if less so about solving the American one, and is deeply convinced that European countries need to coordinate fiscal policies just like the American administration and Congress have not.

“Right now you have a single currency but you don’t have a single set of economic policies, and that’s created great difficulty,” the President said. “Like duh, we know all about that. Just look at us if you want to see what that kind of clueless leadership gets you.”

“Europa hat derzeit zwar eine geeinte Währung, aber es verfügt über keine gemeinsame Wirtschaftspolitik. Und das schafft große Probleme.”

My Big Fat Greek Divorce

September 12, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness Tags: Banktruptcy, Berlin, EU, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Humor, Satire Leave a comment

“To stabilize the euro, there can no longer be any taboos. That includes, if necessary, an orderly bankruptcy of Greece.”

You know, like an “orderly” divorce? Only this time nobody is getting the house because there’s no house to get (unless a house of cards counts).

It is not clear who is in the stronger position in the latest round of brinkmanship between Greece and the German bloc. If pushed too far, Greece can set off a powderkeg. The International Monetary Fund says European banks are highly vulnerable and need to raise their capital by €200bn. Many of the weakest are in Germany.

New Angst Study Producing More New Angst

September 9, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Angst, Atomic energy, Berlin, EU, Euro, Fear, Financial crisis, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nuclear energy, Satire Leave a comment

A new study from the R+V Insurance Company (hmmm, an insurance company) indicates that Germans have a whole new list of things to scare the Hosen off them that they didn’t have last year. Is there a pattern developing here or something?

Some of this year’s top favorites (so far) are ecological catastrophes (a perennial hit), the “super worst case scenario” that took place after the earthquake in Japan, the so-called EHEC scandal (go organic sprouts!) and those bloody and yucky revolts still going on down there in the Arabian World.

But what really scares them most is, well, their money. Or the thought of losing it, I should say. Along with their fear of rising energy costs (hmmm, where might those rising energy costs be coming from?), over 70 percent of Germans asked are scared to death of the imminent bankruptcy of a few of them there EU countries down south which will cost the German taxpayer dearly.

Hey. No angst, no fun.

70 Prozent der Deutschen befürchten, dass die drohende Pleite einiger EU-Länder den deutschen Steuerzahler teuer zu stehen kommt – keine Angst erreichte 2011 höhere Werte.

Two Speeds for Saving Europe: Slow and Slower

September 6, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, EU, Euro, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Merkel, Satire Leave a comment

Breaking up is hard to do. But it’s about freakin’ time already, don’t you think?

Now that it is becoming clearer and clearer that the euro crisis is not going to get fixed with the institutions at hand and the will that isn’t, Chancellor Merkel HERSELF has finally had enough and appears ready to do the one thing that will finally make everyone out there happy: Create new institutions and a “two-speed Europe” that won’t work either, but still.

What this means is, uh, I’m not sure really (can someone out there please explain this plan to me?), but I think it means creating something called a “core Europe” (the countries that haven’t filed for bankruptcy yet) run by Germany and then a “rotten to the core Europe” (all the other loser countries that nobody wants anymore) run by nobody. I mean, running on empty.

This won’t really solve anything, of course, but it’s an elegant European way of tossing in the towel and passing the buck on to someone else, in this case someone with absolutely no accountability who nobody out there has ever even heard of before: European Council President Herman Van Rompuy.

Are we having late Roman decadence yet? This divide and conquer stuff, I mean divide and save, makes me wonder sometime.

Van Rompuy doesn’t seek the limelight and enjoys writing haikus about nature in his free time.

A New Currency Order

September 1, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Currency, EU, Euro, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Monetary Crisis, Satire 3 Comments

Are we having a Reichseuro yet?

“Conceived as a tool for integrating Germany into Europe, and preventing Germans from dominating others, it (the euro) has become the opposite.”

Germany’s neighbors and allies are growing increasingly concerned about Berlin’s foreign policy direction. Some even fear that efforts to export its fiscal ideas could mean the prosperous country has lost sight of the European idea. Or worse yet, that it wants to dominate the currency union.

You will save until it hurts, I tell you! Sign ze papers old man!

Speaking of taxes…

August 31, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy Tags: Economy, Euro, Finance, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Taxation, Taxes 1 Comment

We have now reached the point where folks volunteer, plead to be taxed.

A group of 50 rich Germans has joined the ”tax me harder” movement by renewing their open call to Angela Merkel to ”stop the gap between rich and poor getting even bigger.”

