Category Archives: Hi-tech

Secret “German Street View” Plot Revealed

January 3, 2011 By in Hi-tech, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Hey, what goes around comes around.

A Norwegian daily has just leaked a State Department cable leak leaked by WikiLeaks indicating that Germany is currently working together with the United States on a high-tech secret spy satellite program that would “provide (Germany) an instrument of national power, and politically free it from dependence on foreign sources of imagery.” You know, from sources like Google Street View?

Now that’s what I call transparency.

Germany’s aerospace center vehemently denies such embarassing claims because everybody knows that Germans only build technology that is used for goodness and niceness and so forth blah, blah, blah, but these denials don’t really matter all that much because the head honchos what’s in charge here are actually the good folks over at the German intelligence service, the Bundesnachrichtendienst, or so the report, and these guys aren’t talking for some strange reason, transparency freaks or not.

Germans and secret spy projects? Come on. Don’t be ridiculous. Who thinks up weird stuff like this anyway?

“The cables say the project had been causing friction with Germany’s European Union partners, especially France, which was to be strictly excluded from the project.” 

Chaos must be well organized, ja?

December 29, 2010 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hi-tech Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Germans, being born anarchists (and born Germans), are genetically programmed to be aware of how important it is that the chaotic and deteriorating world in which we live continue to degenerate, but to have it do so in an “orderly chaotic” and therefore German manner.

That is why the Chaos Computer Club, holding its 27th annual Chaos Computer Club Congress in Berlin this week, has expressed Chaos Computer Club Congress Concern Concerning the recent hacking attacks against “Mastercard und Co.” in wake of recent WikiLeaks revelations (the leaks themselves were carried out quite orderly, causing complete chaos, so they were OK).
 
It appears that these attacks are in fact against something called Chaos Computer Club “hacker ethics” and the interests of those who genuinely strive for a truly transparent society (albeit a deteriorating and chaotic one) and they kindly request that such disorderly chaotic attacks cease immediately, or something.

I tell ya, it’s a dog-eat-dog-hacker-gegen-hacker world out there.

“As the world becomes more chaotic, we can help.”

Germans Prepare For Next Hi-Tech Threat That Isn’t Quite There Yet But Threatens On The Horizon Already Anyway So-To-Speak

December 27, 2010 By in Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , 4 Comments

Or threatens in front of your bedroom window, or could. Potentially, I mean.

The ghastly Google Street View Scare hardly verdaut (digested), Germans everywhere are now about to be threatened by the threat of threatening private “mini me” drones which will soon be everywhere, omnipresent and ubiquitous, all at the same time, and will threaten German privacy in ways that haven’t even been imagined yet–but just be patient, they’re working on it.

Consumer Minister Ilse Aigner, along with the good folks over at the Left Party (of all people), are concerned that these new-fangled devices will soon be able to break privacy laws that, well, haven’t even been written yet either. But they’re working on that too.

Interestingly, the firm producing these things is located in a place called Kreuztal, in Germany (well I thought it was interesting). These babies are Made in Germany, in other words. So why all the excitement? Germans would never threaten German privacy like American Internet companies would, would they? I don’t know, maybe it’s more like “Be the first Spitzel (informer) on your block to have one!” kind of thing or something.

“Schon mit den kleinen helikopterähnlichen Hobby-Modellen kann man rechtlich schnell an Grenzen stoßen.”

German Technophobia Reaches North Pole

December 19, 2010 By in Habitudes, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

In yet another shocking new disclosure that may or may not have come from WikiLeaks although it’s hard to say for sure, it has been revealed that neither the German Santa Claus, St. Nikolaus, nor his many thousands of merry German post office helpers reply to children’s wish lists sent in the so-called “e-mail” format, insisting instead that “they learn how to do it properly.”

“Obviously we, as the postal service, want children to write letters,” said St. Nikolaus spokesman Freddie von Scrooge. “And besides, once you give in and start letting stuff like “e-mail” through, the next thing you know they’ll be Street Viewing the freakin’ North Pole.”

Santa Doesn’t Do Digital

Shoot-’em-up German style!

December 13, 2010 By in Hi-tech, History, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

In case you didn’t already know… Except when it comes to American “shooter” computer games, of course, “computer games as a medium are often quick to be judged without being more closely examined.” So that’s what I’m about to do now.

Sure, there seems to be a little token outrage here and there, but for the most part no one over here seems all too terribly beunruhigt (troubled) now that the German online game 1378(km) (the name refers to the length of the old Cold War German-German border, by the way) finally went online last week. This game is, well, German after all so it must be, I dunno, OK. Right?

