German Of The Day: Grenzschließung

That means border closure.

Borders

Damn. Maybe Mini-MErkel isn’t so Mini-MErkel after all.

Much like the SPD desperately trying to get back the people who used to vote for them with yesterday’s Hartz IV shenanigans, Germany’s CDU 2.0 (can we call it post-Merkel yet?) is fighting to get back the voters who abandoned them in droves after Angela Merkel’s bat shit crazy migrant fiasco of 2015. Boss lady Annegret Kramp-Karrenbauer has made it clear that this can and will never happen again – without pointing fingers or naming any names, of course – and has even said that her party would be prepared shut down German borders (no, really, they have borders, too) should it ever be necessary.

Odd. These are stands that the pure evil of evilness AfD has been taking from the start (that’s were the CDU voters ran off to). Now the CDU is acting as though they just figured this out all by themselves. Better late than never, I guess.

„Wir haben gesagt, als Ultima Ratio wäre das durchaus auch denkbar.”

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More Fake News

It’s 95 percent easy.

Fake News

Nicht gut: Nearly 85 percent of Germans see U.S-German ties as negative.

Nearly 85 percent of Germans have a negative or very negative view of U.S.-German relations, and most want to put more distance between the traditionally close transaltantic allies, a new poll showed on Friday.

Just over 40 percent of those polled view China as a better partner for Germany than the United States, the survey of around 5,000 people, conducted by Atlantik-Bruecke and the Civey institute in poll in November and December, showed.

Ties between the United States and Germany, Europe’s largest economy, have been strained since the 2016 election of U.S. President Donald Trump, who has criticized Germany repeatedly for its trade practices, defense spending and its participation in the Russian-led Nord Stream 2 gas pipeline.

Exit? What Exit?

What Angela Merkel’s exit means for Germany — and Europe.

Merkel

Hilarious! Merkel’s announcement comes at a pivotal time when nationalism is on the rise in Europe and the continent is still reeling from the 2015 migrant crisis.

Whah? Huh? She caused the 2015 migrant crisis. She is therefore directly responsible for this rise in nationalism you are so concerned about. And she ain’t going nowhere, either. She’s already hand-picked her Mini-MErkel to take the reins should anyone ever figure out how to get her to actually go away (other than at gunpoint).

All I can say is… German oddity 5. Young adults in Germany have never known a chancellor other than Angela Merkel. She has been in office since 2005. It’s time to go. It’s been time to go for quite some time now even. Geh mit Gott (go with God) but go. And don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

“Alarming… But Not Surprising”

Massive cyber attacks affect the German Bundestag and other government agencies on a regular basis here. Nobody cares. Just have the press officer read his prepared statement about how nothing important was stolen and ab ins Wochenende (off to the weekend)!

hackers

Personal data and documents from hundreds of German politicians and public figures have been published online, in what appears one of the most far-reaching cyber attacks in a country that has become a target of choice for hackers.

It was unclear if the breach, which triggered an emergency meeting of the national cyber defense agency, was the result of a hack or a leak, an Interior Ministry spokesman said.

Chancellor Angela Merkel was affected, but an initial analysis showed no sensitive material from her office was released, said a government spokeswoman.

If the data release does stem from a hack, it would be the latest in a number of hi-tech assaults on political institutions and key individuals in Germany.

Last year, lawmakers said a powerful cyber attack breached the foreign ministry’s computer network.

“Whoever is responsible, wants to intimidate politicians. That will not succeed.”

Mutti Wants More Multi

You must take on more responsibility in the coming year, my fellow Germans. For all of the mistakes I have made in the past, I mean.

Merkel

And these have been multiple mistakes, although we never openly discuss them here. No one knows why that is but that’s what we Germans do. Or don’t do. Anyway, that is why, for 2019, I expect you to multiply your efforts in becoming more multicultural, multireligious, multinational, multilingual and multidisciplined in your efforts to clean up the multifarious mess that my bat shit crazy good intentions have brought raining down upon this country.

I, for my part, have already contributed a great deal to the multi-movement by making Germany a much more multiparty place to live (see AfD). At the expense of my own party, I know, but still. And in the coming year I will concentrate much more on multilateralism. Multilateralism is very important on the international stage for us because, as you know, we Germans are notoriously risk-averse and never do anything on our own internationally unless it has to do with multiplying our profits. Take defense, for example. Please. Multilateralism allows us to shirk our international responsibilities while simultaneously allowing us to vilify those who are actually defending us. It’s a win-win situation for all. For all Germans everywhere. But that’s just one small example. It’s time to press on. The Sekt corks are already popping. 2019 is calling.

