There’s something about soccer manager nerds

Especially if they’re German.

Women just can’t resist them.

Oh Thomas Tuchel, how I love you! Unlike the last boss of the England team, Saint Gareth of Southgate, there’s no smart suit and fashionable theories about sad young men for you. You won’t write a book called ‘Anything Is Possible: Be Brave, Be Kind & Follow Your Dreams’. No one will ever write a play about you, though you are beautifully portrayed in the current series of Radio 4’s Dead Ringers, repeatedly correcting Gary Lineker’s sloppy thinking and Harry’s Kane’s flights of fancy with a kindly but firm ‘No, Gary’ and ‘No, Harry’ before explaining to them exactly what’s what. There’s always a special affection about the way the studio audience laugh at your small speeches and cheer when the sketches conclude…

You Won The League Title?

Well, then we have no other choice but to fire you!

What would they done to these guys if they had lost the title?

Bayern Munich fire Oliver Kahn and Hasan Salihamidzic – Oliver Kahn and Hasan Salihamidzic were both fired after the club secured the Bundesliga title on Saturday. Jan-Christian Dreesen will replace Kahn as CEO with a new sporting director yet to be announced.

The fact that this was Bayern’s least convincing Bundesliga title in 11 years wasn’t lost on the kingmakers in Munich, aware that they had won the title because of Dortmund’s failures rather than their own successes. Something had to be done about Kahn and Salihamidzic and they have been ruthlessly disposed of, not even waiting until the club’s advisory board meets on May 30 to deconstruct the season.

Must Be The Heat

Modern German war machines aren’t made for it, if you know what I mean.

Heat

German army shows off ailing NATO helicopter – German Defense Minister Ursula von der Leyen is touring the ranks of the Bundeswehr this summer. But some of the military hardware she is admiring, like the NH90 helicopter, has seen more ground time than flight time.

Mismanagement or routine problems?

Can’t be mismanagement because Frau von der Leyen is Miss Management herself. She has been the Bundeswehr boss for ages now and would never allow this type of thing to happen even though it clearly is happening (a man would have been fired long ago). Besides, she’s one of Chancellor Merkel’s very top girls in the Chancellor Merkel girl group. They’re called The Untouchables.

“We can say that the NH90 has proved its worth.”