The aim of the game? Some players are East German border guards with guns and other players are East German refugees trying to escape to the West. Get the picture? It’s quite a vivid one actually. But don’t worry, it’s politically correct political incorrectness, I’ve been told. More or less. I think.

“1378(km) does not force someone playing the border soldiers to shoot the refugees. Players are left with the freedom of choice. You are only able to win 1378(km) when you do not shoot. The rules of the game are inspired by the situation at the former Inner German Border. Border camps, death strips, and orders to shoot are what make the game brutal.”

Only in Germany, I tell ya.

Ever sleep with a reindeer?

December 1, 2010 By in Hi-tech Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

How about twelve of them at once? I know, I know. That’s none of my damned business and whatever two (or more) consenting adults do in private and all that…

But in case you haven’t–and it is Christmas season now and all that–here’s your chance. But be warned: This actually has to do with “art” (whoever he is).

OK, so take some notes here: There’s this art museum called The Hamburger Bahnhof, but it’s in Berlin. And it’s not a Bahnhof. In it you will currently find an exhibition called “Soma” which has something to do with said twelve reindeer and giant mushroom sculptures alluding to some ancient Hindu legend about a hallucinogenic drink that was a magical elixir for, I dunno, magical purposes or something.

But none of this is all that important. The way cool thing about this exhibition is that if you want to, you can shell out 1,000 euros and spend the night there. Sleeping there. In a rotating bed. In the exhibition. Being an exhibitionist, so-to-speak. No, without any of that magic elixir, but still.

Hmmm. If they would include the magic elixir (and the over-nite wouldn’t cost any more than a stay at Motel 6), I think I could actually consider considering it.

As part of the “reflective component” of the exhibition, guests can rent a single revolving bed in the middle of the reindeer herd for 1,000 euros ($1,363) per night.

Street View Egging Update

November 24, 2010 By in Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

No good “anti-privacy vandals,” egging Street View opt-out homes like that.

It’s folks like this (the vandals, not them there folks up there) that give Street View a bad name in this country. Other than Google itself, I mean.

And the latest bizarre German Street View shot? How about this one: Capturing the birth of a baby on a street in a Berlin suburb, “although there are question-marks over the veracity of the incident.”

“We respect people’s right to remove their house from Street View and by no means consider this to be acceptable behaviour,” a Google spokesperson said.

Gottcha!

November 19, 2010 By in Habitudes, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Just kidding about that being a bomb yesterday, folks. Just testing, I mean.

Wasn’t that hysterical? And here you thought American companies couldn’t export any cool stuff anymore.

And today’s Fehlalarm (false alarm)? A suspicious object that wasn’t a bomb this time either caused an ICE train to be evacuated at Düsseldorf Hauptbahnhof (sorry, the linking is acting up a bit at the moment: http://www.stern.de/politik/deutschland/terrorgefahr-in-deutschland-fehlalarm-im-ice-attrappe-in-namibia-1625680.html)

“BKA officials have examined it and the result is that it is a so-called ‘real test suitcase’ from a U.S. company. This company produces alarm and detection systems and these test suitcases are made to test security measures.”

German drones in action

November 16, 2010 By in Hi-tech Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

No, not in Afghanistan or in Pakistan.

In Gorleben. Unconfirmed reports say that up to 20 innocent (although greenish) German civilians were not killed in a recent non-attack, but were photographed instead, which is pretty much the same thing over here.

It is unclear at this time if the folks over at Google’s Street View have expressed an interest in purchasing the photos or not–pixelated, of course.

Um Straftaten nachträglich aufklären zu können, hat die Polizei erstmals eine unbemmannte Drohne mit Kamera eingesetzt.

Ah! Scenic Lake Constance…

November 7, 2010 By in Hi-tech, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

The charming landscape, the panoramic views, the armaments industries booming everywhere…

Of course none of these companies (or the communities that live off them) use terms like that if they can avoid it. They prefer calling them “security engineering” or “defense technology” businesses instead, for some strange reason. Maybe because like everwhere else in Germany, they’re all pacifists down here too? Interesting article.

“Genuine pacifists are hard to find around Lake Constance. Most have turned more pragmatic long ago–or maybe their name is Nena. The pop singer performed here last year at MTU’s 100th year anniversary company celebration. And she sang her peace song 99 Luftballons too, of course, and 14,000 guests sang along with her. Before Nena arrived, the celebration’s main attraction had been a Leopard II tank.”

“Laut dem schwedischen Friedensforschungsinstitut Sipri liegt die Bundesrepublik auf Rang drei hinter den USA und Russland–und das, obwohl die deutschen Exportkontrollen zu den strengsten der Welt zählen.”