All The Secret Code That’s Fit To Print

Forget about the lying press. Now some German media have taken it to a new level and publish their news reports using a secret code. Everybody here knows the code, however, so it’s not much of a secret. But still.

250

Here’s an example: 250 “people” obstruct a police operation in Duisburg. The cops in Duisburg wanted to check the papers of some guy involved in a traffic violation. The situation escalated, however, ending up with a gang of 250 “people” assembling and interfering with this police action.

Let me decode that for you: Germans don’t assemble in groups like that to interfere with cops investigating some traffic violation. Ergo, other people who now live in Germany do. Not one word can be found in that article indicating that, of course, but your everyday Germans on the street have become such experienced code breakers that they know the deal as soon as they read the headline. Nobody’s lying though, see?

Etwa 250 Menschen haben der Polizei zufolge eine Verkehrskontrolle gestört.

World’s Largest Publicly Funded Broadcaster Squeamish About Showing Documentary On Antisemitism

Because, well, that would be too unpleasant for the public being made to do the broadcaster’s  forced funding to have to face.

Israel

Germany’s state-run television channel ARD recently decided not to air a documentary it had itself commissioned concerning the latest outbreak of antisemitism in Europe and the Middle East because the people doing the film apparently did this job much too well (after enough noise was made about this decision the ARD had to broadcast it anyway).

This could trouble viewers in a country where at least 40% of its citizens hold anti-Israel, antisemitic views. Or so the reasoning must be. ARD documentaries propagating negative views about Israel get aired here all the time, however. This having to do with balanced journalism or something. Or so the reasoning must be.

Anti-Zionism is not a legitimate political position, but rather a movement against the Jewish and democratic state. It is Antisemitism 2.0.

PS: Meanwhile… The latest boycott Israel campaign from BDS seems to be making great strides forward here in Berlin. It is unclear at this point whether the ARD will be commissioning a documentary about this campaign or not.

Paris?

Germany can’t even reach the climate targets it has set for itself (see objective media coverage below).

Earth

A thirty-three page report has just confirmed what most German global climate saviors already knew: There is no way in hell that the more than ambitious climate target set by the federal government some ten years back will ever be reached. Emissions were to drop 40 percent the year 2020. They haven’t quite dropped 28 percent yet. The main problem – now get this – being German cars. Like, duh. Ever hear of Volkswagen & Co.?

Ein wesentliches Problem: Der Verkehrsbereich hat seine Emissionen kaum reduziert. So notwendig ein allgemeines Umsteuern beim Autoverkehr ist, so unpopulär sind die Maßnahmen im Einzelnen.

“We in Germany, in Europe and the world will band together to take more decisive action than ever to confront and successfully surmount major challenges to humanity such as climate change.”

The Lying Press?

No. But the biased press? In Germany, when it comes to Donald Trump?

Trump

I’d have to say yes to that one. After taking a look at this recent study done at Harvard, that is – Harvard, that infamous hotbed for right-wing extremism.

When it comes to reporting about Donald Trump’s fitness for office by Germany’s ARD (Channel One),  for example, 98 percent of this reporting is negative. Now that’s what I’d call objective journalism, folks. 98 percent of people in the real world can’t agree on anything, as we all well know, but things are different here in Germany (and in North Korea, too). The ARD, by the way, is one of the state-run “public” television channels that anyone who lives here is forced to subsidize, whether he or she watches it or not – whether you even own a television or not. Do any of you out there remember Der Schwarze Kanal? I didn’t think so.

98 percent? That only shows us that there is something 100 percent wrong with the ARD.

Only 3 percent of Trump’s U.S. coverage explicitly explored the issue of Trump’s fitness for office. European journalists were less restrained with the exception of BBC journalists, who are governed by impartiality rules that prohibit such reporting.[21] Journalists at ARD, Germany’s main public broadcasting outlet, are not governed by the same rules, and Trump’s suitability for the presidency was ARD’s leading topic in January, accounting for a full fifth (20 percent) of its Trump coverage. ARD stayed on the issue in its February coverage, when it consumed 18 percent of its Trump coverage. In March and April, Trump’s fitness for office got less attention from ARD, but it nonetheless accounted for about 10 percent of ARD’s coverage. Even that reduced amount exceeded the level of any of our seven U.S. outlets in any month. And ARD’s journalists were unequivocal in their judgment—98 percent of their evaluations of Trump’s fitness for office were negative, only 2 percent were positive.

