Germans Concerned That Google Will Now Become Even More Evil Than It Already Is

Now that “Don’t Be Evil” has been removed from their code of conduct thingy. And I don’t blame them, either. Just look at that Doctor Evil-looking evil character down there.

Evil

Sheesh. I’m going to switch to a German search engine. What do you mean there’s no such thing? Like, how lack of evil is that? And lame.

NERD RAGE Google removes legendary ‘Don’t Be Evil’ motto from code of conduct – should we be worried?

“Sei nicht böse” – und alles wird gut. Das inoffizielle Google-Motto “Don’t Be Evil” war das Beruhigungsmittel für alle Dystopie-Phobiker, die eine zukünftige Allmacht des Mega-Konzerns fürchten.

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The Iran Deal Is Not Dead

It just smells funny. At least that’s what Germany seems to think.

Iran

You see, spokesmen for German industry plan to call up Donald Trump and explain to him that the “US Iran call is illegal.” Then, once they’ve straightened that up with him, everything ought to be hunky dory, right? And they can go back to getting moola from the mullahs again.

They better hurry up, though. America’s new ambassador to Germany has only been in office for twenty-four hours and already has a really bad case of ITF (Itchy Twitter Finger).

For the past year, German officials have been urging their U.S. counterparts to send a new ambassador to Berlin. But after finally receiving one, many may be having second thoughts.

Within hours of assuming his new post on Tuesday, Richard Grenell triggered harsh criticism in this Trump-weary country after appearing to threaten one of the American president’s frequent targets: German businesses.

“German companies doing business in Iran should wind down operations immediately.”

It’s Guys Like These Who Give Liberals A Good Name

These are your “classic” liberals, the pro-business Free Democratic Party (FDP). And more power to them.

Lindner

Lindner has very good reasons to not join a four-party coalition just after he managed to lead the FDP from the political wilderness back into parliament. He has sought to re-brand the FDP as a party with clear principles, delineating core demands that the FDP would pursue: investing in education, promoting digital transformation, lowering taxes, blocking an EU “transfer union” and controlling immigration. After a compelling campaign, the party re-entered parliament with 10.7 percent of the vote.

“It is better not to govern than to govern in the wrong way.”

Kissing Up To Iran 101

I find it strange how such a super-smart (self-proclaimed, but still) German politician like German economy minister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD), somebody so hot to do business with Iran that his pants are always wet, doesn’t seem to know the first thing about the finer points of diplomacy when it comes to dealing with the mullah state.

Gabriel

Sure, you can always get plus points by promising the Iranians to “remind the United States of the commitment to get to an effective dismantling of sanctions,” but every third grader knows that you can’t give interviews before your visit in which you say that you believe Tehran should recognize the right of Israel to exist. Pretty outrageous Scheiße, huh?

So that is why he is now getting snuffed big time during his current visit. There will be no meeting with Iran’s President Ruhani nor with foreign minister Sarif. The visit planned with parliament president Laridschani has now suddenly been cancelled, Laridschani’s brother commenting to the press “If I had been in the place of the government or foreign office I would never have allowed such a person to enter the country in the first place.”

Other than that, though, German business prospects with Iran are looking really promising.

“Ein normales, freundschaftliches Verhältnis zu Deutschland wird erst dann möglich sein.”

We Did Nothing Wrong

“We paid our taxes, we paid our wages, we have done what every other company does with its investments.” Then what are you whining about, you fools? That just makes it all the more obvious that you must be punished.

Atom

Power firms brought a legal challenge on Tuesday against a German government decision to shut down the country’s nuclear plants by 2022, a lawsuit that could allow them to claim 19 billion euros ($21 billion) in damages.

The decision deprived the utilities of one of their main sources of profit and pitched them into crisis as the focus moved to renewables and electricity prices tumbled.

“Wir sind als Bundesregierung sehr zuversichtlich, dass unsere Rechtsauffassung obsiegen wird… Die Kernkraft war von Anfang an hoch umstritten. Es musste jederzeit mit der Möglichkeit einer Neubewertung gerechnet werden.”

