Tag Archives: Satire

Germany Talks Tough To Gaddafi Now That He’s Gone

February 22, 2011 By in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

He is gone by now, right? No matter. Libya has left him so it comes down to the same thing.

After recently flying to Tehran to meet with Iran’s otherwise quite isolated president, Mr. Laugh-A-Minute Mahmoud Ahmadinejad–a condition made by the Iranians in order to secure the release of two German hostages–German foreign minster Guido Westerwelle wants the world to know that he can also be a real toughy too and has threatened the now irrelevant Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi with “sanctions” should the violence in Libya continue.

Well, if The Artist Formally Known As Gaddafi isn’t gone by now, the threat of German sanctions will certainly be the last straw that will break his camel’s back, right?

“We are still absolutely clear about the fact that the situation in Iran concerning human rights and political freedoms is unacceptably bad.”

What do you expect from a country obsessed with academic titles?

February 21, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Higher Education Tags: , , , , , , 2 Comments

Or do you know any French, English or American academics who place much value on being addressed “properly?” I didn’t think so.

The strange thing about this whole Guttenberg thing (he’s being accused of plagiarizing several sections of his doctoral dissertation), I find, is that he had already had his way cool title to begin with. He’s a freakin’ blue-blooded baron, for crying out loud. Why worry about some additional academic title?

But like they say, you can never be too thin or have enough money. Or, if you’re German, you can never have enough titles, I guess.

At least they’ll be some good jokes to come out of this: Minister Copy and Paste or Googleberg or he graduated “schummel cum laude” (schummeln means to cheat), you know, stuff like that.

The German public takes such charges seriously.

German Hostages Released in Iran Shortly After Which Iranian Film Takes Top Prize at Berlinale

February 20, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, High Art Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Two German hostages have suddenly been released after four months of imprisonment in Iran.

Shortly after their release, an Iranian film took the top prize at the Berlinale.

I’m just sayin’, OK?

Jury president Isabella Rossellini said the choice of Farhadi’s film was “pretty unanimous.”

Hot Dog It Another Baader-Meinhof Film!

February 18, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hate, High Art, History, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

The Berlinale is always good for a surprize. But it’s always the same one: No surprizes.

How original, sort of. Hopeless romantics that they are, politically correct Germans everywhere will be as enamored as they should be in this latest “political love story” about (with?) the RAF, “If Not Us, Who?”

Specifically, it’s about two fine young terrorists who fell in love, made love and then went on to become key figures in that wacky and fun-loving leftist group that carried out a bloody campaign of kidnappings and murders in the 1970s. You know, kind of like the Manson clan only, this being Germany, their madness was more political?

It’s a film that wants us to truly understand these folks with, I dunno, understanding, understanding how their political consciousness arose, with a special emphasis being placed on the conflict between the Nazi and postwar generations–an aspect that has never ever, ever been addressed here in this country before, ever, not once, honest. In other words, they were the victims (again).

Be sure to see it. It’s so… Political. And Romantic with a big R. If it doesn’t win the Golden Bear than… If not them, who?

3-D Big At The Berlinale This Year

February 17, 2011 By in Hi-tech, History Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

They won’t be showing these, though.

Unlike Hollywood’s 1950s 3-D movies, which used two projectors, the Nazi version used standard 35mm film cut in half into a split-screen. When it was projected, a prism would combine the two images.

Ironically, he first disclosed the find during the Berlinale, the Berlin film festival, this week, where filmmakers worldwide were rolling out 3-D movies.

Reason Number Three

February 16, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts Tags: , , , , , , 9 Comments

From yesterday (why Germans don’t want any kids): They’re too loud.

Germany is so desperate to encourage people to have more children that the government is proposing a bill allowing citizens under six to laugh, shout and play at any volume.

Germany is a land of many rules, especially about noise. The government’s move comes after a series of lawsuits about children and noise, and a recent call from a senior citizens’ chapter of Chancellor Angela Merkel’s conservatives, who sought to ban kindergartens from residential areas because they are too loud.

Thank goodness. I’m sure this proposed bill will turn everything around for the better.

Now we know why Germans don’t want any kids

February 15, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts Tags: , , , , , , , 5 Comments

It’s because they don’t want any kids.

Sure, there are more specific “reasons,” but they are all vorgeschoben (phoney), whether the people giving them actually believe them or not. Like how in the latest survey two-thirds of childless couples asked actually want to have children but their financial situation, say, is too precarious or having kids would make their lives even more stressful than they already are, boo, hoo, blah, blah.

This all makes sense, sort of. As we all know, the human kind has never had children when the financial situation was precarious or the situation was stressful, right? Whatever.

No, they know perfectly well why they don’t want any children. 1) Once you have a kid it’s no longer about ME, MYSELF and I anymore and 2) Once you have a kid you would then actually be expected to take responsibility for it YOURSELF (even in Germany, well, for the most part). And taking responsibility for things just doesn’t cut the Kuchen around the country here these days.

79 Prozent finden den Alltag auch ohne Kinder bereits anstrengend genug,

Ghost of Madonna Haunts City

February 14, 2011 By in High Art Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Her career having died long ago, residents of Berlin, of all places, have for several nights running found themselves subjected to a series of ghostly encounters with the ethereal non-being of “the Queen of Pop.”

One visitor to the Asphalt Club became terrified when she accidentally captured a ghostly apparition that resembled a woman dressed in black on her phone’s camera. The incident happened while snapping images of herself in a mirror in the lady’s room. When she returned home later that morning, she viewed the pictures and was stunned to see the gruesome phantom in one of the frames, clearly recognizable as Madonna, circa 1993.

Other witnesses saw the spooky specter wandering aimlessly along Potsdamer Platz, accosting  bystanders and asking them if anyone had seen her “baby,” twenty four-year-old boy toy Brahim Zaibat.

No one can explain why the brazen banshee is here right now and no one can say for sure just how much longer these hideous visions can last, but one zombie expert here believes that once this year’s Berlinale is finally over, this Spuk, as the Germans say, too shall pass.

Hardline German ECB Presidential Candidates Dropping Like Flies

February 13, 2011 By in Heconomy Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

After Bundesbank President Axel Weber threw in the towel, crusty old Peer Steinbrueck said don’t even think about asking.

A hardliner on monetary policy matters, Weber has been at odds with several European governments since the outbreak of the eurozone debt crisis.

He vehemently opposed the ECB buying the bonds of debt-stricken peripheral eurozone nations as part of a concerted strategy to calm down the markets.

His public criticism of an ECB council decision in May, 2010, to buy the bonds had angered several EU leaders.

This will be just like Daimler-Chrylser!

February 11, 2011 By in Heconomy Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Only better. Or even better, I should say (meaning even worse).

Deutsche Börse Eyes Takeover of New York Stock Exchange

“The listed exchanges are losing market share dramatically,” former NYSE director Ken Langone said on CNBC, calling the proposed deal a “big yawn.” “With electronic trading that is now prevalent throughout the industry, it seems to me the only sense for the merger is to cut costs faster than their market share goes down.”