Hysteria Time

It’s just what the doctor ordered for the morally outraged. More moral outrage. The Nazis are coming back to Germany again or something. And again and again and again. Yawn.

FDP

Thomas Kemmerich, a liberal democrat from the FDP, became Thuringia’s new Minister-President on Wednesday (5 February), thanks to support from the Christian Democrats (CDU) and the far-right AfD– a first in post-war Germany.

So?

The real issue is a sour grapes kind of thang… In the final round of voting, Kemmerich surprisingly edged out the incumbent Bodo Ramelow, from the leftist Die Linke party, who was planning to build a minority coalition with the Greens and the social democratic SPD.

The AfD didn’t so much vote the FDP guy in – a party that will have nothing to do with them, by the way – as vote the red-redder-green folks out. Now that’s outrageous. Scheiße happens, folks.

More outrage here: “A candidate from the democratic center has won!”

Who Would Have Thought That Possible?

That the film guru in charge of the Berlin Film Festival’s propaganda efforts from 1951 until 1976 was also closely involved with the Nazis’ film propaganda efforts, I mean.

Nazi

Ex-Nazis in Germany? In the 1950s? How could that be possible?

Will the horrors never cease? First all the crappy movies. Now we find out that the whole shebang is Nazi-verseucht (infected). Let’s call the whole thing off.

The Berlin Film Festival turns 70 this year, but plans for the anniversary celebration have been overshadowed by new revelations that Alfred Bauer, Berlin’s first festival director, had deep ties to the Nazis.

Brewed In Accordance With The Rassenreinheitsgebot?

Oops. Not racial purity, I meant of course Germany’s Reinheitsgebot or beer purity law.

Purity

Nazi-branded Beer Sells Out at German Drinks Store – Thuringia police have already established the brand itself is legal.

Images were circulating on German social media on Friday showing a Nazi-branded beer for sale in a drinks store in the eastern state of Saxony-Anhalt.

The images showed bottles labelled with the name “Deutsches Reichsbraeu,” or German Reich Brew, in a font favored by the Nazis on sale for 18.88 euros.

The numbers 1 and 8 correspond to the second and eighth letters of the alphabet – the initials of Adolf Hitler. The 88 stands for “Heil Hitler.” The new beer brand was announced online at the beginning of the year by a well-known right-wing extremist from the neighbouring state of Thuringia.

Eine Konsequenz gibt es bereits für den Getränkemarkt: Der Franchise-Geber kündigte die Zusammenarbeit mit dem Eigentümer des Geschäfts am Morgen nach eigenen Angaben auf.

They’re Only 25 Percent Of The Electorate

And growing. So we’ll just keep shunning them and they’ll eventually go away.

AfD

That seems to be what Germany’s established political parties are telling themselves when it comes to the far-right AfD – a party that owes it’s increasing popularity solely to Angela Merkel’s bat shit crazy migration “policy.” None of these parties are willing to even consider working together with the AfD. Even after yesterday’s results in Saxony and Brandenburg.

This is because the AfD politicians are all “Nazis” (everybody I don’t like – or offers “my” voters an alternative – is a Nazi, right?). So a quarter of the voters who voted in these two federal state elections yesterday are all Nazis, too? Uh, I don’t think so. This is German democracy in action? Here’s a little tip: Once they reach 51 percent you won’t have the opportunity to take the wind out of their sails because they won’t need you anymore.

Far-right AfD bids to encircle Berlin as resentment and division grow.

What Do You Want, A Cookie?

25-year-old German cookie heiress apologizes for downplaying her family’s history of using Nazi forced labor on the grounds that ‘we treated them well.’

Cookie

Verena Bahlsen, whose great-grandfather Hermann Bahlsen founded the eponymous company that produces the Leibniz brand of cookie, told Germany’s Bild newspaper last week that the company did nothing wrong when it employed dozens of forced laborers during World War II.

“This was before my time and we paid the forced laborers exactly as much as German workers and we treated them well,” Bahlsen said, as cited by Reuters. The German newspaper published the remarks on Tuesday.

Keksunternehmerin Verena Bahlsen bittet um Entschuldigung – und will dazulernen.

Stop The Presses!

(Do they even have presses anymore?) This just in, folks: Some German industrial dynasties have a Nazi past!

Nazi

Holy freakin’ Scheiße! Once this leaks it’s going to ruin the reputation of all the other German industrial dynasties out there. With a Nazi past, I mean. You know, like every single German industrial dynasty that exists? Without exception?