Never Forget That Apple Is Still Evil

Just like Google, Facebook, eBay, Amazon and all those other hi-tech folks (from US-Amerika).

Apple

But try not to notice that German suppliers raked in two billion euros from Apple last year alone. That would be indelicate or something.

German companies are supplying the glass for Apple’s future Campus 2 “mother ship” in Cupertino, for instance. Glass and Geld (money) don’t stink, I guess.

Apple hat im vergangenen Jahr rund zwei Milliarden Euro an Zulieferer aus Deutschland gezahlt, wie Konzernchef Tim Cook am Montag der Deutschen Presse-Agentur mitteilte. Cook besuchte in Gersthofen bei Augsburg den Glas-Spezialisten Seele, dessen Tochtergesellschaft Sedak die Frontscheiben des neuen Apple-Hauptquartiers in Cupertino liefert. Die eigentliche Fassade inklusive der Sedak-Glasscheiben stammt vom schwäbischen Stahl- und Glas-Spezialisten Josef Gartner aus dem benachbarten Gundelfingen an der Donau.

Please Come Back

We miss you. Or at least I do.

The FDP, the traditional king-maker in German politics, lost all of its seats in the national parliament in the 2013 election, leaving conservative Chancellor Angela Merkel little choice but to ally with the center-left Social Democrats. As part of their coalition pact, she also agreed to new laws, including a national minimum wage, that have angered business leaders…

An impromptu rant by Christian Lindner, the Free Democratic Party’s chairman, defending entrepreneurs and startup culture made it onto newspaper front pages here and became one of the most watched political speeches of recent months.

“If one succeeds, one ends up in the sights of the Social Democratic redistribution machinery and, if one fails, one can be sure of derision and mockery.”

Der FDP endlich Beine machen!

If You Want To Watch YouTube Videos in Germany, Go To South Sudan Instead

Over 60 percent of the world’s most popular YouTube videos are blocked in Germany – South Sudan only manages to block about 15 percent.

GEMA

GEMA, which represents recording artists as well as publishers, wants YouTube to pay a fee for each and every video viewed on the site that contains music of one of the artists represented by GEMA (which include every major label artist, as well as most indies). YouTube has rejected that approach, and instead wants to pay a percentage of the ad revenue it makes with those videos.

Negotiations have, well, broken down. Feelings have been hurt. Lawsuits have been filed.

“Dieses Video ist in Deutschland nicht verfügbar, weil es möglicherweise Musik enthält, für die die erforderlichen Musikrechte von der Gema nicht eingeräumt wurden.”

Doing Business With Communist Regimes R Us

You won’t regret it, Pyongyang! Germans have always been the one-stop experts when it comes to laying the groundwork for foreign investment in crumbling shithole communist states!

Kim Jong Un

And here are just a few of the bennies your North Korean “companies” will soon be getting out of the coming deal:

We have absolutely no problem validating communism – we’ve been doing it for decades!

Our proven track record of indifference to the suffering populations under oppressive totalitarian regimes is virtually unmatched in the Western World!

Our economists and lawyers are all “can do will do” when it comes to selling expensive stuff to bullies of all varieties, no matter how bizarre, deranged or absolutely wacko they may be!

That is why you know that we support your latest master plan wholeheartedly – and we Germans KNOW a thing or two about master plans, too.

So remember Kim Jong: We are the pros when it comes to helping you help ourselves to help you help ourselves while helping you help us in the process.

“There is a master plan. They want to open up this year.”

Dropping Like Flies?

Or Totgesagte leben länger (there’s life in the old dog yet)?

Last week, the Frankfurter Rundschau filed for bankruptcy. The DAPD press agency had already gone down a few weeks earlier.

Now the German business daily Financial Times Deutschland has become “the latest casualty of the chill winds sweeping the global newspaper industry.”

What was that I read while surfing the other day again? Stuff printed on dead trees? What’s that?

“Ich werde Eure kurzweilige Art zu schreiben wahnsinnig vermissen! Die FTD ist eine tolle Zeitung und ich hoffe, dass ihr wenigstens online weitermachen könnt!”