Category Archives: Hysteria

Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E

March 24, 2011 By in Helections, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Becomes final today. Me and little Sar-ko-sy will be goin’ away…

So much for France and Germany as the inseparable couple at the heart of Europe.

The issue here is not direct German military participation. Everyone would have understood if that was not possible. But how could Germany not support a UN resolution backed by its principal European partners, the United States and the Arab League?

Like so many contemporary European politicians, they (in the German government) follow rather than lead public opinion.

“We calculated the risk. If we see that three days after this intervention began, the Arab League already criticises [it], I think we had good reasons.” While French and British pilots risk their lives in action, the German foreign minister is virtually encouraging the Arab League to make further criticism.

Latest Angst Update:
++ Ticker Ticker++Several German container shipping companies have stopped going to eastern Japanese ports including Tokyo for the time being amid fears of radiation++ Ticker Ticker ++Fukushima radiation detected in Germany!!!

And thanks for this cool Angst Republic link, A.K.

“Angst is the German lifeblood”

March 16, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 5 Comments

Die Zeit: How do you explain this (that Germans “like” to be afraid)?

Henryk M. Broder: I think the Germans have been waiting for their punishment since 1945. If the Allies had been at least a little bit more rigid with them, instead of tossing Mars bars from the sky, then maybe the Germans would be in a slightly better constitution today. They’re always thinking: Something’s still coming, and we deserve it.

He’s joking, of course. But maybe he’s not joking.

Man muss nicht 30.000 Kilometer durch Deutschland fahren, um festzustellen, dass die Deutschen gern Angst haben. Sie haben Angst vor Oberleitungen und unterirdischen Bahnhöfen, vor Dioxin im Frühstücksei und vor der Klimaerwärmung. Letztere ist bekanntlich ein globales Phänomen, aber niemand fürchtet sie so sehr wie die Deutschen. Angst ist das deutsche Lebenselixier.

Geiger Counters Needed Desperately (In Germany)

March 15, 2011 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

The German news folks have all hightailed it down south to Osaka and are reporting from there (or maybe they’re in Taiwan by now). The German embassy is soon to follow.

Their rescue teams have headed back to Germany after declaring that there is no one left in Japan to be rescued.

And now Geiger counters are selling out like hotcakes. Here in Germany, mind you.

Other than that though, the hysteria is being kept pretty much under control here. For the moment at least.

„Es gibt eine immense Absatzsteigerung. Wir haben in den vergangenen Tagen Hunderte Geräte verkauft.“

German Nuclear Reactors Can’t Withstand 9.0 Quake Either

March 15, 2011 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , 2 Comments

No, Germany doesn’t get hit by earthquakes. But it regularly gets hit by seismic waves of extreme and indulgent panic like the one that has just rolled over the country shortly after the monster quake hit Japan.

That is why Angela Merkel has wasted no time in going back on her government’s decision to extend the life of Germany’s nuclear power stations (they’ll think it through again for three months = forever?). Regional elections are coming up in a few weeks and with everyone panicked out of their minds as they are, sicher ist sicher (better to be safe than sorry).

The German Chancellor, who indicated that some plants could be closed faster than expected, said that “everything will be put under review.”

The Next Human Chain (Reaction)

March 14, 2011 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

When in doubt, get hysterical. Germans are leaving Japan faster than you can say “the shinto has hit the fan.”

Is the situation in Japan a cause for concern? It most certainly is. But we are what we eat in the end, aren’t we? Maybe it’s just me, but if I watch an hour of BBC World coverage on the nuclear power plant situation in Japan, for instance, and then switch over to the German ARD coverage of it, I feel as if I’m now watching coverage from another planet.

BBC: The Japanese seem to be getting a grip on the situation.
ARD: Oh my God we’re all going to die!

And has anyone stopped to notice how stoic and remarkably calm the Japanese are in dealing with all of this?

No matter. Just keep eating whatever it is you eat and we’ll all see how the reporting looks next week. Not that anyone will notice or care or anything, but still.

Nur für die Mitarbeiter am Flughafen scheint die Welt nicht Kopf zu stehen. Sie betreuen lächelnd ihre Kunden, leihen spontan Stifte aus, halten hinter dem Schalter ein Schwätzchen.

Cows Still Mad In Germany

March 10, 2011 By in Health, Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Or angry, at the very least. And wouldn’t you be? After ten long years of taking testing samples from the brains of 21 million cattle in Germany for BSE, scientists have concluded that mad-cow disease maybe sort of never took hold here after all.

But the war must go on. Why is hard to say, but it must. Sicher ist sicher ist sicher (it’s better to be safe than sorry) already. And what’s €150 million a year for a danger to consumers that , uh, hasn’t been a danger to consmers for many years now, if ever at all?

Or as one pissed off medical specialist said: “That is more than twice the budget that all university hospitals have at their disposal for diagnosing infections in their patients.”

Since news of the disease reached Germany, some 15,355 cattle have been killed in so-called stock and cohort culling. All of 12 animals sick with BSE were discovered at German slaughterhouses with the help of rapid tests. The last case was diagnosed five years ago.

The ‘Merican Mini-Me Machine Mystery

March 6, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

While certain experts fear that Washington’s Geheimniskrämerei (secret-mongering) concerning the second launch of the X-37B “Mini-Me Shuttle” might make countries like China and Russia nervous, Germans have once again taken the initiative and become nervous first.

“The Air Force did confirm that this robotic space plane is designed to stay in orbit for 270 days,” one hand-wringing German official said. “But it hasn’t said anything about the mysterious and EVIL new technolgies that are to be tested with it. This kind of stuff bekanntlich (as you know) makes us nervous.”

Indeed, the only information the Air Force handed out to journalists at all was a short list of some of the Mini-Me Shuttle’s “favorite things:”

Mini-Mr. Bigglesworth
Humping the giant laser
Terrorizing Scott
Biting and
Being evil

Experten fürchten, dass Washingtons Geheimniskrämerei China und Russland nervös macht.

Tourists Threaten Kreuzberger Biotope

March 2, 2011 By in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

“We have no intention of building a wall in Kreuzberg.” Not yet anyway. But if record-breaking numbers of tourists keep coming to Berlin all the freakin’ time, Green politicians may have to reconsider that.

It appears that certain residents in Berlin Kreuzberg have become quite hostile when it comes to hostels these days. They don’t want their colorful Kiez (neighborhood) tainted by tacky tourists. They want to keep on doing the tainting themselves. 

Remember: This is the same biotope where expensive cars go up in spontaneous combustion on a regular basis and McDonalds restaurants are the work of the devil herself. Tourism? Nein danke!

Die Grünen wollen die Zahl der Hostels und Hotels in dem Bezirk beschränken, außerdem umweltfreundliche Unterkünfte mit Ökosiegel auszeichnen.