But Our Battle Drones Will Only Be Used For Goodness And Niceness

And they won’t stink, either.

Drone

The Bundeswehr Association and the commander of German troops in Afghanistan have expressed their support for the acquisition of battle drones to protect their soldiers.

Let the long, agonizing and hypocritical debate begin!

“Wenn Soldatinnen und Soldaten in den Einsatz geschickt werden, dann muss ihnen auch das Optimum an Ausrüstung zur Verfügung gestellt werden.”

A Leaner Non-Fighting Force

Germany has announced 31 military base closures and the significant scaling back of 90 others as part of a major overhaul of the country’s armed forces which everybody here knows will never be used in any real combat situations anyway.

“Cuts or not, the German military must remain able to not deploy in an entire range of situations,” one high-ranking, unnamed Bundeswehr official said.

“This includes in particular missions in dangerous armed conflicts as well as high-intensity combat missions our government will regularly forbid us to participate in.”

When asked if these cuts might have a negative effect upon German defense industry firms involved in the extremely lucrative production of systems like the Eurofighter combat jet, the A400M military transport plane and the Leopard 2 and Puma tanks, to name just a very few, the official reassured all who cared to listen that the German military will do all in its power to seek other options to extend the orders for such weapons and will most certainly continue to order more of the same in the future.

“Our function as alibi army for the German defense and weapons export industry will continue to be our number one priority,” the official said, clicking his heels loudly or something.

The elimination of the draft will require making a career in the military more attractive in a country where part of the population is skeptical of military interventions. Germany didn’t support the international campaign in Libya.

Pacifism Pays

It appears that Germany took a more active part in the Libyan uprising than believed.

Tons and tons of high-powered German assault rifles have been rescued by Libyan rebels from Muammar Gaddafi’s arsenals, weapons that “weren’t supposed to be there” (funny how German weapons always turn up where they are not supposed to be).

“The German government does not know how weapons of this type could have possibly ended up in Libya.” So they are not really there, in other words. The German government has the German weapons industry (shhh, not so loud) completely under control, you see. Right? Ja oder nein? Good. No abstentions here.

Geez. Haven’t them there crazy Libyans ever heard of gun control or nothin’?

Ah! Scenic Lake Constance…

The charming landscape, the panoramic views, the armaments industries booming everywhere…

Of course none of these companies (or the communities that live off them) use terms like that if they can avoid it. They prefer calling them “security engineering” or “defense technology” businesses instead, for some strange reason. Maybe because like everwhere else in Germany, they’re all pacifists down here too? Interesting article.

“Genuine pacifists are hard to find around Lake Constance. Most have turned more pragmatic long ago–or maybe their name is Nena. The pop singer performed here last year at MTU’s 100th year anniversary company celebration. And she sang her peace song 99 Luftballons too, of course, and 14,000 guests sang along with her. Before Nena arrived, the celebration’s main attraction had been a Leopard II tank.”

“Laut dem schwedischen Friedensforschungsinstitut Sipri liegt die Bundesrepublik auf Rang drei hinter den USA und Russland–und das, obwohl die deutschen Exportkontrollen zu den strengsten der Welt zählen.”