Have a Happy New Year, Berliners!

Stay home and crawl under bed at midnight.

New Year’s Eve: Around 3,000 additional police officers on duty – In order to prevent New Year’s Eve riots and attacks on the emergency services as far as possible, the Berlin police largely rely on the concept from last year.

Same procedure as every year.

Dinner for One

Same procedure as last year?

Olaf will be dinning alone this year, methinks. It’s not like anybody who doesn’t have to will be celebrating New Years with this guy. Much less listening to anything he has to say.

In his New Year‘s address, Chancellor Olaf Scholz said Germany would have to change in the face of a “more unsettled and harsher,” world but was certain the country would “get through it.”

Have a Happy New Year anyway!

German Of The Day: Neujahrsansprache

Or German of the year, if your prefer. That means New Year’s speech.

New Year

And it goes like this, more or less: “Changes for the better are possible.” Wow. Thanks for that, Angie but you wouldn’t have made much of a cheerleader.

When I hear somebody say “changes for the better are possible” I keep waiting for the “but” part. And you know what they say about the “but” part.  Everything before “but” is a lie.

„Veränderungen zum Guten sind möglich.”

PS: Happy New Year anyway!

Mutti Wants More Multi

You must take on more responsibility in the coming year, my fellow Germans. For all of the mistakes I have made in the past, I mean.

Merkel

And these have been multiple mistakes, although we never openly discuss them here. No one knows why that is but that’s what we Germans do. Or don’t do. Anyway, that is why, for 2019, I expect you to multiply your efforts in becoming more multicultural, multireligious, multinational, multilingual and multidisciplined in your efforts to clean up the multifarious mess that my bat shit crazy good intentions have brought raining down upon this country.

I, for my part, have already contributed a great deal to the multi-movement by making Germany a much more multiparty place to live (see AfD). At the expense of my own party, I know, but still. And in the coming year I will concentrate much more on multilateralism. Multilateralism is very important on the international stage for us because, as you know, we Germans are notoriously risk-averse and never do anything on our own internationally unless it has to do with multiplying our profits. Take defense, for example. Please. Multilateralism allows us to shirk our international responsibilities while simultaneously allowing us to vilify those who are actually defending us. It’s a win-win situation for all. For all Germans everywhere. But that’s just one small example. It’s time to press on. The Sekt corks are already popping. 2019 is calling.

Stay multivated, my fellow Germans, and have a multiplicitous New Year!

“In our own interest, we must take on more responsibility.”