Tag Archives: Satire

U-Turn, I-Turn, We All Turn

April 14, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helections, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Turn, as in spinnen (to spin or, in this case, to be mental). This is another one of those only-in-Germany ones.

How long has it been since the latest greatest German Wende (turnaround)? Read some of these:

The U-turn on nuclear policy Chancellor Angela Merkel announced last month following the Fukushima accident will involve a massive expansion of renewable energies — as rapidly as possible. She is giving the public what it wants. But the shift will nevertheless provoke a major backlash. Germans may love their green energy, but they also have a growing proclivity towards not-in-my-backyard (NIMBY) lawsuits and referenda.

Many are now asking themselves if the transition to renewable energies will ruin the nation’s countryside.

Germany’s Federal Agency for Nature Conservation is already warning that in the rush to expand renewable energies, nature and wildlife conservation is being put on the back burner.

Germany’s opposition to wind power is well organized. The website windkraftgegner.de (wind power opponents), lists more than 70 protest campaigns.

Opposition is also mounting against the massive power masts that will be needed to transport clean energy across Germany and Europe.

And on and on and on. I don’t make this stuff up, people. Now they’re takin’ it to the streets to protest against renewable energy.

And the Green party’s grand energy strategy after their magnificent triumph down there in Baden-Wuerttemberg last month? Save power.

“We as Greens need to demonstrate our credibility,” national party co-chair Claudia Roth has said. At the same time, though, the Greens are very often active in the local NIMBY protests against the very kind of projects the party backs.

iPhone 4 To Fill Street View Paranoia Market Niche

April 12, 2011 By in Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Now that Google has lost interest in continuing its Street View service in Germany, a lucrative privacy paranoia market niche has opened in that country.

Although unable to meet the demand completely, Apple’s iPhone 4 has volunteered to jump into the breach until something more sinister comes along. Some users have reported that the phone, not unlike Google’s Street View, sometimes takes secret photos of them. You know, without their expressed written permission and all that?

Macht das iPhone 4 heimlich Fotos?

German Streets Not Worth The View

April 11, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

With German streets offering such a blurry mess wherever you look these days, and apparently tired of driving an uphill battle ever since it began taking Street View shots in Germany, Google has now decided to opt out of the German Street View service itself.

Despite winning a Berlin State Supreme Court ruling last month confirming that Street View was legal here, the company’s priorities “have simply shifted” and it will now pursue activities in Germany that do not constitute such a royal freakin’ pain in the ass.

It remains to be seen just how Google’s Street View situation will affect similar street-based mapping services in the region, including the impending “Streetside” program from Microsoft’s Bing.

Massive German Kiss-Up Offensive Underway

April 10, 2011 By in Helplessness, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

And we’re talking offensive, folks. In a too-little-too-late attempt to make amends for breaking ranks with its allies and refusing to support the United Nations Security Council resolution authorizing military action in Libya, Germany has now begun a surprise kiss-up campaign by actively publishing unflattering photos of Libyan strongman Muammar Gaddafi.

Degrading reports about botched plastic surgury operations performed on Gaddafi are also making the rounds.

But it doesn’t just stop there. Someone the Germans are referring to as Agent 008 has also been sent to Tripolis to see about establishing a ceasefire.

And as if that weren’t enough already, Germany also says that it is now prepared to let its troops take part in Libya “to help provide humanitarian aid to Libyan civilians” (if the United Nations asks the European Union please, pretty please). You know, that old we’re-the-good-soldiers-who-do-the-good-things trick of theirs?

The policy shift, announced by Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle on Thursday night, reflects disarray in Germany’s strategy but an awareness that its standing among its allies was damaged when Mr. Westerwelle told the country’s ambassador to the United Nations to abstain from the vote.

You can tell this guy’s not German

April 8, 2011 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Sure, his opinion may have been published in the Spiegel (The German People’s Cube), but this otherwise reasonable and balanced assessment of nuclear energy in the New Age of Post-Fukushima Germany has some major flaws in it, all of them having to do with thinking it possible that the German response to Fukushima could ever be “thoughtful and considered, instead of emotional and political.”

Many people have already formed solid opinions and only take into account what supports their views. (This is called confirmation bias, by the way.) But many of these beliefs are irrational and only fed by the many figures, measurements and limits being made public, which hardly anyone can make sense of.

This can be seen very clearly in the current situation in Fukushima. The Americans have recommended that all citizens evacuate the area within an 80-kilometer (50-mile) radius of the stricken power plant. The Germans have moved their embassy to Osaka. Even people who are really well informed have left Tokyo in the belief that you can never be careful enough.

Though I can understand this reasoning, it’s wrong. What’s more, it sends a devastating message to the Japanese who have to stay. They have started to distrust their own government, and fear is spreading. This is a terrible side effect of this excessive concern — and the panicked reaction — in Germany.

Indeed, it is clear that the major long-term issues with an accident at a nuclear power station are not medical; instead, they are political, psychological and economic. Given these circumstance, the German response to the Fukushima accident needs to be thoughtful and considered, instead of emotional and political. It should be based on a consideration of energy needs for the next several decades and a careful assessment of benefits and risks of alternative energy sources. If such an analysis is done, I suspect nuclear energy will come out in a favorable light.

