The Mighty German Bundeswehr Is Threatening Russia

With tanks that don’t roll, aircraft that don’t fly, ships that don’t sail and broomsticks instead of guns.

The Bundeswehr couldn’t threaten its way out of a paper bag, Vlad. But tanks for the backhanded compliment anyway.

Putin says Russia faces German tanks, just like at Stalingrad, but hints that this time Moscow has nukes – Russian President Vladimir Putin on Thursday leveled another veiled nuclear threat in relation to the war in Ukraine as he ripped into Germany for providing battle tanks to Kyiv, while comparing Russia’s unprovoked invasion of its next-door neighbor to the Soviet Union’s fight against the Nazis during World War II.

We Germans Would Never Twist Words Around Like That

So you sneaky Russkies better stop accusing us of doing so.

After all, just because our foreign minister said “we are fighting a war against Russia” doesn’t mean that we are fighting a war against Russia. Quit twisting her words around like that already. She’s a diplomat. And a Green one too (in more ways than one). And now you’ve offended us.

Germany accuses Russia of twisting minister’s war comments for ‘propaganda’ – Russia has twisted comments by Germany’s foreign minister about the war in Ukraine for propaganda purposes, a German foreign ministry spokesperson said on Friday, stressing Berlin’s position that NATO must not become party to the conflict.

German Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock riled Moscow with comments at an event in Strasbourg on Tuesday, when, speaking in English, she said that “we are fighting a war against Russia, and not against each other.”

German Of The Day: Eskalation

That means escalation.

Remember this decision when we look back from the future (I’m an optimist).

US and Germany ready to send tanks to Ukraine – After months of reluctance, the US and Germany reportedly plan to send tanks to Ukraine, in what Kyiv hopes will be a game-changer on the battlefield.

US President Joe Biden’s administration is expected to announce plans to send at least 30 M1 Abrams tanks.

German Chancellor Olaf Scholz has also reportedly decided to send at least 14 Leopard 2 tanks. He is set to speak in parliament on Wednesday morning.

German Of The Day: “Flucht Nach Vorne”

That means “escaping by going forward.”

Defense? By going on the offensive? Well, if all the other kids are jumping off the bridge… Let us give tanks?

“I think the Ukrainians want to, at some point, launch counteroffensives. And that’s much more effective with heavy armor — as much as you can get. Especially modern systems, which probably have more penetrating power.”

The Leopard can travel up to 44 mph out to a range of 275 miles. It is armed with a 120 mm smoothbore cannon, a 7.62 mm machine gun, and automatic grenade launchers. Additionally, the tank has ballistic and mine protections, and it’s seen operational experience in Kosovo, Syria, and Afghanistan.

But The Other Kids Are Jumping Off The Bridge!

So if US-Amerika sends tanks, Mom, I don’t see why I can’t…

Berlin Won’t Allow Exports of German Tanks to Ukraine Unless U.S. Sends Its Own – North Atlantic Treaty Organization allies have over 2,000 German-made Leopard tanks.

Several European governments have said they are ready to send German-made tanks to Ukraine, including Poland, Finland and Denmark, if they get approval from Berlin, though none has made a formal request. Britain has said it would send 14 of its Challenger 2 main battle tanks, an older equivalent to the Leopard.

“One can’t differentiate between direct exports (of German-made tanks) and exports by third countries,” a senior German official said Wednesday.

What Wussies

These Germans. They’re all worried about some horrible war just a few miles down the road and ever-growing inflation that looks as though it might be spiralling out of control.

They should worry about real problems, like they used to. You know, like their plans for this year’s third vacation, their next second car, finally starting that diet, which weekend demonstration to take part in, etc.

Germans worry about war and inflation – The German government is supporting Ukraine, battling inflation, and combatting climate change. A monthly survey has asked voters how they rate the efforts.

The war is driving up energy prices, but food prices have also risen significantly. Almost half of all respondents said they already have to cut back significantly because of this. Among low-income earners, 77% say they are beginning to struggle…

How Germany Was Divided After World War II?

Pretty much in half.

And it sure is reassuring to know that a big European war like that could never, ever happen again. Cold or otherwise. Right?

The situation in Germany after World War II was dire. Millions of Germans were homeless from Allied bombing campaigns that razed entire cities. And millions more Germans living in Poland and East Prussia became refugees when the Soviet Union expelled them. With the German economy and government in shambles, the Allies concluded that Germany needed to be occupied after the war to assure a peaceful transition to a post-Nazi state.

What the Allies never intended, though, was that their temporary solution to organize Germany into four occupation zones, each administered by a different Allied army, would ultimately lead to a divided Germany.

“Only over time, as the Cold War eroded trust between the Soviet Union and the Western Allies, did these occupation zones coalesce into two different German nations.”

The German Culture Cult Thinks War Is Bad

And that it should be stopped immediately. And the rest of us need to know that they think war is bad and that we, the less-cultured, should think it is bad too. War ain’t got no culture, in other words.

I know!, the cultured say after brainstorming. We’ll hold a “Concert for Peace.” That’s never been tried before. We will also make paintings of doves holding olive branches. That ought to have the desired effect. Anti-war books are also in the process of being written. Once they are published and airlifted to those making war, and read by them, this will definitely stop the war, provided it hasn’t been stopped already by, I dunno, all the cultured people of the world holding hands together and singing “Imagine” while waving Ukrainian flags with “No war!” on them to “express solidarity” or “make a statement” or “set a sign” and bring an end to this awful, culture-less conflict.*

But be warned, you war mongers out there: If none of this works, the culture may escalate. And you don’t want that.

*Yes, it’s true. Cultured people can hold hands together and wave a flag at the same time.

Tough As Nails

Or as Jell-O, at least. Here’s the latest “Money Makes The World Go Around” going around in Germany (some still refer to it as “the EU”).

Cutting off Russia from the SWIFT global interbank payment system should not be part of the second EU sanctions package against Russia that EU leaders will decide upon at a meeting on Thursday in Brussels, German Chancellor Olaf Scholz said.

He’s right, of course. Doing that would be one of the only things that would actually hurt Putin & Co. and that would be counterproductive.

Die Swift-Keule kommt nicht zum Einsatz.

This Will Show Them Russkies

And if lighting up stuff in the national colors of Ukraine doesn’t help, we may have to consider building a Menschenkette (a chain of people holding hands). As a last resort, we MIGHT even ask them to sing We Shall Overcome. So, like watch it, Putin. Give peace a chance, or something.

Berlin and Paris illuminate buildings in Ukrainian colours in show of unity – The German capital lit up the Brandenburg Gate, Berlin’s most famous landmark in blue and yellow, the national colours of Ukraine, on Wednesday evening in a show of unity with Kyiv as the crisis with Russia deepens.