Stay multivated, my fellow Germans, and have a multiplicitous New Year!

“In our own interest, we must take on more responsibility.”

Harsh Reality Has A Way Of Ruining Dreamworld Fantasies

Today we see the end of the West German Dream, of an egalitarian “social market economy” with “prosperity for all,” added to the death of the East German Dream of a socialist society leaving capitalism’s insecurities, crises, and class divisions behind.

Merkel

When Angela Merkel became chancellor in 2005, the two big “Volksparteien” (the mass “catch-all” parties, the Christian Democratic CDU/CSU and the Social Democratic SPD), together still commanded 69.4 percent of the vote. Yet during her chancellorship, these parties have been forced to govern together in three ever-shrinking grand coalitions. Today, a year after federal elections saw a far-right party enter parliament for the first time since 1952, these two forces no longer represent a majority of Germans. The polls give them a combined tally of just 42 percent.

The Wrath Of Khan

Only this Khan’s name is Wolfgang.

Khan

Maybe this Friedrich Merz has a chance of becoming head of the Christian Democrats (CDU) this Friday after all. Wolfgang Schäuble, the seventy-six-year-old CDU Urgestein (bedrock) who should have/would have been chancellor, is supporting Merz wholeheartedly. He is doing this out of conviction, of course, but he also has an ax to grind with Empress Merkel Herself (who wants Mini-Merkel to take over for her – and can’t stand Merz). Like Helmut Kohl before her, her rise to power came with a major political setback for Schäuble. Now it’s payback time. Better late than never.

“Of course! We are one big, happy fleet! Ah, Kirk, my old friend, do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold?”

Weil er Kanzler nicht werden konnte, will er jetzt, am Ende eines schier unglaublichen Berufslebens, wenigstens Kanzlermacher sein. Er nutzt, 76-jährig, seine wohl letzte Gelegenheit, auf die Geschichte der CDU und der Bundesrepublik entscheidenden Einfluss zu nehmen – und damit zugleich für die politische Zurücksetzung, die er erst von Kohl und dann von Merkel erfahren hat, Genugtuung zu finden.

It Wasn’t Sabotage

I read half a dozen times today that no, it wasn’t sabotage that caused a forced landing of Angela Merkel’s plane on its way to the G20 in Argentina shortly after leaving Berlin.

Plane

Of course it wasn’t sabotage. It was a Bundeswehr plane, folks. That’s all you need to know. What’s interesting is how the first thing everyone thinks is that it could have, might have, must have been sabotage. Angie, maybe it really is time for you to go.

The plane’s communications system went down and the crew had to use a satellite phone to contact air traffic controllers, Germany’s Spiegel website reported. The problem is thought to have been with an electronic distribution box, which controls both the radio and discharge of aviation fuel.

The German air force denied suggestions that the plane’s electronics could have been sabotaged. “There’s is absolutely no indication of a criminal background,” a spokesman said.

Es ist dringend.”

Let The Christmas Cheer Begin!

New fortified security measures at Berlin Christmas market.

Christmas

All week, workers have been installing 160 giant, square, lattice-work frames on the perimeter of Charlottenburg’s Breitscheidplatz, the site of the fatal attack.

Enormous sand-and-stone-filled bags have been lowered into each frame, which have all been bolted to the next to form a long row. Narrow access points have been protected with extra bollards.

During the market, private guards will patrol the grounds, joined by a heavy presence of uniformed and plainclothes police officers.

The Berlin Senate has said the elaborate €2.5 million ($2.9 million) installation will provide “unprecedented protection” against trucks weighing up to 40 tons.

This reminds me of German oddity 234. Germany is a country that now places the ugly security controls, bollards and heavily armed police it used to have on its national borders at Christmas markets and Volksfeste around the country instead.

Conservative, Male, Wealthy?

What has this guy been smoking? How could anybody with credentials like that ever hope to become the chairman of Germany’s conservative party?

Merz

Conservatives don’t exist in this country. It’s against the law or something. And if they did, they would have to be liberal, female and have a very modest income. Germans also have a big Neid (envy) problem, you see.

German businessman Friedrich Merz, who is running to replace Chancellor Angela Merkel as leader of the Christian Democratic (CDU) party, disclosed for the first time that he earns about one million euros (S$1.57 million) a year, Bild am Sonntag newspaper reported on Sunday (Nov 18).

Merz verrät sein gigantisches Einkommen, zählt sich aber nicht zur Oberschicht.