Sure, these particular folks have money to burn. Unfortunately, the taxation never stops with them and does absolutely nothing to fill this “gap” they pretend to worry about. How does giving your money-to-burn to the state so it can burn it for you change anything?

”None of us are in Buffett’s or Bettencourt’s league, most of our wealth is inherited. But we have more money than we need.”

“Imagine that a genie magically appeared and offered to grant you one wish – and, being a decent sort, you wished that everyone’s income would be doubled. That could bring down on you the wrath of the political left, because it would mean that the gap between the rich and the poor had widened. That is basically their complaint against the American economy.”

Reality Bites Biting Again

August 29, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, EU, Euro, Europe, Finance, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 1 Comment

Are we having a mutiny yet?

The seething discontent in Germany over Europe’s debt crisis has spread to all the key institutions of the state. “Hysteria is sweeping Germany.” Uh, hysteria is always sweeping Germany. So what’s the big deal this time?

It’s not all that big, really. On September 7, a 440 billion euro EU bail-out fund (EFSF) package (empowering the EFSF to buy bonds pre-emptively and recapitalize banks) goes to the Bundestag and to the country’s constitutional court for a ruling on it’s legality.

German media reported that the latest tally of votes in the Bundestag shows that 23 members from Mrs Merkel’s own coalition plan to vote against the package, including twelve of the 44 members of Bavaria’s Social Christians (CSU). This may force the Chancellor to rely on opposition votes, risking a government collapse.

So? It will pass, of course, because it doesn’t really matter what the man on the street thinks, hysteria or not. This is just another case of what happens when political dreams collide with reality. When the dreamers aren’t held accountable for what they dream, I mean. Happens all the time. No accountability, no problem. Let’s face it: Everybody’s living in the Matrix here and everybody loves it.

“Behind Winston ‘s back the voice from the telescreen was still babbling away about pig-iron and the over fulfilment of the Ninth Three-Year Plan.”

“Germany hasn’t been a reliable power for several years”

August 26, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Kohl, Libya, Merkel, Satire Leave a comment

“Neither domestically nor abroad,” Mr. Kohl said.

“I have to ask myself, where does Germany actually stand today and where does it want to go?”

Merkel’s UN abstention was popular in German polls. And as the Libya NATO operation proved indecisive and messy, with rebels in pickup trucks taking towns and then retreating, and with talk of quagmire, some German officials were telling French colleagues, “We told you so.”

Ain’t no “might” about it, Fareed

August 18, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Economy, Euro, Europe, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany 1 Comment

If push comes to shove over here, I mean.

Why Germany might let Europe fall

The old structure of Europe rested on an extraordinary degree of German abnegation of its own interests. The Germans believed their national interest lay in subordinating itself in every way to Europe’s broader interest. That was what Europe was built on.

Today what people are basically asking is: “Is Europe’s debt going to be centralized or not?” In other words, is Europe going to be willing to say, “All our debt is pooled together and theoretically, as a single entity, we’ll pay it back.”

The key to this commitment is Germany. Germany is the only country that can pay.

The key to Europe’s future is how Germany conceives of its interests.

So once it gets real ugly, and it’s going to get a whole lot uglier yet, the last guy out please remember to turn off the lights.

PS: This gives “Old Europe” and “New Europe” a whole new meaning, don’t it?

Germany To Save Europe

August 12, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness Tags: Berlin, Debt Crisis, EU, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Soros 1 Comment

Or maybe not, hard to say for sure.

But according to billionaire investor and currency-crushing “Man Who Broke the Bank of England” and therefore absolute expert on the subject George Soros (HIMSELF), “Only Germany can reverse the dynamic of a European decay. Germany and other countries with an AAA rating (sorry USA, better luck next time) have to approve some sort of euro-bond regime. Otherwise, the euro will implode.” And nobody wants an implosion around here or anything, I don’t think.

Soros also thinks that German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s reaction to the sovereign-debt crisis has been too slow. Like duh? Even non-billionaire types know that. But hey, it’s just like back home I tell ya, somebody’s got to not do it (got not to do it?).

Die aktuelle Krisenstrategie mit Krediten für Griechenland und einem von verschiedenen Ländern garantierten Rettungsschirm (EFSF) sei untragbar, schrieb Soros. So müssten Italien und Spanien mehr Zinsen für ihre Staatsanleihen zahlen, als sie selber von Griechenland für Stützungskredite erhalten.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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