German Of The Day: Was wir wissen

That means what we know. You know, as in what we know and what we don’t know about the attack?

Manchester

We know everything already, of course (it was the Buddhists again). And we’ve heard all the reactions before. What will the hash tag be this time? It’s a ritual now. So why be so careful with formulations like that? We don’t want to jump to conclusions, or what? That’s just part of the ritual, I guess.

Der mutmaßliche Täter ist tot. Sein Motiv für den Anschlag auf ein Popkonzert in Manchester ist weiterhin unklar, die Polizei sucht nach möglichen Komplizen.

German Of The Day: Vortex

That means vortex. And Germans are terrified by vortexes, you know.

Vortex

But they shouldn’t be terrified by that one. According to this article, few Germans even expect President Trump to finish his four-year term in the White House anyway. So like sit back and relax already. And let the vortex be with you.

Less than 25 percent of Germans think US President Donald Trump will complete his four-year term in office, according to a public opinion poll released Saturday. More than two-thirds of those surveyed said categorically that they believe Trump will be out of office before his term expires in January 2021. The survey was conducted by Civey, an opinion research group, for the daily newspaper Die Welt.

German Of The Day: Mediale Erfindung

That means medial invention. Take the Schulz effect, for instance. Please.

Schulz

Remember the good old days when medial inventions used to last for years? You know, things like Waldsterben (the dying of the woods) or Rinderwahn (mad cow disease)? Now you’re lucky if you can get three months out of one (the Schulz effect, for instance, was created and released from the laboratory just this past February and officially died yesterday).

I dunno, I think it’s this young whippersnapper snowflake generation these days with all their wall-to-wall social media and instant gratification issues. No respect, I tell you. Well, kids, each generation gets the medial invention it deserves so this one’s for you. And you have no one else to blame but yourselves. Three months. Pitiful.

In February, Social Democratic chancellor candidate Martin Schulz was riding a wave of popularity. Now, his party has lost two state elections in a row and another state vote is looming on Sunday. Can he get his campaign back on track?

Alles ist Albigs Schuld – finden Schulz und die Bundes-SPD.

The Case Of The Missing SPD Candidate

New properties of the Schulz effect have been discovered by political scientists in Germany.

Martin

Similar to the Doppler effect, the Schulz effect is also characterized by a a distinct change of pitch (in this case hype) heard when the media vehicle (in this case Schulz himself) sounds its horn when approaching, passing and then receding from the observer (preferably forever). You can hardly hear a sound from him these days, in other words. And this is a good thing.

Der Hype um Martin Schulz lässt nach, die CDU liegt in Umfragen vor der SPD, die Mehrheit in NRW wackelt. Noch muss sich Schulz nicht sorgen, aber was ist da passiert?

German Of The Day: Kriminalstatistik

That means crime statistics. And the statistic that just came out about suspected criminal refugees in Germany rose 52.7 percent between 2015 and 2016 – to 174,438.

Refugee

If this were all just petty crime that would be bad enough but Germany’s Federal Office for Migration and Refugees (BAMF) says now that thousands of migrants had identified themselves as former Taliban insurgents during the asylum application process. At least they were honest, right? My, Germany certainly has a generous immigration policy.

So there are more criminal refugees here than anybody figured? How you figure? That must be some kind of mistake. All the popular media outlets have been suggesting the opposite. And still are, for that matter.

Zahl der tatverdächtigen Zuwanderer steigt um 52,7 Prozent.

German Of The Day: Verpufft

That means fizzled out.

Schulz

Scientists recently hired to find traces of the mythical “Schulz Effect” in Germany are said to be busy preparing their resumes for new employment opportunities as the search for the mysterious, ethereal force has proven to be much more difficult than originally expected.

Meanwhile, German newspapers (ARD-Deutschlandtrend) are reporting that Martin Schulz’ popularity has dropped significantly behind that of his opponent Angela Merkel and even behind that of German foreign minister Sigmar Gabriel, the previous SPD loser candidate he was brought here from Brussels to replace.

Verpufft or not, let us continue to wish these scientists all the best for the future because, after all, science marches on. Or in the words of Max Planck: “A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.