I’m shocked. And stunned. Just like those dynastists in this particular German industrial dynasty who just found out about it themselves. For, like, the very first time. Honest.

A German industrial dynasty with big stakes in various international brands has admitted brutality towards slave labourers during Nazi rule.

A partner in JAB Holding, Peter Harf, said the Reimann family was shocked by links to Nazi abuses, discovered by the Bild am Sonntag newspaper in archives.

“We were ashamed and turned white. You cannot gloss over any of that. Those crimes are abhorrent.”

Alien Crop Circle Discovered In Prackenbach

That’s in Germany.

AfD

Actually, it’s in Bavaria. But still.

And it’s not really an alien crop circle, either. It’s more like an alien cross. It’s a strange geometrical figure and ancient religious icon most likely stemming from the cultures of Eurasia where it remains a symbol of divinity and spirituality in Indian and East Asian religions, to be exact.

So I guess this crop circle didn’t come from outer space after all. It’s also made of manure. That, too, is pretty weird and strange. And the letters “AfD” are also clearly visible next to it. Nope, no alien would write those letters. Not even an illegal alien from outer space would do that, I suppose. This was the work of human beings. Human being artist types who use manure for their shitty works of art. This, too, is weird and strange. And eerie.

Aufregung in der kleinen niederbayerischen Gemeinde Prackenbach (knapp 3000 Einwohner)!

“Police And Politicians Lack Empathy”

I couldn’t agree more. A lack of empathy for the guy who was just murdered.

Protest 2

But even more lacking in empathy here is the German media. It’s all about the threat from “right-wing mobs,” as usual. Whether they are an actual threat or not. We get it already: Hitler and the Nazis were really, really bad but these people aren’t those people, distasteful as some might be – and Hitler salute or not. We’re tired of your ritual obsession with the past (or at least I am) and by pretending that these people are those people you are elegantly ignoring the real issue, the thing that got this guy killed. You can pretend it’s not there and that it’s not happening but it is. And pretending it isn’t happening is what the people back then did to help Hitler get to power. Please move on already.

A right-wing mob has been rampaging through the eastern German city of Chemnitz. The police are on site, but authorities seem out of their depth. They lack the will to intervene, argues Hans Pfeifer.

Ausschreitungen in Chemnitz: 6000 Rechte, 1500 Gegendemonstranten, 20 Verletzte.

German Of The Day: Alarmbereitschaft

That means “alarm preparedness.” And you have just been placed in it. Or on red alert, if you prefer.

Bannon

Isn’t that sophisticated imagery? Get it? Really subtle. Or subliminal or something.

“Trumps ex-strategist wants to support Europe’s right” – Bannon is moving to Europe to set up The Movement, a populist foundation to rival George Soros and spark a right-wing revolt across the continent.

This “movement,” you see, is obviously no different than Adolf Hitler’s movement a few years back and all forces of Goodness and Niceness must be placed in Alarmbereitschaft immediately to ensure that they are and remain alarmed, or at least be prepared for alarm or red alert or whatever (with the emphasis on red). You know, like this guy here? No fifty shades of gray here, folks. It’s all perfectly black and white. Or brown, actually. So are you finally alarmed now? Me, neither.

Steve Bannon, der frühere Chefstratege von US-Präsident Donald Trump, will eine Stiftung gründen, die rechtspopulistische Bewegungen in Europa stärkt. Die Organisation mit dem Namen “The Movement” werde ihren Hauptsitz in Brüssel haben, berichtete das US-Nachrichtenportal The Daily Beast unter Berufung auf Bannon. Vor der Europawahl im Mai 2019 werde sie zehn Mitarbeiter einstellen.

Heavy Equipment Operator Uncovers Remains Of Ancient Germanic Civilization

An archaeological find under a playground in Hamburg may now prove once and for all that the mythical Germanic “wet ones” culture actually existed.

Civilization

The “wet ones” or “Nassies” (nass is the German word for wet) were thought to be an ancient “Wald” or forest culture that lived high up in the trees whenever the Romans came marching through town. Or village, actually. Whenever it was raining. Which it practically always does here. Right up to this very freakin’ day even.

Many archaeologists had doubted this culture’s existence up until now, however, attributing the many tales still told by the natives about this “super” albeit wet race to the fantastic realm of mythical bullshit. This may now change.

“The history books might just have to be rewritten,” said Herr Henning, the heavy equipment operator who made the find. “And my backhoe sure the hell is going to have to get fixed. That’s for sure. Who’s going to pay for this anyway?”

Baggerfahrer Henning entdeckte das Nazi-Symbol bei der Arbeit.