Now That Christmas Is Over…

We can calmly address this story and all be thankful for not having been subjected to this diabolical madness first hand. It would have been too horrible to contemplate before Christmas Day. What kind of twisted minds think of such things?

Wham

Austrian DJ barricades himself in his studio and plays Wham’s Last Christmas 24 times in a row

Die Tür hatte er mit einer Holzlatte versperrt. Unsere Telefonleitung ist fast zusammengebrochen.“ Stoppen konnte den „Last Christmas“-Wahnsinn erst Kohlhofers kleine Tochter (5). Sie rief im Studio an, bat ihn: „Papa, kannst du bitte aufhören. Du machst alle Leute verrückt.“

We Always Knew This Guy Didn’t Have Any Balls

Now it’s official.

Balls

Analysis of long-lost medical notes seems to confirm that Nazi leader suffered from cryptorchidism, or an undescended right testicle.

Schon seit über 70 Jahren halten sich die hartnäckigen Gerüchte, Adolf Hitler hätte nur einen Hoden gehabt. Britische Soldaten schmetterten im Zweiten Weltkrieg den Schmähgesang “Hilter has only got one ball” (zu deutsch: Hitler hat nur ein Ei).

Germany’s Crappy Eurovision Song Not Given The Votes It Deserved

Denmark’s Loreen and 19 others sang crappy songs that took in way more votes.

Eurovision

Böse Zungen (malicious tongues) have even suggested that Germany’s crappy Eurovision showing last night might not be entirely the fault of its crappy Cascada entry.

“We are in a difficult situation,” Thomas Schreiber from the ARD TV über-network said. “This is clearly a political situation.”

It wasn’t like Angela Merkel was singing (she might have actually won), but “you also have to see that it wasn’t just Cascada up there, Germany was on stage, too.”

Der ARD-Unterhaltungschef deutet ein Imageproblem in Europa an: “Da stand auch Deutschland auf der Bühne.”

PS: It wasn’t all bad news for Germany this weekend, however. Justin Bieber’s monkey will now become a German citizen.