PS: Thanks for your comment on How do you keep the hysteria going?, A.K. Strange how that very thought crossed my mind too. More people died in this one smashup than have died (or most likely will die) due to the Fukushima catastrophe. You don’t and won’t see anybody getting hysterical here about driving too fast because of this (speed is always involved in accidents like this).

Funnel Payments Stopped Despite Iranian Pledge

April 7, 2011 By in Heconomy, Hi-tech, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Despite Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s repeated pledge to Germany that Iran’s nuclear program is being used for energy only and that he would reveal any future secret Iranian nuclear site plans “as soon as he became aware of them,” a spokesman for the German government says that the deal to funnel oil payments from India to Iran through Germany’s central bank has been scrapped.

Enraged by this sudden change of heart, Mr. Ahmadinejad asked the Germans “But what about my promise to give 60-days notice before unleashing any surprise attacks on Israel using the missiles that we almost certainly do not have, to the best of my recollection? Doesn’t that mean anything?”

Washington has questioned Germany’s resolve to enforce sanctions given its strong trading links with Tehran.

Fukushima Out, Ozone In

April 6, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

The Fukushima crisis fading into the sunset as it must, temporary ersatz crises are now being  brought into play regularly in the not-so-vain hope of keeping the German national hysteria level unusually high, which isn’t all that unusual if you stop to think about it, really.

Today’s state of emergency was triggered by reported ozone layer depletion in the Arctic. Germany is now in a state of “ozone alarm” after UN scientists have determined that the Arctic’s ozone layer thickness has reached an alaming level and could cause in Germany, among other things, a mysterious medical condition known here as Sonnenbrand (burn of the sun or “sunburn”).

And I quote here, sort of: “The Arctic experiences ozone layer depletion seasonally up to around 30 percent. But this year’s unusual combination of extremely cold temperature in the stratosphere and the increase in the CFCs from refrigeration and aerosol sprays have caused a new record-high of 40 percent depletion.”

I don’t know, man. How did Commander Cody used to put it?

One drink of wine, two drinks of gin…
And I’m lost in the ozone again.

Erreichen sie (Schichten mit ozonarmer Luft) bewohnte Gebiete, droht Menschen, die im nun beginnenden Frühling die Sonne genießen wollen, unvermutet ein Sonnenbrand.

PS: They found their balls again. Now they know how many balls it takes to fill the Albert Hall.

Nein, Danke! We’ll import nuclear energy instead!

April 5, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

This is where the European unity part comes in, I guess (and the electricity still has to come out of the Dose/wall socket somehow, doesn’t it?).

Ever since the nuclear power plant moratorium has kicked in, Germany has begun importing more foreign energy than it exports, most of this having been generated at French nuclear power plants. This is where the ideological wheels hit the road, people. Are we having Realpolitik yet?

It’s typically German somehow: Loudly wash your hands of the matter while letting someone else do the dirty work for you.

And speaking of Realpolitik, I can’t wait until the “paying for all of this” part kicks in. There won’t be a moratorium on that one. It won’t be too long until the next wave of hysteria hits the fan again, in other words.

Davon profitieren vor allem französische AKW.

How do you keep the hysteria going?

April 4, 2011 By in Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

It’s clearly getting tougher and tougher with each passing day. When you’re well into your third week of daily reports about the Fukushima SUPER-GAU (disaster beyond all expectations) and that nuclear worst case scenario just simply won’t happen, even the most loyal alarmist starts getting a little pooped out. The Spannung (tension) just won’t steigen (mount) anymore.

I mean, we’ve already had the German atomic turnaround and the German Green triumph and the old German nuclear reactors are already shut off (and won’t be turned back on again) and the entire German nuclear power industry will be shut down next before all too long too so like what’s left to get excited about? Nothing? But what’s that got to do with anything? There was nothing to get excited about in the first place.

Poor devils, they’re scrambling and hustling as best they can but the pickings are awfully slim. They’re trying it today with 2285 missing fuel element ball thingies at a German nuclear research center. Talk about boring.

Like I said, slim pickin’s. But hey, it’s a Monday. See what they throw at us tomorrow.

Es klingt wie ein verspäteter Aprilscherz: Das Forschungszentrum Jülich vermisst 2285 Brennelementekugeln.

PS: Thanks for the link, A.K. – Diese kollektive Besoffenheit über Fukushima, diese unglaubliche Dummheit, dieses Ausrasten eines ganzen Volks haben mich eines Besseren belehrt.

Heine, der Emigrant in seiner Matratzengruft, hat alles richtig gesehen.

http://zettelsraum.blogspot.com/2011/04/biografien-ein-deutscher-dialog-zettel_03.html

What’s the big deal?

April 3, 2011 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

The Germans always wheel and deal like this.

German Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle not only personally brought back two German hostages to Berlin after personally meeting with El Presidente Iranian Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in February, he and other German government officials personally saw to it that the German central bank personally provide assistance to India in an oil deal with Iran as payoff for the hostage release. Nothing personal.

So deal with it already.

The sources say the German government approved the Bundesbank’s help in the Iranian-Indian transaction in exchange for the release of the two prisoners.